Purple World

Woah

2011-01-05T11:34:00.001-08:00

I just ran across this old war horse, and no I don't mean me. Hello blogland...might have to come back and say hi soon. Need a break from the book of Face.

A Brand New Day

2008-11-05T11:25:00.001-08:00

It's time for hope and hard work

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

2008-11-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

Ready for a change oh yes indeedy do!

I couldn't help it, really - McCain's nastiest moments

2008-10-06T11:38:00.000-07:00

These are DOOZIES

3 in one day...

2008-09-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

OH. MY. GOD.

You think health care is bad now...

wait until this

What McCain ads say

2008-09-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

and what Obama really said

Random Rants

2008-09-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

I realize posting links are a cheap way of updating my blog, but these articles say more than I can about what I'm thinking about these days. Apparently I missed the memo, our economy is doing FINE according to McCain. Well shit I feel so much better now.

And by the way, if any of you missed Tina Fey's impression of Palin, you're missing out, because she was brilliant.

And also, in case some of you women out there take birth control for disabling cramps as I did for many years, under the health care system that John McCain and Palin would endorse, your insurance company would not be required to cover those pills. However, if your husband or partner needs/wants Viagra or Rogaine, they would be able to get these covered. This is only one of the major reasons I get crazy when I hear women say they are going to vote for Palin because she's a woman. I mean how scary to hear, "Well golly, I'll vote for Sarah Palin because she's just like me, she's from a small town, I'm from a small town, she has tits, I have tits, what's not to like? I think I'll vote for her."

And if some of you think that McCain will be the big grand different "change" that we need in Washington, you should check out this...
McCain for Change?

Check your facts people

2008-09-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

For both parties, a place where you can check your facts and stop spouting intelligence-offending bullshit.

McCain

and

Obama

Women Against Palin

2008-09-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

ah yes, reason and intelligence

The World Vote

2008-09-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

If the world got to vote in November

Fear 101

2008-09-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

So my disclaimer before posting what I'm about to post is this: For the next two months the extent to which I have been a raging liberal up to this point is going to multiply times one thousand until this election. Those who take issue with this can feel free to contact me directly with any concerns or disagreements this might spark.

I received this email forward in my email today(who it came from does not matter):

This is a matter of opinion and opinions are like (well you
know) everybody has one.My personal opinion? I agree. If
after reading this Email you disagree, Please, no need to
reply back to me. Your opinion is yours and that's fine,
just delete it.

So my question is, it is fine to forward political "opinions" of one's own as long as those opinions don't have to be challenged, defended with facts or called into question?

*******************

A lot of Americans have become so insulated from reality
that they imagine that America can suffer defeat without any
inconvenience to themselves.Pause a moment, reflect
back.These events are actual events from history. They
really happened!!! Do you remember?1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was
shot and killed by a Muslim male extremist.2. In 1972 at the
Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
Muslim male extremists.3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran
was taken over by Muslim male extremists.4. During the
1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon
by Muslim male extremists.5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks
in Beirut was blown up by Muslim male extremists.6. In 1985
the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old
American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in
his wheelchair by Muslim male extremists.7. In 1985 TWA
flight 847 was hijacked at Athens and a US Navy diver trying
to rescue passengers was murdered by Muslim male extremists.
(remember the pilot of this flight was from Richmond, MO)
8. In 1988 , Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by Muslim male
extremists.9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the
first time by Muslim male extremists.10. In 1998, the US
embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by Muslim male
extremists.11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two
were used as missiles to take down the World Trade Centers
and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon
and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers.
Thousands of people were killed by Muslim male
extremists.12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in
Afghanistan against Muslim male extremists.13. In 2002
reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by-- you
guessed it-- Muslim male extremists.No, I really don't
see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to
ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly
fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners
will no longer be allowed to profile certain people...
Absolutely No Profiling.They must conduct random searches of
80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper
identification, secret agents who are members of the
President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen
with metal hips, and Medal of Hon or winner and former
Governor Joe Foss but leave Muslim Males alone lest they be
guilty of profiling.According to The Book of Revelations:The
Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40's, of MUSLIM
descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive
language, and have a MASSIVE Christlike appeal.. ..the
prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will
promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power,
he will destroy everything.And Now: For the award winning
Act of Stupidity Of all times the People of America want to
elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the
Planet -- The Presidency of the United states of America ..
A Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal
Senator in Congress (in other words an extremist) and in his
40's.Have the American People completely lost their
Minds, or just their Power of Reason ???I'm sorry but I
refuse to take a chance on the 'unknown' candidate
Obama...Let's send this to as many people as we can so
that the Gloria Aldreds and other stupid attorneys along
with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel
ashamed of themselves -- if they have any such sense.As the
writer of the award winning story 'Forest Gump' so
aptly put it,'Stupid Is As Stupid Does'Each
opportunity that you have to send it to a friend or media
outlet..do it! Or again. . . just delete if you
disagree.*

**********************

WTF?

In all honesty, it's really hard for me to believe that anyone in the United States could even remotely read this email and consider it to be in keeping with email's own advocating of retaining "common sense" let alone having any intelligence WHATSOEVER. Have we honestly thrown away any focus or importance on where each candidate stands on any actual issue? Have we honestly taken to spreading the irrational fear of some fundamentalist's idea of what the bible says or purportedly foretells? Are we that unsure of our own positions on the issues that the only outlet is to attack a person's national origin or religion?

Honestly, this email forward scares me more than any political candidate ever could. The stupidity by which some Americans can go throughout their lives not really researching, studying, listening to, or engaging in intelligence discourse about political issues is profound.

Whatever your political bent may be, I personally respect intelligence and communication above all. Stupidity and bigotry that create the kind of fear spread by this email is no better than the "perils" against which the email rages.

The human genome and epigenetics

2008-08-25T13:12:00.001-07:00

So as many of you may or may not know, they've mapped our entire human genome. What that means is that they have long lists of letters that are put together in certain ways that map out exactly what protein-coding genes, RNA, etc. go where, and do what in the human body. Our genome is within percentage points of being the exact the same as rats, monkeys, and a few other mammals. For a long time people have thought that our health, our psychological tendencies, our addictions, and our physical appearance to be the sole product of our genes. Recently research has been illuminating the other side of that argument. I recently watched a NOVA special called Ghost in Your Genes.

Take for example, identical twin girls, according to our understanding of the human genome they have the exact same set of genes and DNA. Those twins reach the age of 60, and one twin develops cancer while the other one does not. Take another set of teen adolescent identical twin boys. At the age of 3 one boy starts to drift into his own world and has a harder time interacting with human beings, or anything live. He starts to obsessively spit on the computer monitor and wipe it clean, over and over and over again. He was eventually diagnosed with severe autism. The other twin boy excels at school, is an athlete, and talks of the colleges to which he will apply.

If genes are the only things at play here, how do identical twins, with exactly the same genes and DNA, divert so greatly in the physiological or psychological symptoms they present?

This is where epigenetics comes into the story. Taken directly from Wikipedia:

Molecular basis of epigenetics

The molecular basis of epigenetics is complex. It involves modifications of the activation of certain genes, but not the basic structure of DNA. Additionally, the chromatin proteins associated with DNA may be activated or silenced. What this means is that every cell in your body has the same instruction manual, but different cell types are using different chapters. Your neurons, for example, contain the DNA instructions on how to make your fingernails- but in neurons, those genes are turned off. Epigenetic changes are preserved when cells divide. Most epigenetic changes only occur within the course of one individual organism's lifetime, but some epigenetic changes are inherited from one generation to the next.[9] Specific epigenetic processes include paramutation, bookmarking, imprinting, gene silencing, X chromosome inactivation, position effect, reprogramming, transvection, maternal effects, the progress of carcinogenesis, many effects of teratogens, regulation of histone modifications and heterochromatin, and technical limitations affecting parthenogenesis and cloning.

Epigenetic research uses a wide range of molecular biologic techniques to further our understanding of epigenetic phenomena, including chromatin immunoprecipitation (together with its large-scale variants ChIP-on-chip and ChIP-seq), fluorescent in situ hybridization, methylation-sensitive restriction enzymes, DNA adenine methyltransferase identification (DamID) and bisulfite sequencing. Furthermore, the use of bioinformatic methods is playing an increasing role (computational epigenetics).

These epigentic chemicals can tell which parts of a strand of DNA to be expressed, and which to be turned off. These epigenetic switches can be mediated, and modified by diet, environment, stress levels, and even the stress levels and amount of food your grandparents had to eat. I recommend the "Tale of Two Mice" interactive on the URL I listed above.

Nuture is getting more press, it's getting more research, and for this little bodyworker, the line between mind and matter is thinning at an outstanding rate.

Thoughts?

Reunions, family, and driving...oh my

2008-08-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

The boy and I finally got back into Seattle after our week long sojourn to Idaho, Utah, my 20th high school reunion, and more family than you can shake a stick at.

It was a very nice drive and much shorter than I remember it being. We stopped in Idaho to stay the night and see my father, my step-mother, my nephew, half-sister, niece I had not met yet, and my unborn niece that is due to make her appearance any day now. If you feel you need a flow-chart to keep track of all the family, join the club. It was good to see them all, and I hope to be able to get down there more frequently, and hopefully they can make it up north on occasion.

We then headed to Utah. Highlights with the family included a delightful afternoon of pedicures and dish with my sister The Rookie, a big free for all dinner with the bulk of my siblings (half, step, real, fake, and everything in between), with my sister A being one of the very missed absentees at this fete. I did a few cranial sacral sessions with the family, which proved to be a very good learning experience. Ly and I connected with some folks we went to school with in Cedar City, Utah that we hadn't seen in about 15 years. Had a lovely dinner with my sister of Chaos in her cute little house, over which I am still harboring envy. We managed to log some good pool time, some good chat and catch up time with family, friends and my precocious nieces and nephews. It was good to see my brother who I don't get to talk to as much as I would like.

The 20th reunion was a mixed bag. At least 4 of the people I was wanting to see didn't come to the reunion, but I did manage to catch up with a VERY old friend with whom I used to totter around in diapers (as infants to clarify for those who were wondering). It was good to see him and his lovely wife. I did feel a little out of place as the majority of people had an average of 4 children. I was truly one of the minority in that I didn't have any children. When telling many folks at the reunion that I was not able to have children, I got that "Oh, you poor thing how lonely your life must be" look. Folks were honestly mortified as though my life just wasn't the same as it would have been if I had bred. I took it all with a grain of salt, spoke of the amazing things with which my life is currently filled, and moved on to other subjects. I did get a little bit of the, "oh...you still doing drAHma? You were always so good at that drAHma." It seemed to me that many of the popular student body folks were still gathered together in the same configurations I remember from high school. The only difference is that they had about 20 more pounds on 'em, more lines around their eyes, and many were sporting fake tans. They chose a good soundtrack for the evening, and I don't care who knows it, 80's music ROCKS!

Ly and I drove straight through on our way back to Seattle. I had to get back to work, and I needed a day to chill before doing so. Plus, this past weekend was filled with weddings, a final party for the massage school I went to, and our 12th anniversary on Sunday.

So that's the skinny, thank you to the family for making it a very adventurous, playful, and entertaining visit.

What's it with me and burning?

2008-06-24T10:40:00.001-07:00

So I am one who has allergies, sinus issues, and a stuffy nose a fair amount of the time. I used to be addicted to those over the counter nose sprays until my wise allergist weened me off of them recently. I have replaced them with an inhaled antihistamine, and a small tin of a really good respiratory salve containing menthol, peppermint, camphor, fir, lavender and some other essential oils that are great for breathing. In addition I have started using a netty pot twice a day and it has changed my life for the better.

Thing is, I also have a tin of a muscle rubbing salve from the same company. This salve contains a few more essential oils such as: capsicum(i.e. chile pepper), ginger (so very hot), cinnamon (spicy), and Menthol CRYSTALS (a notch above menthol oil). It also comes with a warning that it should be used for external use only.

Next to my side of the bed I have a little basket of things for Stine such as earplugs(don't sleep without them thank you little sisters A & W circa 1989), nose sprays, salves, valerian root tincture, a book, candle, lip goo, etc.

Well, last night I had rubbed some muscle salve on my poor aching neck, and put it in my little Stine basket of love right next to the respiratory goo - you see where this is going? A few times during the night if I can't breathe or my nose is stuffed up I rub a bit of the respiratory goo under/in/around my nose and it helps immensely. Well around 5:30 am this morning in a sleep haze I reach over to rub some "breathing" goo around my nose. It takes only 1 minute for my nasal passages to start burning with a fierceness I have never known. I had glurped up a big wad of muscle goo and smeared it generously under/in/around my nose. My brain started burning. I went into the bathroom, blew my nose, tried to wipe out what I could, but the burning only gets more intense as it penetrates the "muscles", or in this case the very permeable mucous membranes of my nasal passages. It probably would have stung less if I had actually shoved a chile pepper up my nose.

I really need to stop burning myself. Seriously.

Pretty Purple World

2008-06-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

I would just like to thank

my lovely little sis Rookie,and

Alice,

for the lovely new blog layout.

Some people are crafty.

Happy Birthday

2008-05-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

To the love of my life The Hound.

Welcome officially to the downslope towards 40.

Mwah!

I am NOT smarter than a 5th grader...

2008-05-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

Or so one would be led to believe if a certain 38-year old tried to put out an essential oil fire with her two middle fingers.

The result was this:

And this:

It all started when I was trying to make my apartment smell pretty for my small get together for the preview of So You Think You Can Dance. I have an oil burner that you can burn essential oils in and scent the house. One of my favorite combos is eucalyptus and peppermint(a nice breathing mix). Anyway, this particular oil burner had a place for one tea candle to burn. Trouble is, the smell doesn't permeate as well with only one candle. So first dumb shit move, I use three. I balance them, as I have before, neatly side by side. Up till this point this method has worked fine. Second dumb shit move, I put the oil burner on the bookshelf with hundreds of books filled with lots of flammable paper.

My guests arrive, the show is about ready to start, I look over at the oil burner on the bookshelf and the entire triumverate of candles was on fire. Not just
the wick in each candle, but the entire tea candle. I panic, walk over the bookshelf, and in dumb shit move number three, try to blow the fire out while my mouth was pointed towards the bookshelf. The flame sparked towards the books in milliseconds. I panic further and only having the thought of "get fire away from paper", reached across my body with my right hand to sweep the oil burner on the floor and away from the bookshelf. Heaven knows why I thought having the burning oil burner on the floor would be a better option, but there you go. As I reached across to grab the oil burner, my middle two fingers decided to marinate in the burning oil a bit. The flame was pretty.

I then feel a searing pain unlike many I've had, (and I've had a few searing pains) and rush towards the kitchen sink. Thank God Ly went into tackle mode as I swept the oil burner to the floor, because he tackled it to smother it. Apparently we totally bumped heads in the cross-over, but by that point, I didn't feel a thing.

I then soaked my hand in ice-water for 3 1/2 hours. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the ER that night, but I honestly didn't want to pay the fee. So I went to urgent care the next day. Because the burns were completely circumferential they sent me to a hand surgeon to make sure my circulation wasn't compromised and that they didn't have to do hand surgery.

As a massage therapist, no hand surgery is definitely a better day than hand surgery. So I am back massaging today, I did 4 massages today with big bandages on my fingers, and a rubber glove on my right hand. My client's didn't seem too concerned, which I was SO very grateful for. I'm not a fan of massage with gloves on.

After one week, my hands now look like this:

and this:

I fully believe there are no accidents, and this little bout of "slow the hell down and be appreciative" was brought to me by the letter z, the universe, and the number 9.

1988, it was a very good year

2008-04-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

Well shit in shinola, I haven't been here in a stone's age. I just looked at my profile picture, the one where I apparently am trying to transfigure as a turtle. And I thought to myself, I really AM 25, really.

See the reason I wax nostalgic about age is because this past week, I got an email about my 20th high school reunion. Now, everyone under 30, go back and read that sentence again, and realize just how long ago 20 years is. I mean it's two units of "DECADE". It's enough time to have them play songs on the radio from 20 years ago and call them "oldies".

At first I wasn't really too excited about the prospect of seeing a group of people who haven't seen me for what seems like 20 incarnations of me. I then started to recall, bit by bit, memories of the "good ol' days". Pictures found there way into my head of singing "I Hate Men!" as the lead of Kiss Me Kate my senior year. I would sing a phrase, pick up an earthen pot, and heave it towards the wings where crouching sophomores lay, trying to breathe imperceptibly. Ah back then, the power of it all.

Or there was the choir party where we were watching videos in the basement of a junior choir members house. I remember there was a bean bag, a very dark blanket, me and what I would now describe as a very Jack Black sort of dude, who was also in the choir. It's amazing we were able to be so quiet on a bean bag chair. We were very sneaky in a naive sort of way.

There was another sneaky moment involving play dough, art projects, and an ice cream spoon, but those of you that have heard this story have heard it a gaggle of times, and those that haven't don't want to.

