Rice pudding is the shit

I have become addicted to this shit in the last five days. I hadn't had any for 20 years, and then one of my nurses brought over a container, and I ate the whole damn thing that day. The next day, someone else brought some over - gone. Yesterday, a six-pack - demolished. Why is my body SO enamoured of this manna from heaven? I love it, I want to bathe in it, I want it to shoot gloriously out of Clive Owen's dick all over my body.

I gotta get out of the house today. I've been here for six days straight now and it's starting to wear on my psyche. I'm feeling like a lurp. I mean I know I just had surgery a week ago, but I need to move about. I should go mail my nieces and nephews Christmas presents (yes, I suck and am late with everything). Speaking of, Beck and Mandy, be on the lookout for a pressie coming your way. Beck, you must let Katy partake ok?

I've been trying to do at least one or two business things each day. I have this innate need to always be doing something "productive". Thank you very much mother. I mean, it's so hard for me to just chill. I'm trying though. I find when I try to push it, my throat hurts more, and it ends up pissing off the back of my head and my jaw for some reason. Must talk to the doc about that. I need to find a digital camara to take a picture of my scar. It's knarly. I look like the Corpse Bride. Which I guess has it's goth appeal. That's a good question, can one be a goth well into one's 30's? I'm not a real goth, but I do so love some of the esthetic.

Now I'm just rambling. I have decided I am not going to do up the living room pod today. I have this pod I have constructed, because we have no real couch and our love seat sucks for comfort. I take our pappa san chair, bolster the hell outta it, put a foot stool beneath it with some pillows on it, put a sheet over it all, some blankets over that, my piano bench with all my meds, phones, books, and medical knick knacks by my side. This has been my home for the past six days. I need to branch out I tell ya, need to branch out. It's always so hard for me to find the line between healing, and driving myself crazy.

Yeah, what the fuck else is new?