Friday, October 28, 2005

Good times and bum times...I've seen them all...

and my dear...I'm still here. God I love that song.

Sitting here waiting for my next client to arrive. I just got a massage from the other massage therapist that works at the chiropractor's. She's quite good. It was nice to see the differences in our styles. She is much more acupressure/shiatsu/stretching/deep tissue tracing, and I am much more myofascial/ slow probing cross fiber friction/craniosacral/deep tissue sheering/structural integration/injury. All I can say is thank God I got a massage on opening night because I am NERVOUS as hell. I mean last night, at preview, I started to really get into my drunk scene, went up on a line, and proceeded to cover by drinking more and burping and nearly knocking the set down. I guess in retrospect it was funny, but it felt like "that" dream that actors have where they can't remember their lines and the silences last for YEARS. We/I recovered, but damn it scared the beejeezus outta me. But, (knock on wood) you know what they say, a crappy dress rehearsal/preview, and a good opening night. My fingers crossed, and cries of breaking tits abound.

It's gonna be great, I just can't wait until the party afterwards, then I will have done it with people in front of me, and the rest will be cake. It's a kick-ass group of actors though. I haven't been in a cast this tight and well-honed for a long, long time. Even though their have been some interpersonal problems with the production, I do have to give one shout out to the director by saying, "Thank you for the best acting opportunity of my life."

Ok, off to try and nap before my next client.

And Stine, the line is, "There's nothing wrong with your wife Mike..."

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I'm sorry, meme posting Queen but this one is fun


If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?

Reply here, then post the above line in your own blog.

Don't know my ass

from my elbow right now. I'm in tech week hell. Many personal things have hit the fan in the past week. Don't know if I can post about them. Don't have time to read tons right now, but I hope to get caught up once this show goes up.

Week and a half Mandy, week and a half. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

More and more memes(religion)

You fit in with:

Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.

80% spiritual.
80% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Memory of Water show pics

Here are some promo pics from my latest show:

Funny Face


Stine plays with socks


Water Makes you High

Yes, don't mind if I do

I'm going to do this because I'm SO procrastinating doing my school stuff and all the organization stuff that needs to be done for this show to get off the ground.

10 years ago: Lyam and I were living in SLC packing all our things getting ready to move to Seattle in a week and a half. We were in the processing of quitting our job at the telemarkters (HATED IT!) and closing out all our accounts, etc. etc.

5 years ago: I will in the middle of massage school and working 40 hours each week. Lyam was in the process of putting up the production of his zombie play "Sunken" at Open Circle Theater.

1 year ago: Ly and I were having some "times" in our marriage, I was doing Jesus Christ Superstar and had just started working for the chiropractor. Lyam was facing another season of mirth at the work place formerly known as the Harpie Toy Store.

5 snacks: anything with cheesey sauce, honey roasted peanuts, popcorn, smart puffs, string cheese

5 songs I know all the words to: Time Heals Everything, I Just Wanna Be a Star, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Mamma's Little Sweet (one my mother made up and used to sing to me at night), Mandy by Barry Manilow (so fucking shoot me)

5 things I could do with $100 million: off all my debts (excuse my while I fantasize), buy a car, buy a house, invest enough for our retirement, pay for enough IVF to possibly have a baby.

5 things I would never wear: bikini, polo shirts, hip hugger jeans, tube tops, no more big saggy baggy dresses

5 favorite tv shows: Lost, Amazing Race, 24, Buffy (when it was on), Firefly and Angel (when they were on)

5 biggest joys: cuddling and rubbing my body all over the hound at the end of a long day, hearing happy stories about my friends and family members children, Buddhism and chanting, when I am in the ZONE and lose time and become one with my clients body, getting a really killer cathartic bodywork session

5 favorite toys: My strap on, my husband, my purple blankee, my little tin, my hoohaa

- Beige, Ly, Rob - go to town dudes!

Monday, October 17, 2005

I woke up to

the news that Lyam's brother and his wife are going to have another baby. I'm happy for them, I truly am.

I am also very, very, very sad. I go for a long spell feeling fine, living and loving my life, and then something hits me and I remember that I will never give birth to a child all over again. I chanted for an 1/2 hour yesterday. I released a lot of breath and by the end of the chanting I was crying. So I got on the floor, started to do some fascial stretches in my belly. I got up to right below my naval (where the bulk of my scar tissue still resides from last year's surgery) and did some cranialsacral there. I just sobbed and sobbed for 20 minutes. It was good, but it released a whole mess of stuff. I have come to the conclusion that I will always process this loss. I will always feel a loss. I have gotten to the point that I can be truly excited and happy for my friends and family who are going to give birth, but I'd be lying to say that there won't always be a place in me that aches deeply.