I remember the final senior assembly. It was the last week of school, we were all packed into the auditorium, antsy, hyped, and ready to start our lives. It was 1988, and no one knew that GH Bush was the first anti-Christ yet. Tapestry, the exclusive jazz choir was slated to sing the Nylons version of Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye. Kiss Him Goodbye. By the end of the song, we had the entire audience up on their feet with their hands in the air singing with us. It was definitely one of those John Hughes 80's high school moments.

Now I know for those jocks out there, these choir and drama moments might not seem as poignant as those "score a touch-down and win state" moments, but trust me, they were just as formative. As student choir director getting to lead an entire number with the big choir in front of a full audience was brilliant. What was NOT brilliant, was as a sophomore, having my new glasses in the pocket of my nurses outfit while doing South Pacific, leaning over to flush the industrial powered toilets they had in my high school, and watching my glasses flush down the toilet with what was left of my dinner.

And then there was the time that I ran over my own foot with the car. Don't try to picture it because I'd have to be in the same room with you to fully demonstrate how that is possible. Needless to say the car ran over my foot as I was hanging on to the steering wheel. How I got into this position does not matter. The car ran me over, and promptly crashed into a van across the street. I of course, in my 17 year old naivety, thought that I could hide the fact that there was paint from another car on our car, not to mention my twice it's normal-sized swollen foot the next morning. I wake up downstairs just in time to hear my mother bellow, in that motherly bellowing you-better-pay-attention-to-me-now tone, "Christine, come UP here, NOW!". She had gotten a call from my friend's father (whose house we were at the previous night in question), as he had been visited by his neighbor, the owner of the aforementioned van across the street. Took me awhile to live down that whole debacle.

And while I did not love the gold gowns that they made the girls wear for graduation (the boys got blue), that color defined one of the best 80's moments I ever had that day. I'm sure my mother was fretting on the day I graduated from high school. And I'm sure if she knew what she knows now, she would have been fretting much much more.

So you know, my tune has changed in the past week. I'm kind of excited about going to my reunion now. In high school, I was never remotely the most popular girl around, but I had my niche. I want to go see how my niche is fairing, and hear what they have learned over the past 20 years. I want to tell people where I've been. I want to remember that young dramatic girl, who while worlds different than who I am now, helped form the through line that has woven itself throughout the last two decades of my life.

I've always liked George Carlin

2007-11-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

From George Carlin, famous comedian of the 70's and 80's who's wife recently died...

Excerpts from
A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and h ate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?

George Carlin

Hey there

2007-09-28T19:40:00.001-07:00

I'm still around. I wanted to say hello and that I haven't been in much of a "disclosure" blog space lately. I'm possibly looking for another blog address where I can say whatever I want, and perhaps leaving this blog as a PG-13 version of my life, for those who would prefer that rating.
The other reason for me being gone is that I'm hella busy with massage, craniosacral, the administrative tasks of running a business, Buddhist activities, and some physical issues I've got going on right now.

Be Well.

My Moments with Benji

2007-08-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have a confession, well actually, I have a few confessions.

First of all, I am completely enamored with Benji Schwimmer ever since I saw him win the Season 2 Finale of So You Think You Can Dance, which is simply the best reality competition on television, including my beloved American Idol. Secondly, sometimes I spend more time on my space than I'd like. Thirdly, I think I'm a closet triple threat.

Ok, maybe not so much that last one.

So one day, I'm bored, I'm looking through my space, as ya do. I find Benji's page. I find myself asking to be added as a friend, he friends me. I then find myself not so secretly putting him #4 on my friends list, le sigh. The next day, as I'm reading about his love of the dance, the book Clifford the Big Red Dog, and his church, I find myself directed to his blog. I begin reading. I immediately feel guilty, saying to myself things like, "Stine, you know that if Jose knew, he would not let you live it down"AND, "you know Ly will just look at you, smile that sly Cheshire Cat smile and do the I'm-glad-she's-a-goofy-chick-has-sex-like-a-linebacker-cuz-she's-a-friggin-geek look." I read on.

You see, Benji is a Mormon. When I found this out as I watched him run away with last season, I felt a latent kinship to him. I felt as though he were "my people". Even though I am now a Nichiren Buddhist, there is a part of me that will always consider people in the LDS church, "my people". But back to Benji. I read through a post on his blog called "Human, part 1" in which he rallys support for his sister, Lacey, who is currently in the running to win the Season 3 finale of SYTYCD. In this post, he also rails against onliners who have thrown insults at him and his family because of "supposed" favoritism of Lacey due to his Season 2 win. And as if to cement the idea of how much he and I have in common, I read this referencing one of his likes, "adding sauce to every description of something really good or bad like "that's lame....SAUCE" or " totally coolsauce!" The boy loves SAUCE! I LOVE sauce! Can you believe it? Jesus! Ok wait a minute, he comes later.

See, Mormons like sauce; ketchup and mayo mixed together, honey mustard dressing, jello and whipped cream, gravy. If it's runny and creamy, we LOVE it! I love it! I must have sauce on pretty much everything. But I digress.

I then start to read Benji's blog entry "Human, part 2 (change and growth)". Awe, check out the title. Seriously man, the dude is working on his shit. I think it's the sweetest thing I've ever heard as I read on. He starts off typing the lyrics of Run to You-lyrics on www.metrolyrics.com. Now I don't know if that means "metrosexual" or not, but again I digress. He then types
these phrases:

"wow benji...you look different"
"im very disappointed in you" "you're changing"
"we used to really love you"
"hollywood, and the world have gotten to you"
"bring back the old benji"
"it's sad to see you're giving in"

The Mormons, and hard core religious folks are TOTALLY giving him shit, talking about how he's sold out, he's given in to they ways of the world. He's gotten shit about wearing "fake" earrings, about dying his hair blonde, having 5 o'clock shadow, and not behaving in an appropriate manner befitting someone who is supposed to be an example to children.

I then think, ok, these are all BIG generalized societal indicators that Benji may be of a more liquid sexuality than some of his critics, but leave the poor kid alone. His hips can shake mountains around you. Benji went on a Mormon mission, talked in his blog about loving his Saviour, wanting to set a good example for kids today, has a charity that HE started to take dance to children around the world. I mean seriously people, what else does this guy have to do to get the gold Celestial star?

Apparently others accused him of looking strung out and drugged up. I wonder if they know what sadists dancers are regarding their schedules and bodies. He toured the country, did classes in China, taught in Norway, and did the talk-show circuit. The boy probably had jet-lag. And ya know, if they think Benji looks strung out and drugged up, they obviously haven't met any 20-something actors.

I felt myself wanting to bundle him up in a soft down blankee, bolster that beautiful body that can move like the wind, and sing him a lullaby.

Instead, I posted a comment on his blog. Yes, I even ranked and gave the full 2 kudos to his post. I told him that the Saviour had blessed him with CRAZY talent, and that he is fulfilling his destiny. I am hooked. I feel like his presence, if only virtual, completes me.

I don't care if my boy is Mormon, gay, blonde, brunette, pierced, tattooed, or what, he can slide 10 feet across a dance floor in one move. He can pirouette to make my soul sing, he can swing his partner, around, and around, and around. And he is sharing that talent with the world and can move like no one can. I love me my Benji, and I have finally decided, I don't care who knows it.

New Tattoo (testing)

2007-08-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

Pictured Here

Help with Tattoo? Thoughts?

2007-08-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

Happy Leos

2007-08-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to Missuz J today. And the happiest of birthday to my only younger sister who does not have a blog, yet - Missuz A in HI.

My world is flush with lions. I know Sophie's birthday is in August, as is daddy's. My friend in Oregon's birthday is coming up soon. My sister of chaos has a birthday the end of this month, as do her children. Ly's brother is a lion, as I think one of his children is.

And my rising sign in Leo. So many lions, so little time. So give a little roar to the favorite lion in your life.

You can lead a horse to water

2007-07-28T16:07:00.000-07:00

but you can't make him drink. Or so the saying goes. I'm having a bit of a quandry about a handful of recent clients that I've seen on my table. They all have varying degrees of aches, pains, symptoms, lifestyle issues in which they aren't able to do the things they enjoy because of any of the above. I ask them if they have played with any of the strength exercises I've suggested, or if they've been adjusted lately, if they drank water after their last massage, if they've done any stretching, if they've taken steps to fix the computer work station that increases their pain, if they've decreased their sugar intake (which when injested into a body that has any inflammation, is like pouring gasoline on a fire), and the answer to all these questions is no.

It's not that I don't understand not taking the time to do these things, and it's not like I haven't been very lax in the past about taking care of my own body's aches and pains. But for the past few years I've made different choices, and it's shown results and helped decrease symptoms as my lifestyle has changed. I think, in the end, it's a matter of me being a cock-eyed optimist. I see so much potential in so many people I work with. I see ability, strength, movement, and capability in their bodies, I hear it in their speech, and I want to empower them to create more of that in their lives. That's what it ultimately comes down to. I'm still working on my delivery, because sometimes I can be a big annoying Seattle bodywork hippy, but I want these people around for years to come, and some of them won't be if they don't make some changes.

Insert transition phrase here (little sister, you could help me with one of these). I seriously sit here and type and think of my English teacher little sister, my English teacher friend in Cedar City, my English major critic hubby, and well, I feel grammatically lacking. I seriously want to go back to 3rd grade, and cover basic grammar, and fractions. I feel like I was really sick those weeks during grade school.

Ly and I saw the Simpsons movie this weekend. I woke up about 3 times last night singing the choral version of Spider Pig - imagine Ly's surprise. Of course I may have only been singing it in my mind, but it makes for much better telling if I'm singing it as I sit up to pee, n'est-ce-pas? I can't get it out of my mind. For anyone with the inclination and time, I highly recommend the movie. There's a reason that they've been going for 18 seasons now.

I'm also getting a new tattoo. One of my clients has a friend who comes into town for a few weeks, and my client rounds up a bunch of tattoo clients for her. So I'm getting a tattoo on my sacrum. I figured it would be a nice balance to the ones on my feet. So this is a rough idea of what it will look like. The skull part will be much cooler, and there will be no words on it, of course. I've been learning a lot about how the pelvis and the jaw/head have a lot in common. For example, to help release my hips, and some muscles there, my acupuncturist will put needles in my jaw. The temporal bones in the head mirror the movement of the ilium(hip bones) almost directly. And well, most of my medical past has had to do with one or the other of these two areas. I just felt really drawn to this picture.

Like I said, it will be much more proportional, it will have a cooler face in the skull, and there won't be any words on it.

So after seeing the latest Harry Potter flick(I haven't read ANY of the books yet - I know, I know), I have decided that it is time for Ly and I to bite the bullet and get the books. I need to know what all the hype is about. I need to be swept up in the love and fury of the fandom. I have enjoyed the movies, I have become invested in the characters, but I need to know the intricacies of the storyline now. The movies can't do justice to those threads that can only be tied together with clever storytelling. I will say that the movie made me feel like a bad, bad man. I mean what is the male equivalent to "Lolita", because I was SO feeling it watching that latest movie. He IS legal now.

Insert another pithy transition here:

And it closing, my lovely little Beige man sent me this, and it pretty much sums up how I see the world:

SICKO anyone?

2007-07-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

Possible liberal rant ahead, proceed with caution.

First, read this.
Salon's SICKO review

Lyam and I saw Michael Moore's movie recently. (Some minor spoilers contained - but you should still see the movie). And for those conservative family members to whom the name Micheal Moore compares to Lucifer, I dare you too see this movie. And having experienced the best and worst of the "health care" industry from both sides of the fence; patient and provider as opposed to liberal and conservative, it is clear to me that people are unnecessarily dying in this country due to a health care system that is deeply flawed.

As I mentioned in a previous post, our country is 37th in the world in the taking care of the health of it's people. We rank right about Slovenia. How is it possible that a country with some of the best technology, the best advances in medical equipment, the best scientific minds can rank 37th in the world in the health care of it's citizens? When a mother has a 4-year old daughter with a 104 degree fever, is told as she gets to the ER in an ambulance, that her HMO won't cover care unless it's at one of their hospitals. So being a conscientious mother, she gets in her car, drives to the HMO hospital, and as she gets out of the car her daughter starts to have a seizure. Within minutes, she watches her 4-year old daughter have a cardiac arrest and pass away in front of her. When rescue workers from 9/11, who didn't work for the city of New York and therefore didn't have health coverage, and that volunteered their time, are denied care for their respiratory conditions because no one will insure them, something in the system is flawed.

When these rescue workers can receive care in Cuba, as they did in the movie, and be charged a few US dollars for an asthma inhaler, as compared to $125 for the same inhaler in the states, the system is flawed. I have personal experience with this last inhaler issue. One of the inhalers that I'm "supposed" to be on cost me $125 a shot when I had a "health care" policy that didn't cover prescriptions.

The French have a manditory, 5 week vacation policy. They are instructed to take one week off for their honeymoon. ?????????

Does. Not. Compute. USA, does, not compute.

We take the best technology of the world, the best scientific knowledge, the best medical innovation, and we make it better. For those of you who think that a socialized health care system won't work, why are we in the United States SO intelligent that we can improve on most anything anyone around the world can create or conceive of, but our own citizens are dying in droves due to lack of health care coverage.

In the movie they show the original teletape of Nixon talking to his advisers as they had a discussion about what would eventually become Kaiser Permanente. This was the genesis of the road to health care for profit. The health care we know now is a numbers game. If the numbers are too high, if the odds don't stack up in our favor, we can cancel your policy. There are so many stories of people getting a life-threatening illness: cancer, brain tumor, heart attack, stroke, and having their insurance policies immediately canceled in the middle of what can oftentimes be painful follow-up procedures. There are people who go back over insurance applications looking for minute details that may have been omitted, prescriptions that weren't listed, doctors visits for the common cold that weren't listed, as reasons to cancel the policy.

Ultimately this movie is an anti-lobbyist movie. It's no secret that the drug, insurance and oil companies are running this country into the ground. The big brass in Washington that received hefty pay-offs for staying silent about a National health care system is staggering. The movie lists specific amounts, and persons that were paid off. And lest ye think I'm too big a ranting lefty, Hilary was paid a nice sum for her silence on pushing through a National Health Care system. She caved even though it was one of her pet issues in the beginning. I tell ya, that Illinois bruddah is looking better and better for '08.

The last point I wish to make about this movie, is the point I think Michael Moore made best, and that is "Live together, die alone." We have become so isolated from each other, in body, mind, and spirit. We are addicted to labels, myself included (She's rich, he's poor, she's a lefty whack job, he's an uptight conservative, she's Christian, he's Buddhist, she's gay, he's straight, she's Mexican, he's an Irish drunk who's family has lived here for 150 years). People in other countries do not understand why we don't see our fellow humans as our responsibility. So just be careful when you label something worthy or not of insert noun of choice here.

/end rant

In daily news, Ly and Stine will be headed to Whiskey Beach for our anniversary in August. We found a nice little "mobile park" that rents cabins that are hooked up with cable and pots and pans in the kitchen. So all we have to bring is bedding, and food. And it's way cheap.

For the first time in seriously, 20 years, I bought one size smaller in pants. My God I felt like I was 18 again. So the ass is getting a little more sproing, in all the good ways. Been working lots, but spending a nice amount of time in our pool, which thank God we have. I have official become a weather weenie living in Seattle. I mean back in Utah, we'd have 110 degree August days that would melt your face off, and since living in Seattle, I can only handle a variance of about 50 to 85 degrees. That is where I'm happiest.

Been doing a crazy amount of cranial sessions. I'm getting some wacky results. I LOVE playing with this, and taking journey's through people's bodies, including my own. And speaking of bodies, I'm getting another tattoo. It's going to be of a pelvis with a skull in the middle of it. It's not going to be a "I'm a gun-slinging-granny-Harley-kick-your-ass" type of skull, it's going to be very anatomical with a little touch of goth. The parallels between the skull and the pelvis in construction, function, and application, are astounding. So I'm getting that on my sacrum August 6th.

Well, speaking of SICKO, I must go get an allergy shot. Hopefully it will be covered.

:)

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

2007-06-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

that is the question...

So I've been having a bout of insomnia as of late. I think it's been brought on by a number of things all culminating at once. It started about a month and a half ago when I went to my 2nd cranialsacral weekend class. At that time I also switched from a brand name thyroid medication to one that my new insurance would cover. I also started working out 4 to 6 times a week for less time each day. Whereas before, I had been working out about 2 times a week for about an hour and a half.

The cranial class is kicking my ass, in a good way, and also in a kicking my ass intense way. After the last module, it took me 4 days to feel normal. I felt off, like someone had messed around with the furniture in my head and body, and the inner feng shui was all off. After this last module, in which we learned to work many of the facial and jaw bones, I felt great. A week after the last class, I received a session from my instructor, who I would like to one day be. My body was working on unwinding patterns from when I broke my neck. My entire right side is compressed, energetically, and fascially. She also worked a lot with my sphenoid bone, which was also compressed on the right. And for those of you following along with the cliff notes, the pituitary gland sits in the middle of this bone.

Cut to yesterday, I get a call from my doctor's office. I had recently gone in to get some more blood work to check my tsh(thyroid stimulating hormone) levels. I hadn't had them checked since my last thyroid surgery in January 2006. I call them back this morning. And it turns out my thyroid levels are too high. I've been on the same dose of thyroid med for about 10 years now. They told me to stop taking a pill on Sundays, and that my tsh levels would level out to where they should be.

