A Roasty Posty Day

aka "Why is Mercury still in retrograde - I don't care what anyone says, and why has everyone I've come in contact with today been living on Pluto until the moment they encountered me?"

Thing #1:
I've NEVER had a client that I wouldn't schedule for another massage. I had one today. So first off, this dude is about 6'4, about two fitty, sporting a dead ringer David Hasslehoff doo', Tom Selleck mustache, and an attitude. Dude's suppose to be an insurance client. I tell ALL insurance clients that they will need to come 10 minutes early to fill out a health history form, and the insurance paperwork. I'm out at the front desk, where I come and retrieve all my clients before thier massages. His appointment time comes around, no dude. I shove lunch down my throat while waiting for him. As I'm downing my last bit of salad, Magnum PI comes up to the front desk in a SPEEDO,with my card in his sweating hand. He asks the front desk chick where I'm at. I come up to him, introduce myself, give him the paperwork as he curtly tells me he's been waiting in my massage room for the last ten minutes. The massage room that has all the other personal client files I was dealing with for today. I tell him I've been waiting up front with his paperwork for the last 15 minutes. This, of course, gives me a clear view of where this entire session is heading. I lead him back to the massage room, he pulls out his referral and insurance card for me to copy. It's an insurance plan in which I'm not a participating provider. I tell him this, he's say to me, "I thought your sign said you took(name of company)insurance." I very calmly, because you see, I am a very good actress, "No, it doesn't."

He hemmed and hawed at this news for awhile. He then asked me how much my time of service fee was. I told him, he agreed to pay that, and he immediately dropped his Speedo in front of me. My eyes widen horrifically at being Full Montied(and bless his heart I might add), I look him directly in the eyes and say, "You will wait to undress until I am out of the room." He bullies his way into the moment and asks if he should get on the table - I haven't even gone over his intake form yet. I'm so wanting to get out of the room I decided to let him, and then take even more time when I came back in, to do the health history. Remember, we're already starting about 10-15 minutes late.

I come back in the room, take 5 more minutes and go over his history form while he's face down on the table. He proceeds to diatribe me with the "exact" locations I should work, the exact way I should work, and where the problems were. I listened without saying much. I then began the massage.

Long story even longer, I made him cry like a baby. He didn't really cry, but I made him shout uncle more than once. Disclaimer: This is never my direct intention, just a by-product of some of the work I do. I decided not to put a damper on my deep tissue impulses with him. It was an S&M massage, and not in a good way. I think his body finally acquiesced, and his body and I came to an understanding. I finished the massage, and he ended up not having any checks, and only had about 2/3's of the massage's price in cash. He asked if he could send a check to my "office address", and I told him no as the last thing I was going to do was send him my home address. I told him to send the rest to the fitness center. I don't care if I ever get it, and if he calls again, I will kindly direct him to a 6'3, 300lb firefighter LMP I know.

Thing #2:
I rush out of the above appointment, pull out my metro information to go to an acupuncture appointment with someone I was going to start doing trades with. Get on the bus, as I'm on the bus I call Ly and ask him to check my email for me - which I am known to do. He does, and one email is from the aforementioned acupuncturist saying that due to some communication errors (it's a long story, but suffice it to say we both knew when the appointment was, that is was "suppose" to take place, that she had already cancelled on me once before with less than 24 hours notice), she would not be at the office as she wasn't sure I got the email with her office address. I lose my shit to Ly over the phone, and in front of a bus full of strangers. I get off the bus, and proceed to leave her a very respectful, yet clearly outlining my present anger issues at the situation, voicemail. I storm to ACT, grab Ly to go find something to buy that could be ingested (Starbucks, for those who were wondering), and let loose with the pressure build-up that this day had come to represent. By the way, thanks honey.

I am now here, sitting in my dark bedroom, with the blinds drawn, where no people are, debating a strategy for going back out into that vast chaos that is today as we have no food and I need to go shopping.

Ah...

better...thanks for listening

EDITED TO UPDATE

So uhm yeah, I finally made a plan to drag my ass to the store. I got to the store, shopped for about an hour and a half, got to the checkstand, the checker rang everything up, I looked in my purse, my wallet was absent. I had my business checkbook, I was safe, or so I thought. Wrote the check, the checker tried to put it through, the "machine" apparently didn't recognize the check, thinking it was the first check written out of that account (so confused about this one). The machine keeps beeping at me telling me to slide my license through. I tell the checker I forgot my wallet, the checker calls a supervisor. Meanwhile, the 3 people behind me, who all had full grocery carts, begin to fidget and try to keep thier friendly smiles. What seems like a gazillion hours later, the supervisor comes over, knows I am a regular customer because they had taken my Safeway card number earlier, and refuses to put the check through because I didn't have my license. I breathe, say fine, take my check, and systematically proceed to dump out my 2 cloth shopping bags, and leave the 3 other grocery bags in the cart for them to put away.