I also find that many women who have children, don't really know what to say to me when I feel like this. It's not like I really want them to say anything. I guess what I want, more than anything else, is for them to feel grateful for what they have, not take their situations for granted, and just hear me and be sensitive to the fact that there are women out there who have this void in their lives.

Even if I do it in my 40's, there is a child out there that needs me, that I will raise and to whom I will give everything I have.

Friday, October 14, 2005

More memes

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination.
You were born to be a doctor.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Afternoon's asscrack
Computer screen is blurry
Allergies plague me

The Beige's birthday
There is much more wiggle room
Things were transparent

It's that guy named Rob
So nice to water poor folk
Where did your chaps go?

Ly, no more naked
Stine's cold walking to the house
The floor romp was gud...

Not nearly as good as Missuz J's, but Haiku seems to be the only way to communicate today since I decided to come into work.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Period Panties & Line Loads

I had to get your attention somehow.

First let's talk period panties. We all have them, well the girls do. These are the panties that are more often than not comfy cotton. They are usually flowered, pastel, white and/or worn. I was sporting mine the other day and just started laughing at my pinkish panties that were hugging my increasingly gravity ridden breasts. They bunched up around my ass, flattered me not, and made me look 20 years older than I am - well made my ASS look 20 years older than it is. I wonder at our grandmothers using rags and those chastity belt S&M looking devices in the 50's and 60's. How many Chanel suits were ruined by such contraptions? I wonder if these were all invented by men. I wonder how many "female" accessories have actually been designed by women? Things that make you go hmmmm?

No point to the above paragraph really, just pondering my collection and wishing to hell I had some money to go and buy a new round of panties so that the mid-line panty troups could be relegated to period brigade.

So I'm freaking about my line load in this show. I haven't had these many lines in many years and there have been vast brain cells gone the way of the dodo since then. I'm pretty much looking at my script in every spare moment I'm awake. I answer the phone at the massage school in a Brittish accent and go over and over key monologues as I type the admissions entries. I spoke to another one of the actresses last night and she's freaking as well. This makes me feel a little better to know that I'm not the only one. It will all be fine, I just need to make these lines a priority (dusting and vacuuming my house be damned).

No point to this entire post really, I'm just playing hooky from my latest project at the school.

Happy Birthday To...

  • Mr. Beige
  • Thursday, October 06, 2005

    Stine takin' names...

    So I just spoke with T at the chiropractor's office. I am official. I just got my providership letter and introductory kit with American Whole Health. Starting November 1st I will get to see clients from 5 or 6 different insurance companies. More money is mo' bettah! Hell yeah! It's been a long time coming. I've been waiting for this to come through for like 6 months now. It's hard to believe that within two months I won't have to sit behind a computer for 8 hours a day, and will get to do what I love, full-time.

    I just dropped my flyers off at Allstar Fitness. I met a very cute, and nice guy name Che(sp?). He was a sweetie, and promised that my flyers, once approved by the marketing guy, will get put up all over the fitness center. Next Thursday man, gonna do me some massage and then work out like a mad woman! Steam room, here I come.

    So, in addition to this, the Hound got two interviews scheduled for the next week. One is an extra seasonal gig at a call center, the other is at an adult video store. I'm crossing my fingers for the latter to come through. Free rentals? Hook me up dude! So, dare I say, there is a break in the financial clouds ahead? (Knock on wood)

    In addition, I've been a barrel of laughs at the school lately. It's just so nice to not have anything I'm in charge of here any more. The stress here is completely lifted, for me. They are going to work with me on transferring to COBRA, and hopefully the money will all work out.

    Rehearsals are going well. I still worry that we don't have enough rehearsals, but I think I'm just freaked at the size of this role and that I haven't done anything like it in many years. We blocked my breakdown scene yesterday. While it was emotional exhausting, it was so very fun. Now I'm just in memorize, memorize mode.

    Ok, off to worky with me. Later Skaters!

    Saturday, October 01, 2005

    Funny how...

    things can be as dismal as dismal can be one day, and then, the next, you get a brand new spanking job at a posh fitness center in a big downtown office building catering to the business class, and many people with money.

    Let's here it for intention!

    The phasing into just doing massage for a living is becoming a reality. Yay!