Would explain the insomnia a bit, yes? Also, how did a hormone level that had remained constant for almost ten years, become too high? Why now?

I personally think it's because of whole food supplementation, increased workouts, cranialsacral therapy, liver detoxes, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic adjustments, and chanting. Honestly, it's just really nice feedback that the things I have been doing are changing my physiology. I wanna help people be able to do that.

In other news, Ly and I have seen 3 music shows in less than one month. It's amazing what having a critic husband can do for our music exploits. I think it may turn out like we see movies, one day it's his turn to pick, the next day it's my turn to pick. I did see his beloved Sleepy Time Gorilla Museum with him on his birthday. They were very theatrical, very intelligently put together, very good musicians, and scary as hell. I liked a few of the numbers. But then Sky Cries Mary was in town with a new album out, and I had to put my foot down. I got my coy pout face on, the big round hopeful eyes, and said, "dooooood, it's music I want to see, we MUST get tickets. He so very graciously complied (I love it when that happens). And last night we saw Antibalas and danced until I felt a bit faint. I see great music in our future.

PS - To my sisters, I'm glad you both now have blogs.

Happy Birthday

2007-05-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

To my darling boy. You really are the wind beneath my wings, but I will spare you the virtual rendition of said song, as I know you hate the song. I will sing something for you tonight at the restaurant, and it will be funny, and it will embarrass you.

The Good, The Bad, and let's all come clean

2007-05-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

So as you may have noticed, I've been a bit blog shy lately. I thought long and hard as to whether I was going to get back on here and tell everyone why, as some people may be "offended". By some people, I mean one family member in particular. But as I have learned, this family member is going to be "offended", "put off", and "made uncomfortable" by many aspects of my life, no matter what I do.

That said, fuck it, after 37 long damn years, I'm tired of apologizing, making excuses, or generally hiding any aspect of myself from my family. I love my family very much, they have taught me so much - including the above mentioned "offended" family member. But all of my family must note, if you don't want to know about me, including ALL aspects of me, please don't read further. And also, to any family member who may be reading this, if you are really curious as to me, my life, or how I REALLY feel about things, please do something novel and pick up a phone and call me.

So what happened is this: I sent out an email to a few friends and family members with the link to my Creating Wellness post. Many family members had not seen my blog yet. One family member, I'll call them "D" for short, sent me back an email talking first about the Wellness post, and making some really good and interesting comments about health, nutrition, and general wellness. D then proceeded to tell me he was disappointed with some of the things that were on my blog profile page. The things on my profile page that were of concern were under my interests, namely: exmormons, bisexuality, and medical marijuana. I proceeded to read the long paragraph about how D still loved me, but did not understand how these things related to massage, or why I felt the need to display them to the world, etc. etc. etc. There was more to the email, but that was the general tone of things.

So I wait a few days to respond, because there were things I wanted to say that were best left in my head. I finally email D back and basically state that first, this is not a massage blog, this is a blog about ME, MY life, and all things ME. Secondly, I see no logic, peace, or integrity in hiding any aspect of myself. I invited D to consider that those "things" that presented problems, were things that D would have to reconcile within D. I told D that the me that exists currently is most likely a very different person than the one created in D's mind. I ended by saying that I longed for the day that these issues wouldn't even be something that needed to be discussed.

So since this all took place about a month and a half ago, I have received email forwards from D about right-wing politics, God in schools, how the Ford company is evil because they support a homosexual agenda in their advertising on TV. I have NOT received any emails that contain any personal communication of any kind. I am left to wonder what goes on in D's mind. I long to be able to sit with D and discuss our viewpoints of life, religion, culture, and the things that are important in my life like: health, bodywork, what I am learning studying Buddhism, craniosacral therapy, acting, and singing. I don't know when or if that will ever happen, but I have been chanting about it, putting that energy out there, and trying, within myself, to create a space in which D can feel comfortable with my life and my presence. However, there is only so much I can do, there comes a time when one has to surrender to what is. I just hope that what "is", is enough with which to have a relationship.

So that's the scoop on all that. In other news, my craniosacral certification is kicking my ass. It's WONDERFUL! And it's much harder to receive than I had anticipated. After my last weekend module, it took me and my body 4 days to recover, and I still haven't quite recovered. Even though it is a very gentle paradigm, it has the ability to access deep, old, and very locked somatic patterns in the body. These patterns can be more manifest in anyone who has experienced any type of trauma. So after this last module, I felt as though I were swimming in a vat of 20 years of car-wrecks, surgeries, injuries, and emotional turmoil. I have had insomnia since this last module, and my anxiety levels have increased a bit. Much of that is being worked out with my chanting, and receiving some acupuncture during this process, but it's still something I struggle with currently. I knew what I was signing on for, and I knew that craniosacral would be the avenue in which to explore these things in my body, but damn it's intense as shit. The more I learn about it, the more powerful I'm finding it is. One should go into craniosacral therapy with the full understanding of what it has the potential to access. But just as these things are being stirred up in my body, I'm also finding many of these things being able to be released and transformed, so that makes me very happy.

Now that the intense stuff is out of the way, I have to say that I'm excited about this weekend, we're going to see Sleepy Time Gorilla Museum tonight. I'm a little apprehensive, as their music is SO much more Ly than me, but despite what my hubby may think, I'm very interested to see the theatrical aspects of this group. We then are having people over tomorrow during the day for a early brunch birthday celebration for Ly. He will be turning 35 on Wednesday (sorry dude, totally outed you). I'm cooking my biscuits and gravy, Ly's making breakfast pizza, we're hooking up the bloody mary's and the mimosas, and we're gonna have a good time.

Ok damn, that all just made me feel like I've been through a big therapy session. Now it's time for me to go do some therapy on my client. Thanks for listening.

Note to my family: I love you all very much. Thank you for being in my life and teaching me about love, relationships, and how to be in the world.

Hello World

2007-04-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

I finished a big long post last week, and blogger ate it. But I figured I'd recreate a bit of it, plus add some new things. I've been a bit blogger shy since mailing out a link to my last post to a bunch of people including family, and getting various reactions from family members. Most loved the post. A small percentage loved the post, but had a few problems with my blogger profile page. More specifically, they had a problem with some of my listed interests. There are more details, but they are immaterial really. My interests are a part of me, and they will either read my blog, or they won’t. And that is all she wrote.

So, my question, for the last few weeks has been: Who took the rule out of the drivers handbook about 4 way stops and multiple people get there at the same time? The person on the right goes? Yes? Anyone? Anyone?

And who, told at least 3/4 of the driving population that they should not under any circumstances, signal before turning right or left. In fact, it is even better, if you don't even slow down much before veering into the aforementioned turn.

And someone, I don't know who, has been giving crystal meth to the blue hairs. But I've had at least two grannies in the last 2 weeks totally CUT ME OFF at the pass and barely missed nicking my car while vying for a parking spot at the damn grocery store. I mean shitballs these bitches were hard core.

People have been INSANE on the roads the past two weeks. And yes, I'm SURE there's a small window for projection, but seriously folks, what gives?

Ok, now that's out. Whew, feel better.

I started my cranial sacral certification. And it is gud...it is so gu...ud! Most loving it. Of course it totally is showing me how much there is to learn. I could learn this stuff for the rest of my life, and still only barely begin to have a clue. The class, and I've only had 1 module(there are 9 more), has given words to things I've already felt in the body, and with the words, it's more easy to perceive those things.

Except there is one thing I'd love to talk about, it's the idea of creating fulcrums. As a practitioner, you ground yourself by visualizing your breath/energy/whatever going into the ground below your sacrum. Then, you visualize a line of breath/energy/whatever coming out of the back of your head, just below your occiput(or the little bump on the back of your head). This energy extends out behind you at a 45 degree angle, and anchors you into the ground behind you.

I have found this later fulcrum to be very valuable in my work the past week. You can also imagine your attention moving backwards, away from the client, as you do this. You and the client negotiate an "attention space" that feels comfortable to you both. It adds a whole new level of softness and depth to the moments you remember to do it. It's an interesting exercise to actually try and be aware of, and feel your back body. It has made me realize how much I'm always pushing forward, trying to get to the next moment, instead of chilling, taking a damn breath, and letting it come to me.

Funny me bitching about drivers, n'est-ce-pas?

Total non sequitur, for you parents out there, I'm curious how many of you employ behaviorism in raising your children? If you do use behaviorism, I'd be curious to hear how you use it, at what times, with what results. I'm interested what kinds of disciplinary measures you use, and what kinds of results you see.

For the non-parents, as I am VERY interested in your feedback as well (and am really tired of having my opinion discounted in all things child related because I am a non-parent), do any of you have nieces nephews? What about children you babysit? Do any of you employ behaviorism with these children, and if so, to what success, or failure? What about if the child has a serious medical condition? Would that change any answers to the above questions?

More to come.

Creating Wellness in New Jersey

2007-03-06T09:00:00.001-08:00

I went to New Jersey this weekend for a Creating Wellness training and seminar. What is Creating Wellness you ask. That's a really good question. You can get a good idea here.

And for those of you who don't like clicking links (although you'd get a much better idea of what it is), it's a system of objectively measuring stress on your nervous system, and therefore health, in three areas: psychological(how you think), biochemical(what you eat/drink), and physical(how you move). The system measures such things as: heart rate variability(which is the biggest indication of a nervous system heading towards disease), range of motion, skin conductivity, EMG, heart rate, weight, body mass index, cognitive stressors, lung capacity, and many other things. All these measures are then combined to give you one number that is labeled your "wellness quotient"

There are coaches that coach clients weekly on achieving goals the client sets at the beginning of the program. The program involves exercise, psychological/mental health suggestions/advice(by way of weekly CDs tailored to each individual), and nutritional support/meal planning/food journaling sorts of things. This only barely touches on what is involved in this program, but for the sake of brevity, I'll leave it at that.

What I also wanted to touch upon is the STAGGERING statistics I learned over the weekend about the "health care" (heretofore labeled HC) industry. Did you know that 2.2 trillion dollars went into the HC industry last year. 15% of the gross domestic product went to HC. And this was the most fascinating to me, 50%, or 1/2 of ALL bankruptcies are due to a major health crisis. $1 in every $6 US dollars goes towards health care.

And what about insurance? Insurance involves risk. 60% of all insurance payments are prepaid doctor's visits. Our premiums go up based on use. This in and of itself is a prepaid benefit. As I mentioned, insurance involves risk, and currently, the insurance companies aren't taking any. What we have now is NOT insurance. More companies are moving towards health spending accounts, catastrophic insurance policies, and wellness care for their employees. Hospitals are using this Creating Wellness system to take care of their employees so they don't have to pay higher premiums. How ironic is that?

The fact of the matter is, is that insurance is going away. It's not a matter of if, but when. Premiums are going up, benefits are going down, doctor's are still getting sued. I believe, it is why there is a large trend towards Wellness care. The "Wellness" industry is booming. Seems to me we've been putting the cart before the horse for so long now. Try for a second to think about where the United States ranks as far as health care quality and taking care of it's people? 5th? 7th? Not anything lower than 15th, surely?

37th!

As a health care provider, I'd rather have hundreds of clients seeing me less frequently and paying cash, than more frequently and using insurance. We've created a very unhealthy reciprocal relationship between our treatment and our "sickness". Lest ye think I'm too much a ranting Seattle hippy, the HC industry is vitally important is keeping people alive, but it IS sick care, and not health care. As a massage therapist, what happens when the pain is gone? I end up being a fix, people don't change their habits, and no one learns, becomes healthy or thrives in the long run. The only thing between where you are and where you want to be is your habits - or so they told me. Made me think a tiny little bit. So many clients come into be and say I just wanna feel goooood. Would you rather be healthy, liver longer, and thrive, or just "feel good"?

So what is "wellness"? It's the principle of engaging the world. It's the degree to which and individual experiences health and vitality in any dimension of life. The nervous system is bodies central processing system. When you don't have a cps that functions correctly, you get fractionated information to the system. The body can't function well with nerve interference. Nerve interference leads to subluxation of the vertebrae, and the cycle starts all over again. When you are subluxated, your body does not process information correctly. This is true in all three areas: psychological, biochemical, and physical.

They did a test with people and ask them to move their ankles while administering an MRI to scan their brains. The first scan showed activity in many of the motor areas of the brain. They then gave these people chiropractic adjustments, had the move their ankles again, administered an MRI, and it took 1/20th the energy to complete the same task. Just think how much energy we didn't have to be expending.

Wellness is a continuum and a process. It's not I'm better now, so I can stop the behaviors that make me feel well. The 2nd law of thermodynamics says that all things head towards entrophy(breaking down). This is why working towards wellness is a life long process. It is absolutely natural and right for the body to thrive, and be well. Just surviving, is not natural. Wellness is an active process that is all about action. Inactivity and indecision leads to a drift to the left of the continuum(towards death and entrophy). A wellness quotient below 75 indicates that you are aging faster than the norm. Wellness reflects a state of inner and outer harmony. Inner order is governed by the nervous system, and outer order is a product of informed choice and behavior, and both inner and outer order are affected by stress. But it's got to be a matter of changing thinking patterns about disease, sickness and pain. Words are things, they are energy, and instead of saying "rehabilitation" say "rehabituation". We should be "changing habits" instead of "changing symptoms". It's about "release" as opposed to "relief". They told me that where I am and where I want to be is only separated by behavior. Bastards!

Disease is the absence of something essential, as opposed to the presence of something evil. Anything you hate, owns you.

The obvious gene issue comes up in my mind. Surely many of my maladies are related to heredity and my DNA. And I found out that less than 5% of all disease is actually due to heredity. A gene, mutant or not, is either on or off. And lifestyle stressors affect the expression of the on or off in a gene.

Suffice it to say, I learned a lot. So I am in the process of training to be a Creating Wellness coach. I am also looking into the possibility of learning some things about chiropractic assisting. I start my cranial sacral certification in April (which I'm totally jazzed about). This weekend was a really good reminder of why I'm on this earth. I wanna be a catalyst for change in people's lives. I want to show people their inherent ability, and right to heal themselves. Anything's possible people.

Thanks for listening.

Kitty Gives a Massage

2007-03-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

Lyam sent me this link today...and oh. my. gosh.

I'll take care of you

Liver Cleanse - Recap

2007-02-21T11:49:00.000-08:00

Well I'm done with the cleanse now. Ly and I went to Wild Ginger for my first meal of the rest of my life. My God it was the tastiest thing I think I've ever eaten. We had fresh spring rolls with this spicy fish sauce, and pineapple sauce. We then had sea bass lettuce wraps - which were to. die. We finished that off with some mango pork. I had a bit of the pork, but I was feeling really full by that point. It was weird though, I could actually taste the oil in the fresh spring roll wrapper. We then went to the store to stock up on more fresh veggies, but this time, I picked me up some roasted red pepper hummus, and added some damn snow peas. I thought it was Christmas.

The practical things I've learned since being off the cleanse are: cheese gives me that histamine mouth thing like I get when I eat nuts. Different cheeses do that to different extents. Goat cheese, no big, Mozzarella ain't so bad, a piece of
havarti, then mild cheddar, and then Irish sharp cheddar when I got home, that combo woke me up at like 4:30, and I didn't get back to sleep the rest of the night, I had a headache, my tummy was growly, and it did me w.r.o.n.g. I am in mourning for my beloved cheese. To answer your question, yes, I AM going to still eat cheese, but I really wanna cut down, because I know my body functions better without it. One cup of white tea yesterday morning made me feel like I was 20 again, snorting phat lines of pure uncut white gold up the ol' schnoz, and hanging off the roof at Roosevelt University in Chicago (a story for another time).

I have lost approximately 7 pounds, about 3 belt notches, various inches; most notably on my arms, thighs, and ass. My skin is softer, and while not blemished to begin with, much more clear than when I began. Other than the disrupted cheese sleep, I sleep much better than I did before the cleanse, and get more bang for my sleep dollar, if you will. The sharpness of the pain in some of my main joints, including my neck, has diminished. My tummy is far less acid'y than before, my moods feel more stabilized, and I have much more energy than I did when I began. When I am awake, I'm awake, and I don't feel that muscle pull towards bed.

On the intangible level, I have learned that I actually DO have will power. I have also learned a bit about my relationship to food, and how & why I put it in my body(no cucumber jokes please). I have also learned that I can make, and keep a promise to myself.

I would recommend this or any other liver cleanse to anyone, WITH the caveat, that it should be attempted with the direct supervision of a health care provider of some sort. If you choose to do it, know your body's limits, do your research, and create something that will work with you, and your life.

Food Journal 3 - My cheatin' mouth

2007-02-17T11:22:00.000-08:00

So I figured I better assess what foods I've cheated on in the last few weeks of this liver cleanse. I've been mostly, very good. The things I've cheated with are:

- approximately 4 slices of that tasty damn beef log
- exactly one tortilla chip with some insanely salty veggie dip
- 2 pieces of meat from the hubby's hot pockets (2 separate occasions)
- 2 packages of crab meat (this one is debatable as some think this IS a lean meat, and some do not - including the chiropractor that put me on this liver cleanse)
- 2 kernals (yes, exactly two) of popcorn at the movie

Other than the above, I ain't had shit man. I have had no cheese, no dairy of any kind, no overt sugar(other than fruit), and no alcohol. So ya know, I feel pretty good about it. That said...

