Story of my Life

Mormon gif
Originally uploaded by cwrubs.

For the Utah folk.

From turkey flesh...

to the 4 year and 12 day count down to the big one. Yes, contrary to popular belief, and many of Stine's own personal delusions, the purple girl will indeed, one day, turn 40. Don't say it too loudly, k, please?

Ly is cooking up some such something-or-other for the old woman's 36th. All I know is whispers, emails sent in the night, and a little gnome getting a certain birthday card with a certain mandala on it out of my journal when he didn't know I was watching him. So, needless to say I think I have an "idea" of what one part of the b-day will entail. Honestly, don't know if I'm ready for the pain. Hell Ly, are YOU ready for me and the pain? But damnit it all, it sure will be purty when it's done - that's if I live through it again. Pardon my being vague, but I should leave some semblance of surprise for that part of my birthday. I'll post all about it after the 11th. The only other thing I know is that something else is being planned. I know there are women involved. This only leaves me to go, as the great Ly would put it - tee AND/OR hee.

Turkey day went off relatively smoothly. And despite a brief cooking time trauma, the amaretto turkey was divine. The gravy it made, despite my lovely husband's "working 65 hours a week and very *happy*" mishap throwing away the turkey drippings, the gravy was like candy. I gotta say though, I boiled the hell outta the carcass and made a tasty turkey noodle soup. It's turned into more of a stew, but the amaretto has made the base of this soup quite lovely.

In other news, I called up Virginia Mason today. This is the hospital that I've been going to for like ten years now. My insurance has been such that I have to pay 10% of all incurred charges along with my monthly payment that the school "was" paying for me. They no longer are because I'm below the number of hours it takes, etc. etc. Anyway, this is the hospital that paralyzed my vocal cord. This is the hospital that I've given shitloads of money to in the last ten years. Anyway, they sent me a bill, I called them and told them I would need to make payments. Ly and I are poor, because we pay all our bills each month and we have a lot of them. The amount I told the hospital I could pay each month was not acceptable to them. This came directly for one very indignant customer service rep. She told me I could write a letter to such and such administrator to explain why I couldn't pay what they wanted. Two months go by and I get a notice from a fucking collection agency. This hospital sent me to collections for 87.75. Of course, after my MRI in August and all this herniated disk in my neck bullshit, I owe them much more. However, this 87.75 was an old bill. I am still very busy at this point and frankly, at the time, in denial about dealing with it. I finally paid it off - thank you Ly's second job. I get two more bills from the hospital for a gazillion dollars each, and so I call them today to see what payments they have received, what they hadn't, and to tell them that there wasn't any way I could pay the gazillion dollars in one lump sum. I get this chick on the phone, and ask to speak to the woman who I was suppose to write this "letter" to the last time I spoke with someone from the hospital. Note: I started my period yesterday. This woman assures me that she could help me (not that she would have wanted that honor once she knew what was coming to her). So I launch in and my diatribe goes something like this:

"I have been a customer of Virginia Mason for ten years. I have given your hospital lots of money, and most of my doctors reside there. I told you I could pay such and such for this old bill, that was not acceptable, and you sent me to collections for 87.75. I have no car, own no home, have no assets (other than a small 401K), feel free to take my CD collection for payment. I mean Christ, your hospital paralyzed my right vocal cord in 1999. I am an actor and singer, and my voice will NEVER be what it was. I will NEVER do the things I could have done before. I am sitting here looking at 3 editorial letters that are posted and ready to be sent to all the major newspapers in this city telling my story. I'm SURE you don't want that kind of publicity for your hospital. Get someone on the phone who can HELP ME, and come up with a solution that will work for EVERYONE."

Needless to say, she worked out a payment plan with me. I still don't know how Ly and I are going to do it, especially in January when I will be out of work due to more surgery. I get so sick and fucking tired of the establishment gouging middle class poor folk who are only trying to make ends meat. The insurance companies, the drug companies should all be fucking ashamed of themselves. We are the richest, gaudiest mother-fucking country in this world, and we can't even take care of our own damn people. I am SO for socialized medicine. /end rant

It's "supposed" to snow tonight or tomorrow. I hope it sticks...a little. I miss my snow.

Note to self: Must post about dad, soon.

