Ya know...

Sometimes I can be very annoying, know-it-all, busy-body. I realize that this may not be news to some of you. The last thing I ever intend to do is piss people off who just don't want to hear it. I realize that much of this may be my projections, but some of it isn't.

I worry sometimes, especially in regards to my Buddhist practice, that some people feel like I'm shoving the whole "up-with-people-positivity-you-can-create-whatever-you-want-in-your-life" in their faces. I don't want to become one of those religious fanatic types. It's hard sometimes, because very often, I tend to not view the Buddhism I practice as "religion", per se. I view it as bodywork, spirit work, vocal work, and in the end, religion - if you feel better calling it that. Thing is, Buddha was a man. He attained enlightenment in this life, in the present moment. I fully believe that anyone can create this.

I just get very zealous sometimes thinking about all the good things my practice has created in my life. I get zealous, I see people I care about suffering, and I want to help. I think I need to develop more creative nuances in how I share my experience.

I also worry sometimes (I am human and can't help it), that people think my life is all tea and cakes. Not true, at all. Things still suck, my body still hurts (a lot - but not as much as it did one month ago before I started making my physical pain a big part of my practice), I still feel extremely overwhelmed, I still get really fucking angry at a lot of things. It just seems like these emotions don't have as much control over me as they used to, which is nice. I also don't tend to post the extent of the "bad stuff" because I've been burned, a lot, when I've posted such things online in the past. Ultimately, the bottom line is, that if there is anything about me or my life that can assist someone I care about to create happiness in their own lives, then I'll do whatever it takes.

I post this disclaimer today for me. No one has spoken with me directly about any ill effects of my sometimes annoying positivity. If what I say resonates, then perhaps reading this will shed some light on my intentions, perhaps not. Ultimately, I just want the people I care about to be happy. The thing I have to remind myself of constantly is that they will be happy when they are ready to be happy, and not in accordance with my timelines.

I guess it's a good thing that I didn't get my Master's in Psychology. They say you teach best what you most need to learn.