I AM READY TO BE DONE WITH THIS N.O.W.

I will be done as of 5pm this coming Monday. Ly and I will be going out to dinner. Methinks the Wild Ginger would be a good introduction back into normal food.

Liver Cleanse: Day 19 (2 more to go)

Food Journal 2 - The Cookie Mirage

2007-02-09T12:42:00.000-08:00

I need to start by saying that sugar has never really been my thang. However, I do have my moments, and one came upon me last night.

I was sitting in the living room, doing some late night stretches as the boy and I lounged watching a Netflix. I looked into the soft glow of the kitchen, and there on the counter, was a shimmering plastic container full of round, full, bulbous cookies. I blinked for a second, because I knew I wouldn't buy cookies being on this liver cleanse. I open my eyes, I look at the container a second time, and powdered sugar seemed to appear on the tops of them muthafuckas instantaneously.

So now I'm thinking that they're some soft-baked-gingersnappy-spices-cinnamony goodness, and my mouth starts to gush waters of delight. I look at Lyam, who is watching the flick, oblivious, turn back to the cookies, and shit and behold the friggin cookies were cherry tomatoes. My gut ached with the unfairness of it all, but I sucked it up, and then sucked up 3 of my tomato "cookies".

pause for moment of silence for Stine

In other news, I have an appointment Monday with a potential biller, who I have heard raves about. Please let the gods in heaven hook me up with this chick.

I think Ly and I are going to go out to Discovery Park this Sunday, take a walk, and perhaps pack a little picnic of green onions, red cabbage, and brussel sprouts. Pity Me.

Anybody who's around is welcome to come, give a call.

Liver Cleanse: Day 11, 10 more to go

Food Journal - Beefy Salty Nuggets

2007-02-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Food Diary,

Last evening I had a freakout to beat all freakouts. The boy and I were catching up on some downloaded BSG. We went in the kitchen for a snack, I turn around, and the little bitch was carving up some peppered beef steak. My stomach jumped into my throat, I couldn't breathe, I felt like he was cutting my heart out. I wanted that meaty, salty nugget more than life itself. I felt like I was losing my mind...no seriously. I started to have a panic attack of the first order. I felt my heartbeat quicken, the knot in my solar plexus grew, and I started jumping up and down from the sheer torture of it all. I lurched towards my beef chopping husband, grabbed his shirt, screaming for him to bring me a nacho tray full of beef nuggets, nacho cheese, and a big glass of rice milk. In my food fantasy, I was gonna use those beef nuggets as chips. I shiver now in the mere retelling.

I continued to jump around the living room, panicking, trying to keep my head from exploding off my body from want of meat, cheese, and salt. It was really frackin weird y'all. Freaked Ly out a bit. But alas, I made it through the rain, didn't have any meat or cheese. I went to the fridge, and pulled out my concoction of brown rice, tomatoes, red onions, and flayed baked salmon. The crisis was averted, but shit man, it was close there for a bit.

Liver Cleanse: Day 5 (16 more to go)

Scrub the Liver & Play with Mandy

2007-01-23T10:04:00.000-08:00

So I'm doing a liver cleanse starting on Monday night after Mandy leaves. Ms. Krause will be visiting our neck of the woods this weekend, and I'm tickled purple about it.

I pick Mandy up from the airport tomorrow at noon. We're then going to go to the Always Chiropractic where she will fill out paperwork, get scanned, and most likely get an adjustment. I'm also giving her a massage tomorrow. Saturday we're heading to Olympus spa for a day of relaxation, naked splendor, and one of the hard core body scrubs. I never knew that labia (is the plural labii?) could be scrubbed. We're then going to see Lyam's show. And if you haven't seen it yet, you can read one review Here, and bug Ly for any other review links. Then Sunday we're going to play, and perhaps go see Pan's Labyrinth. Somewhere in there, we're probably going to go see the BODIES exhibit again. It will be peachy.

As to this liver cleanse. It will be for 3 weeks starting the moment Amanda gets on the plane back home. I will be able to eat, protein shakes, some various herbs, as many of these veggies as I want (collard greens, dandelion greens, mixed greens, mustard greens, red, yellow, and green peppers, onions, mushrooms, spinach carrots, cucumbers, celery, radishes, kale, broccoli, swiss chard, brussels sprouts, asparagus, cabbage, artichokes, red beets), and 1/2 as many of these fruits (apples, oranges, bananas, grapes, berries, melons, tomatoes). I can also add in 2 cups of organic brown rice a day, 1 or 2 organic eggs, and/or 1 to 2 3 ounce portions of lean organic chicken or fish. I will also be drinking a shitload of water, and stepping up my exercising.

In preparation for this, so my body doesn't go into total shock, I've already eliminated sugar, dairy, bread, alcohol, most caffeine, and a lot of salt. I will most likely cheat, a little bit, while Mandy is here, but I still want it to be a fairly smooth transition into eating NOTHING that satisfies me. But I will tell you, I already feel a ton different just eliminating the above things over the past two weeks. I mean can we talk poop here? I pooped like 6 times yesterday. I don't know the last time I pooped 6 times in a day. I will say though, I've taken to turning off the sound for those late night Taco Bell commercials with all the MEAT and CHEESE in them. In the last few days, I have had moments of wanting a cheeseburger so bad I can feel my teeth swim. And if you had asked me at the time, I would have been fairly sure I could commit bodily harm to someone to get a cheeseburger.

It's gonna be good though. I'm excited to see what my body feels like all squeeky clean. I'm excited to have more energy, to figure out and feel what baseline is in my body. I found out the other day that the stomach contains more receptors for emotion than the brain does. I think that's fascinating. And also, by slowing integrating food back into my life after this is over, I can tell what things I may or may not be allergic to. I fear one of them may be dairy. I don't drink cow's milk, and I do very little butter. My big weakness: CHEESE. It's quite simply, the most tasty food on the planet, other than lobster.

My hiaku to cheese:

Cheese is so tasty
But it makes me feel pasty
I won't be hasty

(I know they aren't necessarily supposed to rhyme, but ah well.)

Burgers, cheesey chips, and ketchup, oh my, burgers, cheesey chips, and ketchup, oh my...burgers...cheesey...ch...oh....no....

WAX is not your friend

2007-01-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

My father just sent me this story via email, which explains, a lot.

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner,

play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing
kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise:
the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and
you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
kicks in >so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold >wax,"yeah...right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
bad. I can do this!

air removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship.
I drop my underwear and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini
line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to

the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale
deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP!!!

Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!

Everything is swirly and spotted.

I think may pass out...must stay conscious..

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe...

OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
touching wax. CRAP!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still
Propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!!
I hear the slamming of a cell door. "hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to
Do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water >melts wax!!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can
gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom
of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't
melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-
epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation
starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of
the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
who- ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax
off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do
I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
My grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now thats funny

Notttttttttt!!!!!!!!

My Precious...

2006-12-20T17:43:00.000-08:00

There's now one of these parked outside my apartment with papers inside that say it's mine.

Her license # contained "tbo" in honor of "The Beige One".

However, Ly and I are trying to come up with other names, please feel free to give more ideas:

the blue one
the blue oracle
the buddhist one
the blue ohm

(and now so I can stop sounding like a really lame guy trying to name his penis...)

I must go do my billing so we can pay for all of it.

And then came Vagittarians

2006-12-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

What's a Vagittarian you may ask? Well, it's one of 3 Sagittarian women born on December 11th. When I became a part of Open Circle Theater company, WAY back in the day, 2 other women were in the company that shared my birthday. Up until that point, I had never met anyone who shared my birthday, and now, I seem to know, like 20 people. As to why we chose the word "Vagittarians", well, anyone who knows me won't have any questions, those who don't, it's not hard to do the math. Anyway, we kind of formed a Charlie's Angels meets a white girls Destiny's Child sort of thing - but in a cool Seattle fringe theater'y sort of way(if that's possible). We started having big parties every year on our birthday. Highlights of these parties over the years included: my husband doing a strip tease in a crowded bar(on more than one occasion), me ending up literally under the table passed out drunk(at same bar only a different year - I think), and while planning our party one year, drinking, smoking, and later having such a hallucinatory time(with help, of course), that I ate bark, almost burned my hair off, tried to go outside naked multiple times, nurse on my friend(yes, I said nurse), and peed in the street. That was a memorable one.

Thank God those days are gone. We're much older, and a lot more tired. So this year, we are getting together at the Owl and Thistle Monday night, December 11th, at 9pm. So if you're reading this and are so inclined, please feel free to stop on by.

Highlights

2006-12-01T14:45:00.000-08:00

I figured instead of trying to recreate the last month, I'd just update based on whatever little thing comes into my head. It's been a veritable snow storm in my head lately. But thanks to a week in Albuquerque, some vigorous chanting since being back home, stepping up the work-outs, the storm in my head has mellowed, a bit.

Thanksgiving in Albuquerque was delightful. It was hard work, and I think Mandy, Ly and I did a good job of bringing everything together. Highlights from the trip include walking into the living room to see 7 year Madeline reading my copy of the sexiest man alive People. I asked her what she was reading about, and she told me she was reading about Lipitor(being very careful to sound it out as she read it), some new holiday film fair, and sexy men. Goes to show you never know what the children are picking up. Little Zach and I had a good time tearing bread for stuffing. We would tear the bread, look at each other, make bombing noises as we launched our bread piece into the big bowl in the middle of the table, and then giggle sinisterly like 4 year olds. Well, he IS 4, but I do a really good impression of a 4 year old.

Other kids highlights included watching Lyam and Zach play like boys in the back yard. Apparently they created two thrones out of some plastic backyard chairs, and it was Zach's idea to throw the slaves into the pit below. The two kings threw the imaginary slaves into the pit, and then came more evil giggling (Zach likes his evil giggling).

Had some great yoga classes while in NM. Learned a few things about grounding my femurs. Who knew? It's actually helped a lot in my massage. I need to get back into a class, but I want a class that isn't free flow yoga, and is more of, here is a pose, here's how to do it correctly, now go. I must purchase some yoga sandbags however, these things are one of the best inventions I've ever found. Gave a few massages while there. One of Lyam's, Mandy's and my friends from college also lives in Albuquerque, and he just finished (or is finishing) a massage therapy program. So we did an exchange, and it was delightful. Dude worked me over. I gave Mandy and the hubby massages, and tried to convince said hubby of the importance of getting massage for high-up corporate types who deal with a lot of stress.

We also had some really cool chanting sessions with Mandy. One chanting session included the kids. It was really amazing to see how they took to it. As Mandy put it, they were both really "nonplussed" by the chanting. And little miss "I'm 7 going on 40" took Mandy's chanting book from her and began trying to read and say the Sanskrit right along with us - and did a good job to boot.

Thanksgiving was lovely. Lyam, Mandy and I worked much of the day to get things prepared. I have before and after pics of our turkey, but haven't figured how to get them off my phone yet. Ly and I made our homemade Irish creme, and we had most of it polished off by the evening. Mandy made 3 pies which were all delicious, but the cherry was killer. You can't go wrong with crust and fruity filling in my opinion. I was in charge of the bean casserole, and apparently using real beans was a new experience for many. Most Mormons I've come in contact with use canned beans. Thanksgiving is definitely more creamy and "canny" in Mormon circles. Speaking of creamy, I did the gravy (as it should be if I do say so myself). I love to make sauce man, I love stirring rue and adding spices. And yah know, corn starch can kiss my ass, the only way to do gravy in my opinion, is to do it with milk.

We left on Saturday and got home that night. Apparently it started to snow once we left NM. And the next day, it was a blizzard here in Seattle. We had a coupla good snow storms here which is quite unusual, especially in November.

In other news, Ly and I were approved for a car loan. I think we are going to wait until right before Christmas to get it, just to make sure those car dealers are ready and hopping to get rid of those things before the new year. I've narrowed the car down to a 2003 or 2004 Subaru Forester. Now it's just a matter of finding the right one. So I never knew that when you get a loan through your credit card agency, they approve you for a set amount, and then they send you a blank check. It really shouldn't be that easy, but there you have it. So by January folks, the Whites will no longer be carless (thank the Gods!).

I don't know if I mentioned that I am starting Alexander Technique lessons. I had one lesson before we left for New Mexico, but on Monday I start a 10 session series. I can not WAIT! My voice and my neck will be very happy.

I know there was more to say, but it's gone for now. I don't have a really clever way of ending this post, so goodbye, and happy December. I love December, and not just because it is the month in which I was born, but because it's just really friggin cozy.

The good, bad, and the ugly

2006-11-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

As the title suggests, the past few weeks have been a bit of all of the above. First of all, I need to make an urgent request of the universe, please tell Mercury and it's retrograde self that it has messed with my head for the last time. I still wax vague on many things astrological, but hells bells if I don't feel the effects of Mercury in retrograde every single time.

For example, the day Mercury went into retrograde my cwrubs email address finally bit the bullet. After many months of not receiving invoices from my hosting company, and then having my email service turned off without notice, I finally called them and told them that they could kindly shove their hosting services up their collective RAMs. So Ly and I now only have our gmail addresses. I'm sure this is doing wonderful things to my business and all the people that have emailed me wanting massage in the last week. More Mercurial examples: faxes not going through, complete misunderstandings with friends, clients cancelling and not calling, phones acting c.r.a.z.y. It all needs to stop or I'm gonna stick my big Sagittarian Jupiter ass on it.

In car news, I found out that Washington Mutual no longer does car loans. What's up with that? I thought all banks were supposed to carry car loans. I have some leads on places online that can do financing though, so I'm going to shop around, get a few interest rate quotes, so I can have them when I go to the dealership after we return from Albuquerque.

In biz news, I have hired someone to help me with my bookkeeping and office work. After 6 months of looking at a 4-month backlog of receipts that need to be entered into my expense ledger, I finally decided to hire someone for 4 hours a week. I just can't do all the work that is entailed in running my business. It takes so much discipline to work at home. It takes a lot of prioritizing to decide if one should do billing, do follow-up with insurance companies, enter receipts into one's expense ledger, do the laundry, do the dishes, vacuum the floor, chant, work-out etc. I think that this person will be a life-saver. Although the idea of me actually having an independent contractor employee is kind of tripping me out. Now all I need to do is get online and do some research on exactly what forms I need her to fill out.

Which brings me to exciting things, two weeks until we leave for Albuquerque. I can not WAIT. I can't wait to go to multiple yoga classes, to play with my Mandy kids. We just made reservations at a hotel today. We're going to stay with Mandy for two days, in a hotel for two days, and then back to Mandy's for two days. That way we can break it up, have some time on our own, give the folks some space, and still have plenty of time to hang, and partake in a delightful Thanksgiving.

That all said, I feel the need to work through some things that have been going on in my head as of late. I'm not necessarily looking for validation, I'm just writing about this to get it out of my head. I find that scary discloser usually lessens the hold my neuroses have on me. I've been feeling pretty insecure about many things as of late. This insecurity is more annoying than crippling(I've definitely had that kind as well). I go through these phases of feeling like I'm a bad wife, a barely adequate massage therapist, that everyone out there thinks that Lyam is the only actor in this family and that I suck at that too, and ultimately, an anxiety-wridden(sp?) bitter fop with no life of her own.

We recently found out that another one of our good friends is going to have a baby. Right now, in this moment, I am very, very happy for her. A massage therapist where I work just had a new baby, and my little sister is going to give birth to her 4th in just a few months. When I first heard the news about our friend, it totally threw me for a loop. When I first heard it, I heard it with ears that were sure that it was yet another way of the universe reminding me of all the things that everyone else can have, except for Stine. I completely went to victimland. Babies were taken away from me, my voice was taken away from me, monetary compensation has eluded me (until recently), my father left when I was little...blah..blah...blah. The usual course of this line of thinking is that Stine then becomes very bitter and resentful. I've been really trying to work through that the past few weeks. The more bitter and resentful I feel, the more I beat myself up, and the whole process starts all over again.

So what have I done about it? Well first of all, I'm trying really hard to not discount or compartimentalize my shit, because that only makes it worse. So as uncomfortable as I sometimes feel, I just have to feel like ass, and take care of myself. I've been chanting up a storm lately, and that is helping immensely. It just helps me center myself, give myself that time and care, and clear out some of that energy from my body. And finally, I've been trying desperately to shift my perceptions of what I don't have, to what I do have. So in that spirit, I feel the need to make a list to remind myself of all the things I have been blessed with.

- a solid, realistic, exciting, passionate, frustrating, tantalizing, and exquisite marriage
- a fairly adept sense of humor (however raunchy it may run on occasion)
- hands that feel, see, and hear so much of what is going on when they touch people
- a business that is booming, and challenges me every day
- a very anal organized sense of what it takes to run an office (thank you mother)
- a humanistic philosophy and Buddhist practice that keeps me grounded, safe, and constantly moving in a forward direction
- most of the time, a sex life that would be envied by any married couple(speaking of, it may be time for a purple toy combo)
- a best friend who's presence reminds me every day what being human, compassionate, open, and resiliant really mean
- an extended group of talented, generous, and vibrant friends

See, what do I have to be worried about?