The Devil's Rejects

and other movies I hate. And I thought I wouldn't have time to post. I sit here cloistered in my room as The Beige and The Hound sit in my living room watching this monstrosity of a movie. Seen here:

This movie can fuck off

Now don't get me wrong, in the 12 years I've been with the Hound, my tastes have broadened, and spread their proverbial wings like an engorged vulva...but Rob Zombie, bless his heart, will be shot on sight if I should ever see him on the street. I mean I understand catharsis, I understand adrenaline rush addiction, I understand needing to have that outlet, but this movie, and any like it are so completely removed from anything my body recognizes as human that it shocks me.

And Hound before you go off on me here, I want to give myself credit for becoming a hard-core chop socky fan. I enjoyed Old Boy more than I ever thought possible. I thought Shaun of the Dead was brilliant. But you see, in MY OPINION, these movies were intelligent. They had an intelligent storylines, compelling characters, and suspenseful twists. The movie heretofore not to be named, in my opinion, was made merely to shock and nauseate all who view it. I dunno, maybe it's a guy thing. But my burgeoning estrogen levels as I approach aunt flo time, are saying NAY! Nay to beheadings, nay to bare tittied women wearing other people's face skin to disguise themselves, nay to a big FAT asshat clown freak going around killing in the most heinous ways, and fucking women so hard that it borders on surgery.

Isn't it good that husbands and wives have different tastes? Meanwhile, I sit here in front of the computer about to head to our browser's history for more uhm...gentle vice pursuits.

Whirlwind

I've been so MIA lately. Things have been booming as far as business and billing goes, and the paperwork is killing me. I seriously need to consider hiring someone to do my billing.

We're having a small Thanksgiving at our place this year. It will be the first time in 9 years that I've cooked a turkey. I'm going to brine it in Amaretto. It should be lovely. It will be nice for Ly to have his first day off in like a zillion years.

Speaking of, I don't care if you "think" you don't have anything to say, Ly please make another post.

The closing of the show went well, mostly. I guess it went as well as it could have with the circumstances as they were. Too bad that certain people couldn't/didn't come to the cast party. Ah well, it would have been a nice gesture on their part.

So with all this new business and work to do, my time on the computer is getting less and less. It's getting harder to keep up with things. I'm going to try and get caught up with everyone's blog within the next two days.

Have a good day all.

Is this the future?

I'm finding myself a little lost in my future. I think I'm still in that "I'm doing a show" mode. I'm a little "dear in the headlights", "zoned tired girl", "silly goofy chick" meets "Xena the Warrior Princess".

The mother visit was fairly sublime. I love my mommy. We had a good time. So mom comes the first day and says to me, "I have this movie you need to see." I'm like, "ok, what is it?". She tells me it's titled "Sons of Provo". I immediately respond to myself with, "oh shit".

So I try to think of a deal assuming I'm in for some stoopid Mormon flick. So I tell my mother that I will watch her flick if she will chant with me. She agrees. So Saturday night, after the show, P (the lovely man who played my husband in the show), Ly, my mother, my step-father and I all go home. P, Ly, and I proceed to get happy - yes, in front of the Mo parents. I have long since stopped adamently trying to defend my lifestyle. I'm like, this is me, if you don't like it, don't come and visit. So we're happy while my mother sits there setting this story up for us. This mockumentary is about a Mormon boy band. Now, I'm sure this movie won't be nearly as funny to those of you who do not know the history of the church and have not experienced it's sub-culture, but shit dude, it gave Christopher Guest a run for his money. I pissed myself. P, who grew up Protestant on the east coast, wet himself, and he didn't even remotely grow up relating to it. They have auditions where people sing primary songs. They have queens singing show tunes. Speaking of queens, the two main characters are the biggest queens in the world. They have two posters on their wall at home, one of Ozzy, the other of Donny & Marie Osmond. I really cannot adequately describe how funny this movie is. P turns to me halfway during the movie and said, "I didn't realize the Mormons had this sense of humor." I told him that I didn't either - it's been awhile. The rents and I slept, watched movies, they saw my play, we went to a play at ACT on Saturday night. It was a good, relaxing time.

Considering all that has happened, strike went well on Sunday. Lyam showed up. I was very, very happy about that. I think it only goes to show what a good man he is. He wanted to help, and he wanted us all to be done quickly.


