I finished a big long post last week, and blogger ate it. But I figured I'd recreate a bit of it, plus add some new things. I've been a bit blogger shy since mailing out a link to my last post to a bunch of people including family, and getting various reactions from family members. Most loved the post. A small percentage loved the post, but had a few problems with my blogger profile page. More specifically, they had a problem with some of my listed interests. There are more details, but they are immaterial really. My interests are a part of me, and they will either read my blog, or they won’t. And that is all she wrote.
So, my question, for the last few weeks has been: Who took the rule out of the drivers handbook about 4 way stops and multiple people get there at the same time? The person on the right goes? Yes? Anyone? Anyone?
And who, told at least 3/4 of the driving population that they should not under any circumstances, signal before turning right or left. In fact, it is even better, if you don't even slow down much before veering into the aforementioned turn.
And someone, I don't know who, has been giving crystal meth to the blue hairs. But I've had at least two grannies in the last 2 weeks totally CUT ME OFF at the pass and barely missed nicking my car while vying for a parking spot at the damn grocery store. I mean shitballs these bitches were hard core.
People have been INSANE on the roads the past two weeks. And yes, I'm SURE there's a small window for projection, but seriously folks, what gives?
Ok, now that's out. Whew, feel better.
I started my cranial sacral certification. And it is gud...it is so gu...ud! Most loving it. Of course it totally is showing me how much there is to learn. I could learn this stuff for the rest of my life, and still only barely begin to have a clue. The class, and I've only had 1 module(there are 9 more), has given words to things I've already felt in the body, and with the words, it's more easy to perceive those things.
Except there is one thing I'd love to talk about, it's the idea of creating fulcrums. As a practitioner, you ground yourself by visualizing your breath/energy/whatever going into the ground below your sacrum. Then, you visualize a line of breath/energy/whatever coming out of the back of your head, just below your occiput(or the little bump on the back of your head). This energy extends out behind you at a 45 degree angle, and anchors you into the ground behind you.
I have found this later fulcrum to be very valuable in my work the past week. You can also imagine your attention moving backwards, away from the client, as you do this. You and the client negotiate an "attention space" that feels comfortable to you both. It adds a whole new level of softness and depth to the moments you remember to do it. It's an interesting exercise to actually try and be aware of, and feel your back body. It has made me realize how much I'm always pushing forward, trying to get to the next moment, instead of chilling, taking a damn breath, and letting it come to me.
Funny me bitching about drivers, n'est-ce-pas?
Total non sequitur, for you parents out there, I'm curious how many of you employ behaviorism in raising your children? If you do use behaviorism, I'd be curious to hear how you use it, at what times, with what results. I'm interested what kinds of disciplinary measures you use, and what kinds of results you see.
For the non-parents, as I am VERY interested in your feedback as well (and am really tired of having my opinion discounted in all things child related because I am a non-parent), do any of you have nieces nephews? What about children you babysit? Do any of you employ behaviorism with these children, and if so, to what success, or failure? What about if the child has a serious medical condition? Would that change any answers to the above questions?
More to come.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Hello World
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9 comments:
I dislike driving so much because of the reckless way others approach it. The car scares me. Especially when I'm a passenger. But I guess that is the control freak in me.
I'd love to answer your question about behaviorism but I'm not sure what methods it means specifically. If you give me some examples I could help you out.
The biggest influence on my parenting style has probably been the book The Happiest Toddler on the Block: http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Toddler-Block-Well-Behaved-Four-Year-Old/dp/0553381431
Most specifically when Noah is upset about something I acknowledge his distress before trying to get past it. For example "I know. You're sad. You don't want to stop playing with the truck. I understand. But it's time to go out now. And you can play with the truck again when we get home. I promise." At least with Noah it has been a really great way to minimize and get past any temper tantrums. The theory is that more than wanting what they want- a child wants to be heard and understood.
Oh and the other technique I use is a kitchen timer. As in "Bathtime is in 15 minutes. I'll set the timer and when it rings, it is time to go up for bath." It really helps with transitions. It gives Noah a warning that we are going to move on to something else - and creates a window of time for him to adjust. And not just a seemingly arbitrary window of time - but a recognizable signal.
Okay. Enough of that. Don't know if that means a hill of beans to you.
It does mean a hill of beans NME. I've heard of many parents using the timer/notice thing. I think that's a great idea as it does give the child time to prepare for what will happen in the future.
Behaviorism examples include Pavlov's dog. Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement are all products of behaviorism. I think it is very important to follow through with time-outs instead of cutting them short if the child has a melt-down.