Out of the mouths of babes

2006-10-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Spoken by my 4 year old niece who was speaking to her mother(my sister) referencing my mother(her grandmother) who was standing near-by...

"Mom...you'll have to use small words when you talk to her, she's a little slow today."

The BODIES exhibit

2006-10-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

Lot's of anatomy and physiology geekiness follows, read at your own discretion.

So Monday, my friend and I went to the BODIES exhibit here in Seattle. I had gone through a six week cadaver course during massage school, but this was lots more art'y than formaldehyde soaked corpses.

There were many displays of cadavers in various positions: throwing a basketball, sitting and thinking, running. One of the muscular exhibits had many of the individual muscles flayed and hardened away from the body so you could see each origin and insertion of each muscle. It was so cool to be reminded of where many of the muscles attach, how deep and thick some of the muscle groups are. The lumbar erector spinae are 2 inches deep.

The circulatory room was KILLER! They did a process in which they injected a hardening colored plastic substance into the veins and arteries, then they chemically melted away the rest of the flesh. All that was left was a perfect colored cast of the circulatory system. They did the process with many individual organs. The most fascinating of these was the kidney. The kidney is the most highly pressurized system in the body, and the cast of it's circulatory system looked like red velvet. It is completey inundated with arteries.

The fetal room was a bit difficult to take. It was medically fascinating, but I tried to just look at the pathologies without thinking too much about them. There was a fetus born with spinal bifida, one born with anencephaly Look at your own risk, and one born with abdominal herniation, which is when all of the internal organs form on the outside of the body. There were also small exhibits in which you looked through a magnifying glass into a tube that contained various developmental levels of fetuses(what IS the plural for fetus?). That was a little difficult, especially since we just found out that another of our good friends is pregnant(I had a little breakdown about that, but things are better now).

The pathologies were also utterly transfixing. There was a complete transverse cut of the brain. This brain had had a major stroke. It looked as if the entire surface of this brain had mold on it. It looked as you would visualize a circuit board that had browned out and blew many fuses. There was a brain with Parkinson's, there were many blackened lungs (this was one of the hardest parts of the exhibit, for me). There were also various organ pathologies such as liver cirrhosis, enlarged hearts, and brain tumors.

They used a distinct polymer in preserving the cadavers, but you could still smell the dead body smell underneath it. It ended up being very acrid and sickningly sweet. So after about one hour, my friend and I couldn't take the smell anymore, and had to leave. Dead body smell tends to stick with you, literally. It sticks to your skin, your windpipe, you taste it for a few hours after you've left. So we had to leave, get some fresh air, and put something else down our gullet other than dead body smell and chemical polymers.

I have to say though, I found the exhibit exhillerating. It reaffirmed my desire to study craniosacral. Looking at the inside of the skull made me remember anew how intricate, complex, and like a little factory our brains are. Seeing the Sella turcica, how it connects the front and back of the brain, how the pituitary sits in the center, and how one can affect it through craniosacral, was fascinating.

Any of you locals who have the desire, and the stomach for it, I highly suggest seeing this exhibit. I'll go with ya, if ya want.

Chirp, chirp...

2006-10-06T14:28:00.000-07:00

Man, it's deader n' a friggin doornail in bloggerland these days. I know, I know, I'm one to talk. Life gets crazy, and all of the sudden you have 20 emails to respond to, 7 phone calls to return, 2 feet of paperwork to do, a stack of sheets 12 miles deep, and voila, many other things suffer.

Despite the treading water aspect of the previous paragraph, things are good. I've started my new schedule at both my locations. This leaves me working Wednesdays at the fitness center, Thursdays through Saturdays at the chiropractor's, and then Sunday through Tuesday not doing massage (theoretically). After tomorrow, my hands will have logged 23 hours of massage this week. 16 hours is considered full-time. And as I typed the above paragraph, I couldn't help thinking to myself, "yes Stine, you officially HAVE become your mother." I love my mother desperately, but daily updates of the "work" one has done make for a quick pathologic psychic fix.

I got's me a new 4 drawer file cabinet. My Lordy how it has made me creamy to not have to bend over and search through an egg crate full of extraneous file folders and papers for a blank insurance file folder. I swear there is much Virgo in my chart somewhere. A big double fire ball of controlfreakdom. Yay!

So if you haven't read Ly's latest post about the TV on the Radio concert, it was simply to. die. I haven't been this gung ho about a band since Youth Group. Ly's the music nerd in the family, so you know if I'm all over it, it has to be good, or a show tune. Both lead singers were haht(yes I did mean to spell it that way). Their harmonies were flawless, there production was first rate. I loved every second of it.

In other news, I've been thinking about looking for a yoga class. It's time for me to take a class again as I've been feeling like a bit of a work horse lately - a role I've completely taken on in all it's perfectionistic glory. I've been on output mode lately, a lot. It's time to have a little input time. If it weren't for my Buddhist practice, there wouldn't be much input at all. I've had a few boughts of feeling a little blue. Perhaps it's the changing seasons, even though I simply adore fall. I also managed to wean myself off of the medication I was taking (approximately 2 months ago). I had been taking Wellbutrin for a few years prior, but for the last 9 months or so, I've only been taking it because of the resulting weight loss it afforded. I finally decided that this wasn't an excuse to keep taking it, and besides I have no prescription coverage, and it's a gazillion dollars a bottle. Drug companies, I love you. I'm so glad you exist to help people in need

Une pause to remove my tongue from my cheek.

So you know how some people have a biological clock? Well ever since I found out mine was broken, I've taken on having an automobile clock. I thought I could wait until next December when Ly and I finished paying our credit card consolidation bill (after 5 years of insane monthly payments). But now that I'm working 4 days in a row, and needing 12 million sets of sheets, my neck and shoulders are like, "yeah, right Stine." I just keep fantasizing about a nice relatively new Honda for my next birthday. Ly and I are thinking about a Civic or Accord. Thing is, at 36, I have never owned nor bought a car. I(we) need help. I want to go buy a car with someone who knows the system, knows what sales people try to push off on customers, and can tell them to take a flying leap if necessary. All I know is how much I want to spend each month, and what kind of car I want. See, I don't even know if we're supposed to go to the bank first, get the loan, and then go choose a car. Are we suppose to choose the car, and then go get the financing? I mean shit, I feel like I'm 16 in this area. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Because if mamma can have a nice new'ish car in her driveway for her 37th birthday, mamma's gonna be real, real happy. You hear that daddy?

Seriously, you hear that?

New study - Human hands emit light

2006-09-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

They really do

Ya know...

2006-09-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I can be very annoying, know-it-all, busy-body. I realize that this may not be news to some of you. The last thing I ever intend to do is piss people off who just don't want to hear it. I realize that much of this may be my projections, but some of it isn't.

I worry sometimes, especially in regards to my Buddhist practice, that some people feel like I'm shoving the whole "up-with-people-positivity-you-can-create-whatever-you-want-in-your-life" in their faces. I don't want to become one of those religious fanatic types. It's hard sometimes, because very often, I tend to not view the Buddhism I practice as "religion", per se. I view it as bodywork, spirit work, vocal work, and in the end, religion - if you feel better calling it that. Thing is, Buddha was a man. He attained enlightenment in this life, in the present moment. I fully believe that anyone can create this.

I just get very zealous sometimes thinking about all the good things my practice has created in my life. I get zealous, I see people I care about suffering, and I want to help. I think I need to develop more creative nuances in how I share my experience.

I also worry sometimes (I am human and can't help it), that people think my life is all tea and cakes. Not true, at all. Things still suck, my body still hurts (a lot - but not as much as it did one month ago before I started making my physical pain a big part of my practice), I still feel extremely overwhelmed, I still get really fucking angry at a lot of things. It just seems like these emotions don't have as much control over me as they used to, which is nice. I also don't tend to post the extent of the "bad stuff" because I've been burned, a lot, when I've posted such things online in the past. Ultimately, the bottom line is, that if there is anything about me or my life that can assist someone I care about to create happiness in their own lives, then I'll do whatever it takes.

I post this disclaimer today for me. No one has spoken with me directly about any ill effects of my sometimes annoying positivity. If what I say resonates, then perhaps reading this will shed some light on my intentions, perhaps not. Ultimately, I just want the people I care about to be happy. The thing I have to remind myself of constantly is that they will be happy when they are ready to be happy, and not in accordance with my timelines.

I guess it's a good thing that I didn't get my Master's in Psychology. They say you teach best what you most need to learn.

De Do Do Do De Da Da Da

2006-09-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

Or so my new ringtone says. So many things going on right now. I'm going to ramble, continue at your own risk.

So speaking of ringtones, Ly and I got new cell phones yesterday. Well, I got a new one, and Ly got one for the first time. He's needed one for so long now. It will be nice to call him at the store and say, "yo, we need some chicken too." The convenience of that vision tastes sweet on my tongue. If that makes me a cheap whore, so be it. Speaking of being a cheap whore, I also bought a new printer (one that will handle more than one piece of paper at a time - what WAS I thinking?), a 4 drawer file drawer with a lock, so that all my files will fit in one file and the feng shui of my office/bedroom will clear the hell up already.

And finally, to top of my spending SPREE of yesterday(seems so far away now), I bought 2 plane tickets to ALBUQUERQUE, NM. Yes folks, 2 tickets to visit the KRAUSE HOUSE for a week during Thanksgiving. Can I get a hallelujah? I need to get. out. of. dodge. again. It is time to fly the coup and go see my bitch and her little kidlets. Ly gets to come this time (he was needfully absent last trip - as to who's need, I'll leave up to your imagination). It's going to be a martial arts/yoga/bodywork FESTIVAL. I'm very excited to geek out with my girl, cook good food, spend time with the kids, see some more of NM, and just chill.

So what precipitated this spending spree you ask? Well, I wake up two days ago, to an email in my inbox. It's from Capitol One. It says something along the lines of:

Mr. and Mrs. White (I HATE being called Mrs. White), due to your excellent payment history, we've increased your limit by XXXX dollars each year. Thank you for your continued support, blah, blah, blah. Or in other words:

Your dangerously close to paying off your credit card and we must keep you hooked into a Capitolist system that, in the end, produces only waste products. Wait, I thought I was in Beige's blog for a second, sorry. :)

The increased limit was a blessing, really. We were able to go to NM without too much bill shuffling, I'm getting some office equipment that will make billing easier, increase my output, and decrease the time I use my hands. So, yay all around.

Finally, a client of mine came in the other day. She and her partner are planning on adopting a child. They found this organization that does not discrimate based on race, gender, sexual orientation or income. It's a foster to permanent placement program. There is a one time ceritification fee. You then go through the certification process, you're apartment/house is certified. You take classes for 8 weeks...and in the end, the adoption fee is a very small percentage of your annual income. My client was telling me it's closer to 4 numbers, instead of the 5 I was thinking. So this makes me incredibly happy. I just feel more comfortable knowing there are organizations out there who work with a vast array of people.

edited to add:

Ly, you better tell people soon about your magazine writing gig

If you have not yet,

2006-09-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

get thyself to see Little Miss Sunshine pronto.

It is one of the best laugh-out-loud movies I have seen in a long while.

Stream of consciousness post

2006-08-31T21:42:00.000-07:00

So I just came home from the Kingfish Cafe here on 19th Avenue East. For our 10th anniversary, we got a $50 gift certificate. For those of you who do not know what the Kingfish is, please see here: They don't have a website

I was gonna order the bbq ribs, but they were SO outta them? I'm like shit, I really wanted pig, but reluctantly keep looking. Ly hones right in on the ribeye steak with grilled portabello mushrooms on it. The waitress comes, we start the order, and then the waitress apologizes and says they are out of the ribs. Well fuck it I say. I finally decide on the very dainty crabcakes meal. In the meantime, we entertain ourselves by ordering a mint julep for Ly, and a mojito for me. Ly's drink tasted like butter. Seriously, that fantastic white toasty foam that sometimes gets on the top of the butter - that's what his drink tasted like. He took three sips and was t.o.a.s.t. I wasn't fairing much better with the marathon mojito in a jar. But damn it was tasty. I coulda drank that shit all night.

Dinner comes, and it's delightful. Ly's stake made my nipples turn to Worchestershire sauce upon tasting. Yum! There was uninterrupted silence for about 10 minutes straight while we devoured our meals. We traded bites every three or four bites, as ya do.

We both ended up pretty silly from just one drink (damn we are cheap dates). So to sober up, we ordered two B&Bs and one order of strawberry shortcake. I'm already tipsy at this point, and the waitress says, "did you want those as a shot, or do you want the beautiful?" I'm like, what? I told the waitress I had no idea what beautiful meant, but I held my hand up like I was grasping a very delicate brandy glass, and the swished it around in a circle. She looked at me like the big fucking white girl I am, and said, "you want it beautiful". To which I replied, "honey, I always want it beautiful..." She laughed at us both, and went to get our drinks. Then the shortcake comes, and it's the size of my microwave back home. I mean this was 2 damn pounds of southern-goodness-shortbread-biscuit-mother fucking shortcake. After about 4 bites of that, my brandy, I start to get really talky. You know how Lyam, JJ, Beige, and Rob get "thinky"? Well I was getting "talky". So we paid the check and left.

We came home from dinner, and Celebrity Duets was on and we totally saw Lucy Lawless do a duet with Smokey Robinson of "OOO Baby..." (that's as much as I know the title), and guess who just got done - Friggin Randy Travis and Cheech! Cheech singing "Diggin' up bones". What is up WITH THAT? Weird. Please know I've never watched this show before. We just turned it on to be background noise while we got shit done for tomorrow i.e. dishes, doing a load of sheets (when am I NOT?), entering checks into a spreadsheet etc. Anyway, funny, yeah?

Ok, that was all really. There might be more in there somewhere. Wait, Cheech, Lea Thompson, Lucy Lawlass all got into the next round on Celebrity Duets. Fuck I love reality TV.

So I'm in here typing this post here, and I come across this headline: Is Travolta a pansy?What the fuck? Is the world really that concerned? And fer crisssakes, couldn't it just be a friend? A friendly little peck to say, "thank you for shuttling me around in one of my million dollar jets..."

Do we have NOTHING better to contemplate? I just read an article in the latest GQ - with Clive Owen on the cover thank. you. very. much. It was an article about the guy who turned in the pictures from Abu Ghirab prison. Man, his life must be hell. How would it feel to have that many people hate you? Because that's what he said happened. He hasn't been able to go home again. His wife was acosted, his family turned against him. That's some balls people.

And...I'm out.

Fin.

The 3 Truths

2006-08-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about

This

lately.

10th Anniversary

2006-08-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

So we escaped to Port Townsend last Wednesday. It's always so powerful having a car in one's possession, when one does not own a car. Ly and I splurged and went up one size in car this time. We bought our requisite new orange juice flavored Rock Stars, and were on our way. After a few navigating mishaps around Edmonds (who did the grids for that city anyway?), we got on the Ferry and made it to the hotel in Port Townsend. The cool picture of the hotel is on our other camera that we've yet to fill. We stayed at the Swan, and the picture is of Ly perched atop the block in front of the hotel sign being his usual fowl'y self.

Here is the room we stayed in:
quaint

and from the other way:
who's that cutie on the bed?

So verdict, LOVE Port Townsend. I highly suggest it to anyone who wants to get out of town. What a great city. It's just big enough, artsy, on the water, has lots of kitch shops, good food, and plenty of beaches - plus a marine petting zoo to boot.

So Ly and I zone out on cable our first night there. And let me tell you, watching cable is like crack to those not partaking of cable at home. So we zoned out on beer, happy, and the jucuzzi tub.

Next thing we new, it was morning:
Ly got toasty, and yes I didn't post the picture I knew you wouldn't want people to see

Because you see, I am a nice girl.

We had some breakfast and around 1'ish went to the Marine Science Center. And here are some pictures from that venture:

Ly & the Starfish
Stine recognizes something familiar

here are the weirdest creatures in the world:
Sea Cucumbers

and I touched one:
ewwwwwwww!!!!!

after having really gross nachos and chicken strips at the beach food place we walked along the beach:
Awe
Double Awe

you could really tell we were in love:
Even though I look like Howard Stern just got a haircut

I even made a little heart sandlecastle with which to display my love:
Mouh!

and then made him take a picture of me in it so we could be even:
so nice

We then came back to the hotel, got ready and went to a lovely dinner at Fins. I had King Crab Legs, and the RULED! But the final verdict, to much work for so little yield. Ly's fishy sauce was tasty, and we accompanied the dinner with a few Ruby Red Mojitos. We then came home, proceeded to get very silly on some good champagne, took a lovely jet soak in tub that fit us both filled with epsom salts, bubblebath, and more champagne. Then it was time for the sex, again.

We woke up early the next morning, watched an X-Files marathon, and took a leisurely drive home.

Yay!

That Mo Can Dance

2006-08-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

My little Benji won.

I cried.

I love him

Anniversary pictures forthcoming.

