Random updates

The New Year was splendid in the hound's and my world. We went out to my friend M's house in Ravensdale. It's about an hour drive from Seattle. They live on a lake that reminds me of On Golden Pond. It's a nice little cabin'ish feel cozy place. We drank, smoked, played games, lit fireworks. The lights went out a couple times. I seriously had visions of Wolf Creek or some scary movie that takes place in the woods. Very fun. We toasted in the New Year and all eventually fell off to bed. In the morning, M's hubby J roasted us a nice wake and bake, then I made my famous (if I do say so myself) biscuits and gravy. Nothing like carbs and fat to stave of the hangover. We then had a leisurely ride back to Seattle, and then went to see Walk the Line.

Speaking of sexy motherfuckers, Joaquin Phoenix is quite that. Damn he looks good in black. I knew that he did his own singing for this movie, but I didn't realize Reese did as well. Very, very believable, and talented.

Updates from babyland, my friend M is doing nicely. She wants to leave the massage school before she has the baby. I hope she is able to. I can't wait until she has this baby. I also just found out that one of my good friends from massage school is pregnant with twins. She just turned 37. I'm very happy for her. My younger (as in 21 years old) sister just had her first child. They named her Kaisha. It's very exciting to see all these babies. Which brings me to one of the presents I got from my step-mother (the mother of my younger half sister who just had the baby). It was a framed picture. In this picture was professionally hand-drawn likenesses of all my neices and nephews. In the center of all the children was a likeness of Jesus Christ. He was holding Kaisha. Below all the children, there was printed a verse from the Book of Mormon: "And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones." 3 Nephi 17:23.

Ok, so before this, my father had sent me a very nice picture he had taken of me when I was about 8 years old. He had it framed, and it was very touching and personal. I never get personal things from them, and usually the gifts they give don't really have anything to do with me, who I am or what I like at any given point. I'm not saying that they should, it's just nice to get a gift that shows someone knows who you are. So the picture my father sent was very nice, and I was very touched. This second picture they sent was...uhm...nice. I mean I love my family, I love my neices and nephews, but the presentation of it all just struck me as very disingenuous. And there was an underlying tone of, "you breed, you get attention and are rewarded." I know they don't consciously think this way, but it's kind of true. It's especially true in Mormon families. The people with the children get the most focus.

Needless to say I've been dealing a lot lately with feeling second best, second choice, and just forgotten. I know this isn't true, I know much of this is my own shit, and I fully claim it. I just have moments of feeling bad, and when I got this picture of the children, I just cried, and cried, and cried. Anyway, water under the bridge.

Mostly, lately, I've been chanting and focusing on clearing my body for my surgery. I've really been exploring what lies behind the karma associated with my neck. I mean you'd think I'd have figured it out by now after soon to be 3 thyroid surgeries, a vocal cord surgery, a broken neck, and 3 or 4 herniated disks. Something going on there Stine. I have been telling my body that my voice needs to remain in tact so that I can keep chanting and telling people about how practicing Buddhism has changed my life. It has given me that groundedness I have so longed for. Doesn't mean that things don't still suck, that I don't feel shitty, ugly, fat, useless, etc. etc., but at the end of the day, I still feel hope. That feeling of hope is getting stronger, it's getting more prevalent in my daily life. I will all of the sudden just think to myself, shit I feel positive. I mean hell, 3 years ago, that would NEVER have happened on any regular basis. So, I go into this surgery feeling hopefully, fully prepared to take on whatever life throws my way. I have a lot of supportive people in my life - despite sometimes feeling all the things I mentioned above.

It may be a bit before I'm back online again. I'm gonna check back once more before Friday morning. Until then, peace dudes.