So those of you who know me, know that I like rain, I like rain a lot. That said, I am about to go 100% batshit crazy if this rain keeps up. We are setting records up here in Seattle. I have never been one to suffer from seasonal affective disorder (many other disorders, yes), but couple all this rain with being stuck in the apartment recouperating, and it's all taking it's toll.
A sidebar to all of this, is that I'm not sure where I learned this, but somewhere in my past I have had it drilled into my head that if I'm not doing something, being productive, being needed by someone or something, I have no use for all practical purposes. I just feel like a big tub o' lard that hasn't done shit for 2 weeks now. I mean thank God I'm taking this herbalife and it's cleaning me out like it is (oh nelly, and I do mean CLEAN), or I would really feel like a big lump of whale blubber. Come on ladies, you know those days. And I am reminded of P's blog post about hating knowing when one's reactions are due to hormones, and having someone point that out, and them being right. Only difference now, I'm pointing my own hormonal issues out.
Thus, the recipe I've come up with to explain my current dark malaise is:
8 parts surgery (number 11 and counting)
2 parts general anesthetic (past and present) running havoc in my system
5 parts record rainfall in Seattle
3 parts "time factor" in healing after surgery
2 parts hormones
60 parts boredom
5 parts inability to exercise like I had been (oh give me a home where the endorphins roam...)
2 parts inability to move energy through my body via the bodywork I give to other people
20 parts I'm just farking OVER. IT.
The recipe I've been trying to follow to counteract the dark malaise:
200 parts chanting
10 parts reading
5 parts telling myself and my overactive brain to shut the fuck up
3 parts scheduling at least one or two activities a day in which I get out of the apartment
3 parts insurance billing and paperwork to keep busy
Mostly, it's a good counter spell, I just happen to be in a downswing right now.
Wee.....wee..............ahhhhhh......
wee........
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Bat-shit crazy
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7 comments:
I'm not sure where I learned this, but somewhere in my past I have had it drilled into my head that if I'm not doing something, being productive, being needed by someone or something, I have no use for all practical purposes.
This is a belief that, sadly, permeates our very culture. It comes from numerous sources, but can primarily be traced either to the protestant work ethic (which holds that all idleness and pleasure put us on that slippery slope of sin), objectivism (which holds that only people who accomplish great things are actually worth so much as a polished turd) and, perhaps paradoxically, Marxism (which is so obsessed with utilitarianism that it dismisses all idleness as a bourgeois luxury).
In any case, it's bullshit. I think we need to reclaim the nobility of enlightened laziness.
Well I think my particular version comes, in part, from my very well meaning and overwhelmed mother during my teen years.
Oh, the many things we get to thank our mothers for. I get to thank mine for that very thing too, although I've been working hard on cultivating that 'nobility of enlightened laziness'. Some days though, I feel like an absolute LOSER for not having a perfectly clean house with all the laundry done and a wholesome meal simmering in the crock pot. I think you're on the right track with your counterspell though, especially the chanting, but you don't need me to tell you that.
p.s. We started our teacher training class yesterday with chanting, and it almost made me bawl. Probably would have been good if I had, but damn, vocalizing shit is HARD sometimes.
Maybe you need to add at least 1 part accepting.
Not like that's my strong suit or anything.
A - That's very cool about the chanting, I've cried many times while doing it.
B - I think you're onto something with the accepting thing.
I love the rain too, but I hear ya, this drizzle stuff sucks. If it's gonna rain make it RAIN.
Thank the gods for my all spectrum light. It really does work, and if you're a crafty type person it's double cool because it doesn't warp colors.
Having surfing in your past days, I'm glad your surgery went well. Since we have that thyroid bond happening, you're in my thoughts. :)
I know this is a kind of old post (shame on me for not seeing it sooner) but...that sucks. I hope with some time behind you now that you don't feel this way anymore and that you're out and about more. yes?
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