Actually, at this point, I can do nothing but laugh at the debacle that was today. I guess that's good.

Another Tarot Meme (but this one is cooler)

Because it lists your outcomes by percentages.

You scored as III - The Empress. The Empress is a maternal symbol. She is the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects. She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble. When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better. Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength. If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them. If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love. If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness, fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world. III - The Empress 100% VIII - Strength 81% II - The High Priestess 75% IV - The Emperor 75% VI: The Lovers 69% I - Magician 63% XIII: Death 63% XVI: The Tower 56% XI: Justice 56% XIX: The Sun 56% 0 - The Fool 50% X - Wheel of Fortune 44% XV: The Devil 31% Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Jingle Test Answers

PRODUCTS
1. "Just for the fun of it...(DIET COKE)"
2. "If you've got the time, we've got the beer (MILLER BEER)"
3. "Celebrate the moments of your life." (GENERAL FOODS INTERNATIONAL COFFEE)
4. "Sorry, Charlie." (STARKIST TUNA)
5. "In the valley of the jolly ho-ho-ho, (GREEN GIANT)"
6. "Sugar Bear can't get enough." (SUGAR CRISP CEREAL)
7. "Fruit Chewy, (FIG NEWTONS)"
8. "America spells cheese (K.R.A.F.T.)"
9. "It's (SLINKY), it's (SLINKY), oh what a wonderful toy."
10. "Ancient Chinese secret." (CALGON LAUNDRY DETERGENT)

JINGLE/TAG LINE
1. Pork – The Other White Meat
2. Winston cigarettes – Winston tastes good like a cigarette should
3. Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs – I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner
4. Burger King in the 80's – The one I was specifically thinking of was “Where’s the Beef? – But I will give all answers credit as I wasn’t specific
5. Honey Nut Cheerios – It’s a honey of an O; it’s Honey Nut Cheerio’s
6. Faberge Organic Shampoo – And she’ll tell two friends, and so on, and so on
7. Raisin Bran – Two scoops of Raisins
8. Hamm's Beer – From the land of sky blue water
9. Big Red Gum – Kiss a little longer with Big Red
10. Klondike Bars – What would you do for a Klondike Bar

Jingle Test

I'm going to do some jingles, and then I will put products down and you come up with the jingle line. Don't cheat. I'll wait for people to post some answers, and then I'll type the answers out in a few days.

PRODUCTS
1. "Just for the fun of it...(insert product name here)"
2. "If you've got the time, we've got the beer (insert product name here)"
3. "Celebrate the moments of your life." (Product)
4. "Sorry, Charlie." (Product)
5. "In the valley of the jolly ho-ho-ho, (Product Name)"
6. "Sugar Bear can't get enough." (Product Name)
7. "Fruit Chewy, (Insert product name here)"
8. "America spells cheese (Insert spelling here)"
9. "It's (product), it's (product), oh what a wonderful toy."
10. "Ancient Chinese secret." (Product)

JINGLE/TAG LINE
1. Pork
2. Winston cigarettes
3. Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs
4. Burger King in the 80's
5. Honey Nut Cheerios
6. Faberge Organic Shampoo
7. Raisin Bran
8. Hamm's Beer
9. Big Red Gum
10. Klondike Bars

K - Go

Values from Hound

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You don't really value honesty. You do value getting your way, no matter what. And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem. A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!) Generosity: You value generosity highly. So much so that you often put your own needs last. There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart... But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy. Humility: You value humility a fair amount. You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

An Ex-Mo'ey Mish Mosh

There are tons of small things I'm wanting to post about. I've started a few drafts, and decided to combine everything. So this is going to be like leftover night when you were growing up. A little mac and cheese with hot dogs, a little spaghetti, last night's mixed vegetables you couldn't bear to throw away, some about to turn pears, all topped with a nice glass of kool-aid.


So Ly wakes up this morning to water spraying out of the ceiling fan in our bathroom. That's good times. I call and leave a message for the landlord, and am currently in a holding pattern. It's died down, a lot. But there is still a small trickle. I have to wait until she calls back before I can go into work. Our ceiling looks like it got burned with battery acid, the entire apartment more humid than usual, in that northwest mossy sort of way. I wandered around the house with my bloomers on, tits to the wind, in that "got violently pulled out of a very satisfying dream" state. My face eventually uncrinkled, I kissed Ly, and sent him on his way to work. Tried to go back to sleep, to no avail. Got up and chanted for a half hour, and well, the world is a different place.