Happy Birthday JJ

Buh Bye

2006-08-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

As I sit here looking at my husband's cute-as-hell naked ass as he makes the bed, I can't help but be excited as we leave for the anniversary vaca. It went and got all rainy though. So we may not be doing as much swimming and lounging at the beach as we'd hoped, but hey, if all there is to do is watch cable, get happy, soak in the jacuzzi, and have sex - I'd be ok with that.

Ok, must go, Ly is voguing on the bed showing me his plump round firmness.

Civil war possible

2006-08-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

Are these people new here?

A veritable Battlestar

2006-08-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

Thank you Beige and B for getting me hooked on this crack. We just watched the final episode of season 1, and oh. my. god.

PS - Starbuck is H.O.T.

If one more person cancels on me with less than 24 hours notice, be it for a massage, or working for me at home, or to chat, or whatever, I'm gonna to lose it. It's just inconsiderate. I don't understand why people can't communicate. I'm like, be sick, take a mental health day, do whatever the fuck you need to do, but LET ME KNOW FOR CHRIST'S sake. It's not hard to pick up a phone and communicate. Why can't people do what they say they are going to do? I'm done.

And yes, in case you were wondering, that IS my martyr complex you are stepping on.

Happy Birthday Sis!

A Roasty Posty Day

2006-07-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

aka "Why is Mercury still in retrograde - I don't care what anyone says, and why has everyone I've come in contact with today been living on Pluto until the moment they encountered me?"

Thing #1:
I've NEVER had a client that I wouldn't schedule for another massage. I had one today. So first off, this dude is about 6'4, about two fitty, sporting a dead ringer David Hasslehoff doo', Tom Selleck mustache, and an attitude. Dude's suppose to be an insurance client. I tell ALL insurance clients that they will need to come 10 minutes early to fill out a health history form, and the insurance paperwork. I'm out at the front desk, where I come and retrieve all my clients before thier massages. His appointment time comes around, no dude. I shove lunch down my throat while waiting for him. As I'm downing my last bit of salad, Magnum PI comes up to the front desk in a SPEEDO,with my card in his sweating hand. He asks the front desk chick where I'm at. I come up to him, introduce myself, give him the paperwork as he curtly tells me he's been waiting in my massage room for the last ten minutes. The massage room that has all the other personal client files I was dealing with for today. I tell him I've been waiting up front with his paperwork for the last 15 minutes. This, of course, gives me a clear view of where this entire session is heading. I lead him back to the massage room, he pulls out his referral and insurance card for me to copy. It's an insurance plan in which I'm not a participating provider. I tell him this, he's say to me, "I thought your sign said you took(name of company)insurance." I very calmly, because you see, I am a very good actress, "No, it doesn't."

He hemmed and hawed at this news for awhile. He then asked me how much my time of service fee was. I told him, he agreed to pay that, and he immediately dropped his Speedo in front of me. My eyes widen horrifically at being Full Montied(and bless his heart I might add), I look him directly in the eyes and say, "You will wait to undress until I am out of the room." He bullies his way into the moment and asks if he should get on the table - I haven't even gone over his intake form yet. I'm so wanting to get out of the room I decided to let him, and then take even more time when I came back in, to do the health history. Remember, we're already starting about 10-15 minutes late.

I come back in the room, take 5 more minutes and go over his history form while he's face down on the table. He proceeds to diatribe me with the "exact" locations I should work, the exact way I should work, and where the problems were. I listened without saying much. I then began the massage.

Long story even longer, I made him cry like a baby. He didn't really cry, but I made him shout uncle more than once. Disclaimer: This is never my direct intention, just a by-product of some of the work I do. I decided not to put a damper on my deep tissue impulses with him. It was an S&M massage, and not in a good way. I think his body finally acquiesced, and his body and I came to an understanding. I finished the massage, and he ended up not having any checks, and only had about 2/3's of the massage's price in cash. He asked if he could send a check to my "office address", and I told him no as the last thing I was going to do was send him my home address. I told him to send the rest to the fitness center. I don't care if I ever get it, and if he calls again, I will kindly direct him to a 6'3, 300lb firefighter LMP I know.

Thing #2:
I rush out of the above appointment, pull out my metro information to go to an acupuncture appointment with someone I was going to start doing trades with. Get on the bus, as I'm on the bus I call Ly and ask him to check my email for me - which I am known to do. He does, and one email is from the aforementioned acupuncturist saying that due to some communication errors (it's a long story, but suffice it to say we both knew when the appointment was, that is was "suppose" to take place, that she had already cancelled on me once before with less than 24 hours notice), she would not be at the office as she wasn't sure I got the email with her office address. I lose my shit to Ly over the phone, and in front of a bus full of strangers. I get off the bus, and proceed to leave her a very respectful, yet clearly outlining my present anger issues at the situation, voicemail. I storm to ACT, grab Ly to go find something to buy that could be ingested (Starbucks, for those who were wondering), and let loose with the pressure build-up that this day had come to represent. By the way, thanks honey.

I am now here, sitting in my dark bedroom, with the blinds drawn, where no people are, debating a strategy for going back out into that vast chaos that is today as we have no food and I need to go shopping.

Ah...

better...thanks for listening

EDITED TO UPDATE

So uhm yeah, I finally made a plan to drag my ass to the store. I got to the store, shopped for about an hour and a half, got to the checkstand, the checker rang everything up, I looked in my purse, my wallet was absent. I had my business checkbook, I was safe, or so I thought. Wrote the check, the checker tried to put it through, the "machine" apparently didn't recognize the check, thinking it was the first check written out of that account (so confused about this one). The machine keeps beeping at me telling me to slide my license through. I tell the checker I forgot my wallet, the checker calls a supervisor. Meanwhile, the 3 people behind me, who all had full grocery carts, begin to fidget and try to keep thier friendly smiles. What seems like a gazillion hours later, the supervisor comes over, knows I am a regular customer because they had taken my Safeway card number earlier, and refuses to put the check through because I didn't have my license. I breathe, say fine, take my check, and systematically proceed to dump out my 2 cloth shopping bags, and leave the 3 other grocery bags in the cart for them to put away.

Actually, at this point, I can do nothing but laugh at the debacle that was today. I guess that's good.

Another Tarot Meme (but this one is cooler)

2006-07-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Because it lists your outcomes by percentages.

You scored as III - The Empress. The Empress is a maternal symbol. She is
the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects. She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble. When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better. Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength. If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them.
If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love. If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness,
fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world.

III - The Empress

100%

VIII - Strength

81%

II - The High Priestess

75%

IV - The Emperor

75%

VI: The Lovers

69%

I - Magician

63%

XIII: Death

63%

XVI: The Tower

56%

XI: Justice

56%

XIX: The Sun

56%

0 - The Fool

50%

X - Wheel of Fortune

44%

XV: The Devil

31%

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Jingle Test Answers

2006-07-25T16:44:00.000-07:00

PRODUCTS
1. "Just for the fun of it...(DIET COKE)"
2. "If you've got the time, we've got the beer (MILLER BEER)"
3. "Celebrate the moments of your life." (GENERAL FOODS INTERNATIONAL COFFEE)
4. "Sorry, Charlie." (STARKIST TUNA)
5. "In the valley of the jolly ho-ho-ho, (GREEN GIANT)"
6. "Sugar Bear can't get enough." (SUGAR CRISP CEREAL)
7. "Fruit Chewy, (FIG NEWTONS)"
8. "America spells cheese (K.R.A.F.T.)"
9. "It's (SLINKY), it's (SLINKY), oh what a wonderful toy."
10. "Ancient Chinese secret." (CALGON LAUNDRY DETERGENT)

JINGLE/TAG LINE
1. Pork – The Other White Meat
2. Winston cigarettes – Winston tastes good like a cigarette should
3. Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs – I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner
4. Burger King in the 80's – The one I was specifically thinking of was “Where’s the Beef? – But I will give all answers credit as I wasn’t specific
5. Honey Nut Cheerios – It’s a honey of an O; it’s Honey Nut Cheerio’s
6. Faberge Organic Shampoo – And she’ll tell two friends, and so on, and so on
7. Raisin Bran – Two scoops of Raisins
8. Hamm's Beer – From the land of sky blue water
9. Big Red Gum – Kiss a little longer with Big Red
10. Klondike Bars – What would you do for a Klondike Bar

Jingle Test

2006-07-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do some jingles, and then I will put products down and you come up with the jingle line. Don't cheat. I'll wait for people to post some answers, and then I'll type the answers out in a few days.

PRODUCTS
1. "Just for the fun of it...(insert product name here)"
2. "If you've got the time, we've got the beer (insert product name here)"
3. "Celebrate the moments of your life." (Product)
4. "Sorry, Charlie." (Product)
5. "In the valley of the jolly ho-ho-ho, (Product Name)"
6. "Sugar Bear can't get enough." (Product Name)
7. "Fruit Chewy, (Insert product name here)"
8. "America spells cheese (Insert spelling here)"
9. "It's (product), it's (product), oh what a wonderful toy."
10. "Ancient Chinese secret." (Product)

JINGLE/TAG LINE
1. Pork
2. Winston cigarettes
3. Oscar Meyer Hot Dogs
4. Burger King in the 80's
5. Honey Nut Cheerios
6. Faberge Organic Shampoo
7. Raisin Bran
8. Hamm's Beer
9. Big Red Gum
10. Klondike Bars

K - Go

Values from Hound

2006-07-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:

You value loyalty a fair amount.
You're loyal to your friends... to a point.
But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.
Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself.

Honesty:

You don't really value honesty.
You do value getting your way, no matter what.
And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem.
A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!)

Generosity:

You value generosity highly.
So much so that you often put your own needs last.
There's nothing wrong with having a caring heart...
But you may want to rethink your "open wallet" policy.

Humility:

You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person.
But occasionally your ego takes over.
You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance highly.
Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...
You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.
You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

An Ex-Mo'ey Mish Mosh

2006-07-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

There are tons of small things I'm wanting to post about. I've started a few drafts, and decided to combine everything. So this is going to be like leftover night when you were growing up. A little mac and cheese with hot dogs, a little spaghetti, last night's mixed vegetables you couldn't bear to throw away, some about to turn pears, all topped with a nice glass of kool-aid.

So Ly wakes up this morning to water spraying out of the ceiling fan in our bathroom. That's good times. I call and leave a message for the landlord, and am currently in a holding pattern. It's died down, a lot. But there is still a small trickle. I have to wait until she calls back before I can go into work. Our ceiling looks like it got burned with battery acid, the entire apartment more humid than usual, in that northwest mossy sort of way. I wandered around the house with my bloomers on, tits to the wind, in that "got violently pulled out of a very satisfying dream" state. My face eventually uncrinkled, I kissed Ly, and sent him on his way to work. Tried to go back to sleep, to no avail. Got up and chanted for a half hour, and well, the world is a different place.

Speaking of chanting and the world being a different place. Last Monday I came home from a full day of massaging. I was in so much pain, I couldn't sit up, I couldn't move my right hand, and I just cried. I worked just one muscle in my right shoulder (the levator scapulae - for those of you wanting to know such things), I propped myself up, decided I was sick and tired of being a slave to pain, chanted and cried for 45 minutes. At the end of my chanting session, I had absolutely no pain, could move my fingers, and stand. I hear all these medical stories in the SGI. Stories of epileptics becoming asymptomatic after chanting for a year, AIDS victims who have faced death multiple times (as in had a T cell count of 13 - that's very low), and are still here to talk about it. One of the stories that first really got me into considering becoming a Buddhist, was the story of a woman who had cancer in her entire larynx(voicebox). She had to have the entire thing removed. She obviously had no voice after this. Despite having no voice, she chanted by pushing air through her mouth, and moving her lips. After 2 years of "chanting", this woman went back to the doctor, they did a laryngeal scope, and her body had grown scar tissue that was functioning as vocal cords. The woman could totally speak. Come hell or high water, I am going to get a handle on this pain. My mind is going to heal my body, that's all there is to it.

See, this shit fascinates the hell outta me. Quantum physics, string theory, particle-wave duality, multiple dimensions - GOOD TIMES! I think the bottom line, is that by the end of my life, I just want to be able to put my hands on people, and have them be well. I wanna move things with my mind. You wait man, you wait.

Ok, so I wish I were in Albuquerque. I miss my friends. And the kids are so cute, they're killing. Ladies, have one for me, K?

I also wanted to post a thing about anger. I decided to scrap my draft, and just condense some stuff. I've just really been trying to reconcile the fact that I'm an angry bitch sometimes. Uhm, yeah, whatever peanut gallery. Seriously, I'm like Stine, get your mind off your own damn self for a second. Then I do that, and the anger dissipates (doesn't leave, but dissipates). I've been trying to work it more where I can transform the shit, before it becomes destructive. It's still the same energy, but it creates something different, if that makes sense. I fail at it, often. But at least I can practice for the rest of my life.

I was going to post something about women and anger in relation to growing up Mormon, but decided to scrap most of that too. Yes, there are issues, yes, women are marginalized, undercut, loved and, at times, respected. But they are also not given the same consideration, on a large scale, as men. But you know, guess the only choice I have is to tranform that too. Don't know if any of that made any sense, but it was satisfying to type.

So the last thing I wanted to post about was jingles. I got a bunch of old commercial jingles in my head the other day, and was like, I should do a jingle test. So I'm gonna make one up, and post it in a bit.

TaTas

Anniversary plans, and various other asundry volleys

2006-07-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

So the hound and I finally have our anniversary plans secured. And before I tell you where we are going and what we are doing, I should mention that we have never been on a vacation that hasn't involved friends or family members. We are going to be disappearing to The Swan in Port Townsend, Washington. I think the name of our hotel is quite apropos considering Ly just got done playing one. I just found out from my friend E who is here working with me, that An Officer and a Gentleman was filmed in Port Townsend. Who knew?

So let's see, the past week has been spent working, and on about 3 or 4 sunny days, lounging by the pool at our apartment complex. Even though our pool has a slight "Motel 6 back in the 60's" feel, they refinished the pool tiles, drained it a few times, and it's been good to go.

My Buddhist friend R went to the UK for almost 2 weeks. Before she left, she asked me if I wouldn't mind borrowing her car for that time. I'm like, uhm...wait a minute...I need to really think about this...

HELL JAH!

So we've had a car for the past week, and will have it until next Monday. My body SO needs a car. It's been so nice to not have to drag my little roller bag of sheets to the chiropractor's each week. Although, note to Stine and Ly, when buying your own car - leg room, and more importantly head room of utmost importance. Little cars are not made for cervically impaired (thank you Eileen) Amazon girls.

In other travelling news, I think Ly and I have also finally decided that one way or another, we will be able to go to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving to visit Ms. Krause. This of course, makes me giddy. Yoga classes, turkey, chilling, breezy drives, playing with the kidlets, all sounds delightful. So I am very excited about that.

Universe, please tell the massage people to send me my money. K?

I also wish Ly would tell about his Buddhist news.

PS

2006-07-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify, I drink alcohol sometimes. I am not trying to lump everyone who drinks alcohol into the same bag. In my experience, the majority of people who have gone off to me about smoking, have been conservatives who see nothing wrong with having a bottle of merlot each night. That is all.

It's a mixed bag (rants ahead)

2006-06-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

No jokes about purses and skin please. And fyi, I'm going to go off in a minute, so if you think you might be offended, don't read on.

Ly and I went to Breitenbush last weekend. We had a lovely time. UMO ensemble got a lot accomplished at their retreat, and Ly and I got to soak and play in the natural hot springs. It was great this time because we went to the medicine wheel in the morning before breakfast. This is the place under a grove of trees, where there are 4 stone tubs with different minerals in each. Each tub gradually got hotter, and then across the platform was the cold plunge that is constantly filled with very chilly river water. A few times through the entire process, and I think it is safe to say you are walking on sunshine. We rented a nice little PT Cruiser knock off, and had a good road trip on the way down, and back.

Been working like a dog ever since.

Cut to today. If this is repeat information for anyone, feel free to skip ahead. So for the last year and a half, I have experienced pain, numbness and muscle weakness in my right arm. Went to a bunch of doctors, did a bunch of tests, and ended up with some cervical herniated and bulging disks. Got a cervical epidural last August which helped immensely. My symptoms increase when I sit at a computer (hence my decreased posting). My symptoms also increase (not as much) when I have a long day of massage. I am doing every PT exercise known to man, I work out, I get chiropractic adjustments, do massage and acupuncture, ice, work on myself, and everything in between. Currently, I get spasms in my right hand with my middle and ring fingers. They are so bad that I have to pry my fingers open. This happens 4 or 5 times a week. I get medial scapula pain so bad I can't even hold my head up at the end of the day some days. Sometimes, the fingers of my right hand don't even feel like they are able to get any nerve impulse to tell them to move. All of the symptoms make for a very hard time in, billing, doing dishes etc., being happy and bright, and not wanting to cut my head off. I have gone through every medication known to man. Some have helped a bit, some make me drowsy and more retarded than usual(all the percocet and narcotics), some make me irritable, most make me not able to poop (and those of you that know me know that I HATE it when I can't poop). In addition, narcotics are WAY harsh on your liver, and mine can't afford it any more.