Mostly I'm interested in disciplinary measures and how they are employed.
I think that's great that you acknowledge Noah's feelings, and still gently assert what will happen.
I'll be back to tell more of why I'm interested in hearing about all of this.
behaviorhunh?
It's mostly a punishment fits the crime and severity of said crime around here.
And it also depends on the child. Age and who. Because different things work for different children. Even in the same household. A time out may work for Pixie but they don't do squat for Muffin Man given the way his brain works. For Button it's taking away her MP3 player, the way she reacts you'd think I was cutting off an arm. I literally have 4 different parenting styles and it's no wonder I'm exhausted at the end of the day.
Once a child has reached meltdown point for what ever reason, be it lack of communication ability or just tired crankiness (not often is it true brattiness, unless you're the 10 year old girl down the street) anything is almost pointless. I've used the timer thing when the kids are much younger and that really does help, a lot.
I'm curious as to where this is going.
Discipline? What's that?
Actually, with Soph, I end up using lots of stuff from my classroom management, which is probably because that's what I know. I tell her what she's doing that she shouldn't be doing (Sophie, we don't spit on our blocks to get them to stick together) and why (because spit has germs and that's gross) and then tell her what she should do instead (so please just stack them without spitting on them.)
I do time outs with a timer too, and sometimes take toys away if things get really bad.
Spankings are reserved for times when she puts herself in grave danger--i.e. crossing the street without permission.
I'm trying to think if I use a specific rewards system, but I really don't. I tried to do a job chart with stickers, but she just found the stickers and put them on by herself.
Oh. And I ring a bell right before snack time. ;)
Let me begin by stating that I'm emphatically anti-spanking. I would never, in a million years, raise my hand to the twins. However, I'm all for smacking Keda around. So, if the girls step out of line I just punch Keda in the stomach or deliver a swift scissor kick to her face. That shapes them up in a jiff.
Seriously, though, I'd love to comment on this however I feel like I'm in no position to do so yet. I haven't logged nearly enough flight time to be considered anything resembling a guardian. Maybe a "guard". Fuck it...who am I kidding? I haven't even matriculated into "Guar" yet.
I can say this: Whatever style that I'm developing isn't really behaviorism, per se, but it definitely has it's roots in it. If the girls do something awesome, I tell them that what they've done is awesome. If the girls are being twits, I tell them that they're being twits. If they do something punishable, I punish them (like A, the punishment fits the crime, personality and environmet). Once the tears subside and the punishment has been served, we sit down and discuss why they were punished. I don't know how effective this is in the big picture. I'm assuming it's pretty good because I got it, mostly, by watching my sister and it's the same way I interface with her littles. Her kids are pretty non-axe-murdery so I guess it's a good way to go about raising children. Either way, the girls don't hate me (yet) and they behave pretty well so it's workin' for the nonce.
NEW POST ABOUT YOU PLS! OKTHX!
Thanks for all the responses. I asked because there was an incident with a family member where I was in the discliplinary role, and they wanted to disrupt and comfort a child while she was being given a time-out. My thoughts were that it would totally undermine the discipline if every time she was given a time-out, she knew that she only had to scream, cry, and play on people's emotion in order to get out of receiving the time out.
There's more to the story, but as my next post will illuminate, I've been a little gun shy lately in giving details of my family and their interactions.
PS - Rob, I was really excited to see your response and hear how living with the girls was going.
my girls have always been given time out and frankly if it leads to a meltdown then the door gets shut and they have to melt down/time out for even longer... at least until they stop screaming and apologise for hurting my ears.
but i also reward them for good behavior all the time. this has taken the form of sticker charts, special time together and ice cream ;) amoing others.
i never spank. and i think it's a pointless and lazy thing to do generally. sorry who-ever i offend with that. but it's something very important to me.
according to some phsychologists i talk excessively to my children, and over explain things. but i've found that through talking and explaining my own feelings and trying to understand theirs, they trust me more and are more willing to ask questions and see reason quicker.
i also apologise whenever i make a mistake. and i allow them to see me being wrong and crying/getting angry, so that they don't feel like it's only them who make mistakes.
well you did ask. ;)
rob's doing great btw. he's definately learnt a lot from angie and her kiddies. which is a great help to... not having to train him from scratch!
i think you did the right thing and i would agree with your take on the incident you mentioned.
i see people give in to meltdowns and comfort/play with and distract kids i've put on time out in school, or at least i used to... until they learnt that i get even fiercer with adults ;)
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