Speaking of chanting and the world being a different place. Last Monday I came home from a full day of massaging. I was in so much pain, I couldn't sit up, I couldn't move my right hand, and I just cried. I worked just one muscle in my right shoulder (the levator scapulae - for those of you wanting to know such things), I propped myself up, decided I was sick and tired of being a slave to pain, chanted and cried for 45 minutes. At the end of my chanting session, I had absolutely no pain, could move my fingers, and stand. I hear all these medical stories in the SGI. Stories of epileptics becoming asymptomatic after chanting for a year, AIDS victims who have faced death multiple times (as in had a T cell count of 13 - that's very low), and are still here to talk about it. One of the stories that first really got me into considering becoming a Buddhist, was the story of a woman who had cancer in her entire larynx(voicebox). She had to have the entire thing removed. She obviously had no voice after this. Despite having no voice, she chanted by pushing air through her mouth, and moving her lips. After 2 years of "chanting", this woman went back to the doctor, they did a laryngeal scope, and her body had grown scar tissue that was functioning as vocal cords. The woman could totally speak. Come hell or high water, I am going to get a handle on this pain. My mind is going to heal my body, that's all there is to it.

See, this shit fascinates the hell outta me. Quantum physics, string theory, particle-wave duality, multiple dimensions - GOOD TIMES! I think the bottom line, is that by the end of my life, I just want to be able to put my hands on people, and have them be well. I wanna move things with my mind. You wait man, you wait.

Ok, so I wish I were in Albuquerque. I miss my friends. And the kids are so cute, they're killing. Ladies, have one for me, K?

I also wanted to post a thing about anger. I decided to scrap my draft, and just condense some stuff. I've just really been trying to reconcile the fact that I'm an angry bitch sometimes. Uhm, yeah, whatever peanut gallery. Seriously, I'm like Stine, get your mind off your own damn self for a second. Then I do that, and the anger dissipates (doesn't leave, but dissipates). I've been trying to work it more where I can transform the shit, before it becomes destructive. It's still the same energy, but it creates something different, if that makes sense. I fail at it, often. But at least I can practice for the rest of my life.

I was going to post something about women and anger in relation to growing up Mormon, but decided to scrap most of that too. Yes, there are issues, yes, women are marginalized, undercut, loved and, at times, respected. But they are also not given the same consideration, on a large scale, as men. But you know, guess the only choice I have is to tranform that too. Don't know if any of that made any sense, but it was satisfying to type.

So the last thing I wanted to post about was jingles. I got a bunch of old commercial jingles in my head the other day, and was like, I should do a jingle test. So I'm gonna make one up, and post it in a bit.

TaTas

Anniversary plans, and various other asundry volleys

So the hound and I finally have our anniversary plans secured. And before I tell you where we are going and what we are doing, I should mention that we have never been on a vacation that hasn't involved friends or family members. We are going to be disappearing to The Swan in Port Townsend, Washington. I think the name of our hotel is quite apropos considering Ly just got done playing one. I just found out from my friend E who is here working with me, that An Officer and a Gentleman was filmed in Port Townsend. Who knew?

So let's see, the past week has been spent working, and on about 3 or 4 sunny days, lounging by the pool at our apartment complex. Even though our pool has a slight "Motel 6 back in the 60's" feel, they refinished the pool tiles, drained it a few times, and it's been good to go.

My Buddhist friend R went to the UK for almost 2 weeks. Before she left, she asked me if I wouldn't mind borrowing her car for that time. I'm like, uhm...wait a minute...I need to really think about this...

HELL JAH!

So we've had a car for the past week, and will have it until next Monday. My body SO needs a car. It's been so nice to not have to drag my little roller bag of sheets to the chiropractor's each week. Although, note to Stine and Ly, when buying your own car - leg room, and more importantly head room of utmost importance. Little cars are not made for cervically impaired (thank you Eileen) Amazon girls.

In other travelling news, I think Ly and I have also finally decided that one way or another, we will be able to go to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving to visit Ms. Krause. This of course, makes me giddy. Yoga classes, turkey, chilling, breezy drives, playing with the kidlets, all sounds delightful. So I am very excited about that.

Universe, please tell the massage people to send me my money. K?

I also wish Ly would tell about his Buddhist news.

PS

Just to clarify, I drink alcohol sometimes. I am not trying to lump everyone who drinks alcohol into the same bag. In my experience, the majority of people who have gone off to me about smoking, have been conservatives who see nothing wrong with having a bottle of merlot each night. That is all.