So that is the history. I haven't had percocet for this condition since the end of last year. I am at loathe to get another prescription for it. My pain, at it worst, would totally qualify for another percocet prescription. Since I really don't want one, I'm trying other options.

What I have found that works best for the pain, the trigger points, and mostly the spasming, is coming home after a day of massaging, icing my neck, taking some naproxen, and smoking a little medical marijuana. Medical marijuana is technically legal in Washington state (or I should say, at least the voters made it law). I have wanted to do things on the up and up, so I went to my spine doctor to see if he would sign my medical marijuana letter. He understood my plight, but alas, would not. He claimed he didn't like the lingo that was on the recommendation letter that was drafted by the medical board of the state of Washington. He said he would be happy to talk to another doctor that would be willing to sign the letter. He said he would give any history as to my condition, and help in whatever way he could - other than signing my letter.

So I go see my primary care physician the other day. I was faced, yet again, with another pussy doctor who is afraid of getting sued. Sidenote: There was a just a bill passed by Congress stating that doctors couldn't be touched for recommending medical marijuana. I started crying right there in her office. I was like, "so, you'd rather give me a percocet prescription and send me on my way than give me a recommendation for a naturally grown herb that helps just as much with MORE symptoms, and is far less harsh to my system?" She was like, "well, yes." She told me that it was partly a legal fear, and partly that she doesn't know enough about it.

This, I believe, is what is totally fucked up about our conservative, back-assed, litigious society. It's not even logical. That someone can go out, have six beers, drive home, killing a pedestrian on the way(this happened to one of the founders of a local naturopath school here in Seattle), and yet I can't have medication that helps me open my fingers so I can write to do my billing and make a living, is f.u.c.k.e.d.

In the end, my doctor ended up printing out my spine doctor's notes, and writing a letter that states that I have cervical radiculopathy with chronic spasming and pain, and that I use medical marijuana to alleviate the symptoms. So hopefully this letter will be all I need. It doesn't say what the other letter said, but it will do, for now.

(beware generalizations follow)

It is my hope, that some day, this back-assed thinking can be changed. Perhaps I am niave in hoping that the conservatives, those who have NEVER even tried marijuana, those who know NOTHING of it's effects, and anyone else who falls in between those cracks, can re-evaluate their judgments, their biases, their ridiculous assumptions about who people that smoke marijuana are. Because I'm tired of fighting. The current polictical regime, and the armies of conservatives, and the religious right that follow them are creating a world of hate, judgment, and evil unlike their bible has ever known.

I'm an addict

2006-06-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

and yes, insert your noun of preference here. Whatever will make you giggle the most.

I've come to the conclusion that I am a reality show addict. I'm not the type of addict who will watch every single reality show out there. I mean I've never even seen an entire episode of Survivor. But I choose wisely, and when I fall, I fall fast and hard. I would assume it would be like heroin addicts that first time they taste the sweet sweet drip.

Cut to last Wednesday. I was home, doing billing, stretching, chillin' doing my thing, when an episode of So You Think You Can Dance comes on. At first I did your typical, "oh shit just another reality show..." I say this being a former hardcore, and current softcore American Idol addict. I continued to watch, and shitballs on Sunday, I kid you not, those bitches could MOVE! My friend L comes over to hang, and I'm like dood, you have GOT to watch this. So within ten minutes she was hyped, jumping up and down on the still-new-to-us-terra-cotta-80's couch, critiquing their moves, and getting as into it as I was.

On to the contestants, you have two sistahs who have bodies to DIE for. They were both toned, big-bootied, energetic, amply endowed with the breastages, and both were spoting an attitude of sex and funk. There is this nice little contestant named Benji. He served a 2-year mission for his church. I'll give you three guesses what church that may be. I first look at him (he is the West Coast Swing champion), and think nah, whatever. I then see him swing dance, and that boy moves like lightening. But then, no wait...seriously....then last night comes around. He and one of the aforementioned hot sistahs do this ass lovin', big booty, hip-hip dance that went a million miles an hour. My little Mo' Benji tore it UP! Nigel, (Simon Cowell's dance counterpart for those of you keeping track)looked at Benji after he was done and in his perfect Brittish accent said, "uhm...son, does your church know you can dance like that?"

The boy can dance, but he's got a long way to go in discovering all about his homosexuality. There was a couple last night who did the Passe Doble. My intial reaction was one of, ok, whatever, this is the classicalesque piece they need in the show. I sat on the couch watching this, with my jaw on the floor, and about 1/2 way through it, sobbing. It was one of the most amazing things I've seen.

I could go on and on, but that would bore you. Needless to say, I have a new favorite to keep me cool during those harsh warm summer month.

In other news:

Just bought a new blender. This has been coming for years now. To get our old one to work, you would have to do an incantation, bang the blender on it's side 3 times, unplug it, plug it back in to another outlet, set it upright, and sweet talk the pitcher portion of the blender.

I just finished with another fascial structural session with the woman I consider a big mentor in my bodywork. So get this, my neck hurts bad. It always does, but my icky discs were speaking to me quite loudly today. I'm in my appointment, this woman has me in my bra and underwear. The better to see one's structure, and how the different parts of the body are moving and relating to one another. She touches my belly to see how it moves, she touches my diaphragm (the one that bisects my abdomen Beige), lays me on the table, and proceeds to pick up my rectus abdominus - for those of you following along, this is the muscle in the front of your belly that goes from your pubis to your xyphoid process (which is the bottom of your breast bone). She has her fingers about an inch under my rectus, squeezes inward, picks up the fascia connecting all the way down to my pubis and proceeds to lift it about 2 inches towards my head. She follows this up with doing some cross fiber friction where that muscle attaches at the pubis, and having me rotate my pelvis so there is more of a pull. She then does some fascial release work on my diaphragm, low back, and gluts. She has me stand up, and in addition to feeling really high (I wasn't), my pelvis had shifted about one or two inches downward and out of the sway back position. I then walk around a bit, and my neck pain is all but gone. She hadn't even touched my neck yet.

The Anatomy Trains, and fascial release work fascinates the hell outta me. It does make for interesting conversation when trying to explain to a client having neck pain why you may need to work their pubis. Loves me some bodywork.

Wow, that was a long post. I better stop while I'm ahead and not feeling any neck pain, as being on the computer usually exaccerbates it. Mwah!

100th Post (Of Couches and Men)

2006-06-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should have a party with my cast or something.

Ok, so, let's see. What's been up lately? Well, Ly and I inherited two lovely leather couches. A friend of ours has some fairly well off clients, and one of these clients just happened to be getting rid of a leather couch and love seat. As many of you may know, (the ice cream truck just drove by and I started to salivate. It's amazing what a visceral cellular response that was. My body remembered from when I was a kid)...anyway we've only had one love seat for our whole living room for many years. This is due to the evilness of the lady we will call "Repo Woman". I used to work with her at the insurance company back in the day. Anyway, she was the most vocal Republican I used to work with (most were Republican or at least fiscally conservative). Anyway, she used to give me shit all the time about Al Gore, and "my buddy" losing the race. She was just all around obnoxious and thick. Anyway, she ended up getting a couch that the company was giving away, even though she was new to the company, and I had had professional "dibs" if you will on the couch. The company had to get rid of a lot of old furniture, and I made it known to everyone in the office that I wanted to buy the couch. Her trust fund baby girl got it because she was so down and out in college, with an old ratty couch (Ly and I had none). Not that I'm still bitter or anything.

Anyway, where the hell was I. Oh yeah, so this couch and love seat were real leather, albeit 80's terra cotta. But ya know, beggars can't be choosers, and they ARE real leather. I had a moment of wondering if that made Ly and I incredibly un-pc. Who knows. Anyway 4 wonderful boys, one of which was our dear own Beige, helped us move them, and thank God because those bitches were heavy.

But damn, I just lie full down on the couch, and my whole Amazon body fits nicely and comfortably into the couch. No more V-back for Stine. Hell jah! Plus, very sturdy arm rests in front of the living room mirros - well you do the math.

Ly and I will be heading to Breitenbush in about a week and a half. It will be a nice weekend of soaking, relaxing, hiking, chanting, and sleeping. I can't wait. It will be a very interesting to experience that place with another group of people, since I'm so used to going with massage people. It will be nice to get out of Seattle, and I love roadtrips of any sort.

The school finally sold. We got/will get our bonuses. Mine had a minor math mistakes that would take way too long to explain. Needless to say, they are sending me another one, hopefully asap. That was a very nice surprise.

Ly now knows how to upload music to the computer, he put 3 more CD's on the IPod. He was like, man, it's like having a radio station that doesn't suck. He then gave a bit of a chuckle and a mumbled, "well...other than..." And I'm like, "Dude, Journey makes you very well rounded. Those Neil Diamond songs give you street cred. You can still have your "Kills", your "Sleepytime Gorilla Mausoleum", your "These Arms are Cakes"..." Anyway, I was right, created a monster. Very cute to watch.

There is a possibility of doing some vocal coaching/vocal music directing with a small group here in town. I have to go check it out on Monday, but this new band just wants an outside ear to give feedback about how they can be more concise. So that might be cool if it all works out.

Found out at the school bonus party that two of my favorite instructors are going to get together their own craniosacral certification program. They want to try and make it fly in 2007. If that's the case, I'm SO there. I was thinking of doing the structural analysis training, but that can wait. Honestly, whichever class works out best is the one I'm supposed to be in.

Been doing some interesting thought exercises in viscerally embracing the problems that come up in my life lately. It's been very interesting. Just totally saying yep, there you are, go off all you want, I'm here to make it work. More on that later.

Some things suck, some things don't

2006-06-07T17:49:00.000-07:00

Since I can’t seem to manage a full post, I’m going to make one of my
“Things that suck, and things that don’t lists.

Things that suck today:

My neck and arm are in pain
Client cancellations
Dry gooless salad
Feeling nauseous while giving a massage
Cranky husbands who teach me a lot about myself
Mountains of paperwork
Having to return a movie back unwatched (Ly and I were having one of our “in between the Netflix” joneses” and didn’t know our limit)
Having to tell the visiting teachers that I didn’t want any more contact
Feeling bad about how I handled a situation with a fellow Buddhist
Feeling nauseous and faint on the bus home
That I didn’t get a birthday card in the mail for my father, who’s birthday is tomorrow
The degenerative state of the polish on my toenail claws

Things that don’t suck today:

Helping a client feel better who has been having many horrid health issues going on
My leetle friend
Gay Marriage Ban Falls Short
Best friends who listen, validate when appropriate, and let you go off
Cranky husbands who teach me a lot about myself
Friends taking steps to make their lives better
Chanting
Husbands who send writing samples of their CD reviews to music critics at the local weekly rag
Getting friendly with myself
Getting shit done
Hopes of good things in the mail
Thinking back to Monday night when the Hound came home all testosteroned out, 12-years old, high as a kite on endorphins talking excitedly a mile a minute after his first kickboxing/mixed martial arts class.
Thoughts of later taking a nice long bath, and rubbing heating massage goo on my body, and watching a Buffy that I’ve seen 600 times.

The Happiest Birthday

2006-05-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

To my love, the Hound.

Mouh!

Ground Control to Major Tom

2006-05-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

I am here at the chiropractor's. Today is my last Saturday working here. I will now be here only Mondays and Fridays. So I will be doing massage 4 days a week, with an occasional massage at my house on Saturdays. I thought about feeling bad about this for a bit, but then I remembered that I am a people pleasing kiss-ass who always thinks she needs to be doing "something". My body will thank me.

Ly's birthday is this coming Tuesday. Tomorrow we are having a little fete at our place. Just a few close friends, some good eats, much relaxation and carousing. Ly and I were gonna cook, but work has run away with both of us, and neither of us has the energy to do up the Asian feast we were originally planning. So I think we're going to order out. Does that suck? Does it totally ruin our quasi-urban-hippie-eastern-Buddhist chic? Any ideas on party games that would totally embarass Lyam, and make him feel old? Some that I came up with are:

Blindfolded Twister
Strip Super Scrabble
Prostate Massage in 5 easy steps
Who's the biggest fag in the room?

I saw my friend M and her new 6 week old baby yesterday. We used to work together at the massage school. The little one is SO cute. I love massaging little babies backs and bellies. They have so few conscious restrictions to how their bodies experience any sort of bodywork, it's very refreshing. I find that little babies really love cranialsacral work. They especially like it while they are still in-utero. I will put my hands on the mother's belly, listen for the cranial rhythm, and within moments the little one is grooving to the cranial rhythm and doing backflips. Of course, this sometimes pisses off the mother, but what are you gonna do?

So I am very happy with what I bought Ly for his birthday. He has 2 presents coming, one at his party tomorrow, and the best one coming Tuesday on his actual birthday. He's gonna be happy, and he's gonna be a monster. That's all I will say.

Been reading a book called Certain Women, by Madelaine L'Engle. She is the author of my all time favorite children's book A Wrinkle in Time. It's about actors, about men, about the bible (strangely enough), and about trust in oneself and others. Very interesting. I must talk to my friend R, who sent me this book a few months ago.

Still trying to plan something for the old man's and my 10th anniversary in August? Anyone been to the San Juans? Which one would you recommend? Any experience with inexpensive yet elegant bed and breakfasts? I heard a bed and breakfast horror story the other day. A friend of mine, went to Orcas Island, stayed in a bed and breakfast with Cathy Bates in Misery. My friend was woken up at 5am in the morning as she slept on the couch, by aforementioned psycho lady. The hostess was screaming at her inquiring as to whether my friend and her counterparts had invited people over the previous night, partied, and totally messed up the place. My friend and her people had come home from their job (they were doing a temporary catering gig), had a few beers (there were like 6 of them), and then gone to bed. And here this bitch is at 5 in the morning interrogating my friend. I would have got up, politely said "please shut the fuck up", and stuck my fist where the sun don't shine.

So I don't want to stay there. But Ly and I NEED to get away from the city for our anniversary. Any ideas and thoughts would be welcome.

Last night we watched a movie called "Trouble Every Day". I swear to God, my friggin husband and his penchant for artsy horror shock flicks. It's a damn good thing I was as adjusted as I was, or I would have had an infarction. The movie's going along fine, very interesting interpersonal drama, two people start having sex, and then the bitch eats this guy's face off. Yes, it's true. I immediately covered my eyes of course, but I hear her giggling with glee as I decide to take a look, and see a piece of the dude's lip hanging from her gullet. WTF? My God, WHY? WHY?

And on that note, on to my next client.

Estrogen levels at an all time high

2006-05-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

While I myself, am not at an all time high. You ever have those days where you are pms'ing so bad that if someone says hello, or how are you with just the right inflection, you will burst into tears? Well today is that day.

I seriously did not want to get out of bed today. I'm not depressed, I'm not sick (read "ill"), I just felt the urge to hibernate and not talk to anyone today. Of course I get here to the chiropractor's and I have 5 massages. Thank you, thank you powers that be, but let's just say that today, work is a good acting exercise. My first appointment was entirely craniosacral though, so that put me in better spirits. I just feel my damn womb ready to burst, and it's annoying me. It's like I feel that anyone's gaze will burn a hole into my chest. While on the phone, I swore and yelled at the lady from the cab company, which I was calling because I missed my fucking bus by like 5 seconds. It was one of those bus driving away while I try to run with my pathetic little roller bag full of my lunch, 6 sets of sheets, my accordian file folder full of client files. Time slowed, my curses were drowned out by my heart beating from sprinting with my bag - it wasn't pretty. So needless to say, I was in a mood when I called the cab from the bus stop. Why are cab dispatchers some of the surliest, bitchiest, not getting laidest mother fuckers around? This bitch was like, "that's not a real address..." I'm like, "yes it fucking is." The difference was that I was saying Thomas East, and she apparently wanted me to say East Thomas. Instead of inquiring as to whether east thomas might be the correct address, she got all cunty. Therefore, so did I. I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but there you have it.

So on a lunch break now. Going to do my 4 other rubs, go home, have a simple yet filling dinner, rub some melty goo all over my body, chant, adjust my attitude, and relax. The only thing missing from that equation is a hot tub. Well, and we need to work in the requisite pre-menstrual sex. You read that last statement Ly? Good.

/end ranty bitchiness

Computer woah, woah, woahs

2006-05-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

As I sit here, my CD drive keeps opening and closing by itself, at different intervals. It would seem to be possessed, or just trying to ask for something. But I'm not sure how to respond. Ideas?

In addition, my damn blog roll has seen better days. It doesn't seem to be updating, again. I mean, I go away, things are fine, all settings on blogroll are good to go. I come back, and wallah, the whole thing's down the shitter. What gives?

Meanwhile, Ly and I saw Mission Impossible III the other day. Gotta give JJ props, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a great bad guy. Ving Rhames was hilarious, Jonathan Rhys Meyers was a sleek pumpkin of a thing. The girls were ok, Keri Russell was good, albeit in a brief stay sort of way. Very actiony goodness, Cruise is the same rippling lunatic he's always been, only worse because of the crazy shit he's pulled in the last little while. Megalomania anyone? Saw the trailer for Nacho Libre, after which I needed a bib. Wow is all I can say.

(the time is 4:19 pm)

and...............wait for it.....

continue...