Things are still funky with the "situation", but it would seem that it's not going to change any time soon. I still think it is pure foolishness that we didn't extend, but my opinion is known. My opinion regarding why we didn't extend is quite benign compared to some other people in the cast. All I can do is live my life and wish him happiness. Hopefully, at some point in the future, he will choose to be happy all by himself. It's so tiring always defending against all the elements in one's life. I know this position very well, and am very happy to be able to tranform that way of thinking more often. Maybe one day he'll learn the words, "I'm sorry.".

Ly has been working his little butt off. We were able to send a large chunk to our credit cards. I'm so proud of him(you) Ly. We aren't seeing as immediate benefits from this new job as we'd thought, but I think we will be surprised when we receive our new credit card statements. I can't wait until Thanksgiving. It will be the first day Ly has had off in forever, and it will be the first day we will have off together in a long, long time. I'm excited. I think I'm going to be brave and try a amaretto brined turkey.

The only thing that is constant

is change. And today is a big day of that. I quit Atlas theater today, and I also gave notice at Brian Utting. I'm feeling quite relieved actually. I feel as though I've cleared a big space in my life to get focused, redirected, and sure about what I want to create. It's still scary though.

Other little tidbits include:

1. Despite rave reviews, well-attended houses, and audience enjoyment of the shows, we will NOT be extending Memory of Water. That's all I care to say about it here. If you have more specific questions, please email me.

2. Mandy's visit was nice. Things didn't turn out how I wanted or expected, but I suspect they turned out how they were supposed to. Sorry to be so vague, I'm just not sure I'm currently in a place to post about it yet. It was nice to see you Mandy, I hope that you got a little of what you needed on this trip. I love you.

3. The hound and I haven't seen hide nor hair of each other in many days, relatively speaking. l can't wait until Thanksgiving, which will be our first real day off together. Hi honey, I love you!

4. I'm feeling quite calm and collected about everything today. I suspect this is a good thing. Even if it isn't, I'm going to go on as if it is a good thing.

More to come later.

A little bit of everything

In no particular order:

The show went very well this past week. We had 23 people for last night's show, which is good for a second Thursday. We have gotten two critically acclaimed reviews, and (knock on wood) hopefully the rest of the run will continute to grow. I just have so much fun doing this show. It's such a great role, with such great fellow actors. I simply adore working with them all. I'm pretty nervous though because tomorrow night everyone I know is coming to the show. I just have to tune it out and go to "that" place.

Things at Allstar Fitness have started to speed up. I've gotten 3 new insurance clients within this past week. I think, at the end of November, I am going to be done with Brian Utting. I'm considering giving notice this next week when I return. I'm excited to just be doing massage. Also, if I have to keep track of all this billing stuff, I am going to need those extra days at home to get my bookkeeping and billing done. I'm actually thinking of hiring someone to do it so all I have to do is keep my SOAP notes and charts, and they can do the rest. I want to make enough money to have someone for billing and to have an accountant to do my taxes each year.

Mandy will be here in just over 7 hours. I'm so excited I can't stand it. But it will be nice to come home after the show and have the gang there. I too wish she could stay longer, plus I just found out that I have to work most of Monday, and thus probably won't be able to take her back to the airport. That's ok, we will make the most of today, Saturday and Sunday. Sunday is going to be girl day complete with massages, yoga, tarot readings, good healthy food, attitude adjustments, and the kind of happy banter that only we can do.

So there are some intense interpersonal issues that have happened recently. I'm trying to work them all out in my head. I'm not comfortable posting them on the blog outright, but the question is, how to disguise them enough to protect all involved, but still make my points clear.

Let me just say this, friendship is a very tenous thing. Duality exists in every aspect of friendship. There is a fine line between love and hate, defensiveness and taking responsibility, anger and joy. It has caused me to look at myself and reevaluate why I do what I do. It has also caused me to become much more clear in what I want from my life and what I expect from those closest to me. I am no longer comfortable being silent when those close to me make choices that may ultimately hurt themselves and/or others. It's nice to finally realize that. It's nice to know that despite feeling angry, resentful, pissed-off and defensive, that one can come to a place of clarity, compassion, and respect.

More on this later. For now, the clients call.

It's a fine line

between touting one's own horn, and promoting oneself...

http://www.seattleweekly.com/features/0544/051102_arts_performpicks.php