I've decided that the character I'd play in an action movie, would be the big trucker girl in flannel. She'd go out and rescue all the people in the burning cars, after the missiles had attacked the freeway - or something like that.

Damnit, stop it you stupid CD drive...it's starting to freak me out, man.

* Edited to say that the blogroll is now functional.

I'm a voyeur

2006-05-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

So the couple next door to our bedroom is TOTALLY going at it right now. Girl is moaning a symphony. Is it a bad thing that I'm listening, paying attention, and mildly entertained?

email weirdness

2006-05-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

Anyone trying to get ahold of me in the next few days, please cc my gmail address as well. It's stine69@gmail.com. My other email is acting funky, for now.

A two-legged doggie & a vodka cran - to go please

2006-05-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

So look what I saw the other night on Inside Edition:

Goggie!

Edited to say: The link is fixed now

I cried, and cried, and cried. They showed pictures of the little thing as a puppy, standing up on it's two hind legs with these big ears, and two doe eyes looking at you just begging to be petted. Fuck though, if I were a two-legged dog, I'd be up on my hind legs begging to be petted as well. Hell, I ain't even a dog and I'm ALWAYS begging to be petted.

So the show is garnering some controversy. One of my clients, who works for the City of Seattle, told me that there had been a protestor in front of City Hall a few different days this past week. It was a single gentleman, who was protesting the fact that our show Woman/Girl was being linked to on the City's "Things to do in Seattle" section of their website. He claimed they were linking to "porn". I'm sure he's not even read nor found out anything about the show. That's the way these things work, right? Anyway, this dude apparently called KOMO news, the news folks called the City of Seattle, and from there, I'm not sure what has happened. But hey, a little controversy is good for the soul, right? The talkbacks after the matinees have been interesting. Despite some flaws, the show is bringing up a lot of issues for people. Issues of rating pedophilia/sex crimes, for example: female to female crimes aren't generally considered as "dangerous", "problematic" as male to female crimes. The age of consent varies from state to state. I also found out that the laws for heterosexual and homosexual age of consent laws vary. In many states the age of consent is higher for boys. Suffice it to say, the issues this play addresses, have been bringing up a lot of debate.

I'm starting to feel like I can breathe again in regards to my time, and getting my shit done. Why oh why is "getting my shit done" so fucking important to me. Again I have to thank my mother. I'm just a control freak, that's pretty much the end of it. Ly is not allowed to comment on that last statement. I want to focus on bringing in the bank so we can get Ly into a martial arts class asap. He, and in turn I, am so much happier when he has an outlet, with which to channel all the kinesthetic energy that lives in his body. And hopefully, with hard work and a little luck, we can have a friggin car within the year. I at least, want to find a nice place for us to go for a weekend on our 10th anniversary this August.

I'm also intent on finding a yoga class that I can start attending after Ly gets into martial arts classes. My body SO needs it. I've been having some neck/numbness/spasming symptoms again. I'm seeing the doc this week. They are manageable, but I want to at least get another referral for 12 more massages.

Ly and I purchased Serenity yesterday. Le Sigh. Only 4 more seasons of Angel to acquire, and the Joss Whedon world will be mine forever! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

My Toosdee

2006-04-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here at my computer, finally having a day where I can get some of my massage work done. Yay!

The show went up this weekend. For all of you who haven't seen the link, here is the show information: http://whitecatproductions.org/#CurrentShow

Opening went well. The show got mixed reviews that ran the gamut. The talkback was very interesting, the show definitely brings up issues for many people. Come check it out if you can. Had a nice little run-in with the sidewalk opening night. It came up and bit my ankle. Who knows if the vodka had anything to do with it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Anyway, it's feeling much better now. Saturdays shows just a little more swagger from Ruth than normal. It became a "drunk thing".

Saw Ly's show again last night, and it re-affirmed everything I'd thought. He made me cry again. It's truly a great role for him.

Sunday was spent lounging, watching movies, adjusting my attitude, and getting some exercise in many senses of the word. I had been around women all week, it was time for some batter up action. Oh we also saw Howl's Moving Castle. Oh my God! I highly recommend it to everyone. I am becoming such a Miyazaki fan. Ly cooked jerk chicken on a bed of greens and sweet potatoes. Le yum! And for the most fattening delightful finish, we had Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide with half and half drizzled over it.

Tap, tap, tap...is this thing on?

2006-04-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

Pardon me while I dust off the keyboard. Lately, life has been a series of flashes passing me by while I drive by at 80 mph.

My mother and I actually had a conversation the other day about how I'm getting older, and "don't you think you need to give yourself more time...you do too much..." Uhm yeah, thanks mom, learned from the best. Who loves ya babe? Seriously, it was good to talk to the madre. She's a nutball, but damn I love her.

Massage world has been completely and utterly rewarding lately. I have had some of the most intense, killer sessions with people lately. I have been very, very lucky to receive these people in my practice. Without going into tons of detail, I have a new client who was badly burned in a car wreck many years ago. Most of this person's(who I will call "X") upper body is covered in pretty intense scar tissue: fingers are missing, there was actual muscle loss in the chest, extensive nerve damage throughout. Suffice it to say, this body is pulled very tight with scar tissue and fascial binding. With nerve damage, if there is no feeling in any given area, one cannot do much massage. If there is some feeling, one can do very gentle fascial stretching, and some cranial work. After our first session, X came back a few weeks later for the 2nd session. I talked X into allowing me to work the chest and abdomen where most of the really bad scar tissue resides. X obviously had issues surrounding people seeing it, let alone touching it. As I did some gentle fascial work, I listened for the cranial rhythm. With many people, a practitioner can feel the rhythm within a few minutes, at most. I had to listen very intently with X, because the rhythm seemed to be deeper, more hidden if you will. I was almost in tears during this whole session. Not because I felt sorry for X, but because I kept thinking of what a gift it was (and I don't mean to sound like a bumper sticker) to be allowed to experience this part of X. I thought to myself, if I can give X one moment, one hour of freedom from their life, increased range of motion, increased relaxation and peace, what a fantastic and amazing thing that would be. X and I talked about perspective, and how injuries, burns, car wrecks, etc. can do a lot to help one gain perspective. This is one of the biggest benefits of my bodywork practice.

I have also had many people who have had some really nice emotional releases, and been very brave and forthright in dealing with the energy that we release from their cells. I have also been able to do a lot more cranialsacral in my practice lately, and I'm loving it. I have made a determination to take the cranial certification this year. I will constantly be fascinated, and awed by the power of the body and the mind.

So in other news, my show. It's no secret, I've been stressed as hell about it. I LOVE the women, and men I'm working with. I love the director of the play, she's wonderful. The story is one that I think needs to be told, and the characters are interesting and ready to be developed. The lines just feel impossible to memorize. I almost typed, "the lines ARE impossible to memorize...", but I can't even think that way or it won't happen. There are specifics as to why I feel this way, but I don't feel comfortable typing them online. If anyone is curious, and hasn't already heard me talk about it, send me an email. I've been losing sleep over this show, and as my mother already told me, I'm too old to have that happen anymore. Thanks mom. Moral of the story, read the script before saying yes to doing a show. Anyway, we are heading into tech week, here's to the cast rocking the party, and getting really, really good at improvising. They are some tough fierce bitches I'm working with.

Meanwhile, I am trying to squeeze any sort of billing in between massaging so much, rehearsing, and having my script stapled to my abdomen for easy reference. I will be excited to get this show going so I can get back to focusing on my business. As the Hound mentioned on his blog though, we finally got our taxes off. Here's to hoping Turbo Tax hooked us up. I think things are kosher, but one's never sure when one does one's taxes by oneself. Moral of this story, make enough money to hire an accountant, AND a biller.

And to echo what Beige said about The Swan, the lovely little ditty my Hound is acting in, I have never in my life been moved by a performance like my husband moved me in this show. He made me cry. He accessed vulnerabilities that I haven't seen him access on stage yet, and I've seen him in many, many plays. His physicality, his control of his body, and vocal patterns are unprecedented. He has truly found a role that is perfect for him. And the fact that he was prancing around buck naked on stage for a few pages didn't hurt either. I saw it opening night, and I was like, "uhm yeah...that's mine...and it is GUD!"

There were other things I wanted to say, but they escape me now, and my hands are very tired from working all day and then rehearsing. I hope to be back sooner than later. I WILL be more active in blog world, starting next Monday. The show opens on Friday.

And until then, I leave you with a line from my show...

"The vagina has muscles that are crucial to pleasing a man."

Regular drive-by

2006-03-28T12:01:00.000-08:00

weekly post. Once this show goes up, I hope to be more regular, and I hope to post more as well (insert rimshot).

So I'm about to go meet some dude from craigslist because I'm finally purchasing an inexpensive Office XP so I don't have to mess with this Open Office software anymore (thank you Open Office, but no one can open my attachments).

My pile of billing grows, as does my belly as I haven't been able to work out in 2 weeks. And I just now, this very minute realized that my moods have been much more moody since the exercise decline. I just had a cancellation Thursday at the club though, so elliptical machine, here I come, and I'm gonna kick your ass.

Did the tax return, finally got it down to where we only owed $90, but I sent it online, to be looked over by some tax professionals, and it seems there are audit flags and errors. Le Shit! No time to figure it out now though, perhaps this weekend.

Lines have to be memorized by this weekend. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, so it's not THAT bad, but damnit, I'm kinda freaking about this. There is just no time. I'm sure I have more memorized than I think I do, but still...it's hard teacher.

I am however, scheduled to get 3 hours of massage today, and 3 hours on Thursday. It's technique evaluation time again at the school. These are tech 4's, which means it the last one, and the students are at their best. BoofrigginYA, I say! My back, and neck need it, and my body always supplies the students with endless amounts of pathologies and fun.

Ok, that's all, for now. Loves!

Thank you universe

2006-03-21T10:18:00.000-08:00

for the 2 insurance checks, and 6 copay checks I received the very next day after posting my last post. Thank you for the new insurance client I received with burns over half of his upper body that served to give me a whole lot of perspective about life, and remind me of the real reason I do bodywork. I was very humbled to be able to put my hands on his skin and feel gross muscle mass lost, see scar tissue encroaching onto his face, feel the tautness of the scar tissue pull at his skeleton, and realize that if only for a moment, if I can give him one ounce of freedom of movement, relaxation, a clearer sense of what is going on in his body, freedom from his migraines, I will have done my job. Thank you for sending me this perspective, and the reminder that money, is secondary.

Thank you also for the amazing Buddhist meeting last night, where we discussed how the practice has helped someone overcome and manage bipolar disorder, where we talked about the connection between Buddhism and science, where we heard about a multi-millionaire Japanese man who worked in, and cleaned a bathroom in Japan because he wanted to meet, and take care of American members that came to visit the SGI there.

Thank you for the wonderful women I am doing my current show with, who are making this process, considering the topic of the piece, cake. Thank you for the learning that is coming my way in regards to this show.

Thank you for my family, who is going through some very tough times right now with mental health, issues with the safety of my nieces and nephews, emotional and physical exhaustion, and working out their own lives.

Thank you for my husband, without whom, I would be so much less fulfilled, challenged, entertained, and most definitely fucked like a demon.

Thank you for my blogger friends, who despite not being able to keep up with their lives as frequently any more, I think about every day, and wish them all the fulfillment in the world.

Thank you for the opportunity to listen to friends and family members who are in need. Every time I talk to them, I learn something about myself.

Thank you universe, thank you.

L Word Meme

2006-03-17T15:22:00.000-08:00

Which Character from The L Word are You???

you are SHANE! the heartthrob of the group, you're with a new catch every time you go out. you've got the whole 'sexy' thing down and use it to get whatever you want, whenever you want it!
Take this quiz!

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Money can kiss my ass

2006-03-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

Vent-age ahead, don't read if you don't want to hear me go off...

I'm at a loss. I have only gotten paid for 4 massages since 2/6/06 when I went back to work. Our parents are tapped, about $1200 in bills coming due in the next two weeks. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea where any money is coming from. I am so tired of red-tape bureaucracy, and all the requisite bullshit paperwork involved. And you know what, the big rich companies still win out. Between the insurance companies, the drug companies, the oil companies, this country is going down the shitter. There is only so much time in the day to stay on insurance company's assess between doing massage, rehearsal (I really should have thought twice about the timing of this show), and being self-employed and running a business.

I'm trying to be strong, trying to stay positive and keep things moving in a forward direction, but sometimes, some days, you just want to sit down in a corner, tell the world to fuck off, and cry for 3 days.

The show is good, I like the ladies I'm working with, I still have some trouble with the script - which in some parts, reads like a self-help book on pedophilia/incest/power issues. I think the actresses involved will make it work though(they are all pretty kick ass), I love the director, and think that she is very talented at creating very wonderful images on stage. It will be interesting, at the very least.

Please universe, please send me the money I've made so Ly and I can pay our bills and eat. Please universe, send me my period early so I also don't have to be a raging hormonal succubus while trying to sort all this shit out.

Anybody have any good rice and bean recipes? Lentils? Anyone? Anyone? Cheap and easy, cheap and easy, just like me.

A little Stine popourri...

2006-03-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

Random tidbits from my life lately...

1. Went over to my lovely friend K's house on Sunday night. She has TiVo, and invited me to come watch the Sopranos. We had some baked goods, then some wine, then some other kind of goods, and then watched the Sopranos. Which holy God, if you haven't seen...get thee to cable. We then, both being reality tv whores, watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition. She put a box of tissue between us, and we cried, we snotted(well I can only be sure I snotted), and laughed for the next hour. It was brilliant. Thanks for a lovely evening K.

2. The other day, my husband actually said to me (and again I paraphrase), "you know this morning, I had this really calm sense of well-being that lasted for awhile."

I shit you not.

3. 24 SPOILER ALERT

By the love of God, if they kill Tony...I'm gonna loose it. Last night's ep was gud!

4. On Saturday night, I got a stack of billing done 10 envelopes deep. When you're doing things by hand, that's a lot.

5. I need a massage more than God right now. I have the kind of back and shoulders that I would yell at someone for. This next Monday, my friend S is giving me one. Must wait until Monday...MUST wait until Monday....AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Little sidenote about Stine (if you haven't already intuited it) the two things that make me go CRAZY if I don't get on a regular basis is....anyone.....anyone....????

Massage & Sex

And on that note, I take my leave

For now...

2006-03-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

Who would've thunk it?

You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already.

In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth.

Buddhism

83%

Paganism

71%

agnosticism

63%

Hinduism

58%

Satanism

50%

Christianity

50%

Islam

46%

Judaism

42%

atheism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

PS - Blogrolling

2006-03-04T16:49:00.000-08:00

I did the blogrolling thing, and it's not working. How do you make it stick, so that it actually tells you when there are new posts on someone's blog?

Random quick thoughts

2006-03-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

I am currently buried under a pile of billing paperwork nearing a mile high. This is good on the money front. This is bad on my hands. I need a secretary. Anybody willing to trade massage for secretary work? I'm actually kind of serious.

Anyway, needless to say business has TOTALLY picked up. I just need to find a better solution to process all the damn paperwork. I am also currently trying to find a post-surgery baseline for my body. I'm still feeling out how many massages I can do a day, and in a week. I did almost 20 hours last week, and I will have done about 18 by the end of this week. 16 is considered full-time. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday about my schedule and how my body is/isn't holding up. Dr. E adjusted me though, and gave me a kick-ass pep talk, and I despite being exhausted, I feel a bit better today.

Ly started his rehearsals this past week. My rehearsals are going to start in two weeks. I haven't had the work 2 jobs and go to rehearsal schedule in many moons. It will be nice to be on stage again though.

Speaking of actors, Ly and I saw 8 of the cutest, best, and most cuddly actors in the world last night. We saw 8 Below last night. I swear to God, these dogs were GREAT actors. The nuances those doggies showed in their faces rival anything done by any of the best actor nominees this year. It was a nice catharsis after the day I had yesterday.

As far as my last post, I have still been working on an editorial letter to the major news papers. I am going to post it, as soon as I get enough time to actually work on it. I want to get feedback, additions, changes, editing ideas from anyone willing to give them. I am having a hard time giving the back story, without the letter getting too long. In a nutshell, big hospital gives me care, I have huge bill, they won't accept the amount of money I can pay them each month. Six months ago they sent me to collections for $87.00 that had still not been paid from an old bill (I had been continually making payments). So now that's on my credit report (which Ly and I worked hella hard to make it good). We pay all our bills each month, we just have TONS of them. That's why our credit is/was good, until those bastards sent us to collections. And now, after my surgery, with a much larger balance than before, they are unwilling to accept what I can pay, and want me to pay more each month. I have told them that I have no assets, no car, no house, and that they can't get blood from a stone. I have never NOT paid these people, I just apparently have not paid them what they want each month. The guy in patient account services actually had the audacity to tell me that they aren't a lending institution, and that they are just trying to make ends meet, and keep the lights on.
What in the SAM FUCK is that supposed to mean? Oh you poor multi-million dollar corporation that receives funding, and donations from all over the state. Cry me a fucking river already. So needless to say, I think I have decided to (even if it means Ly and I don't have enough money for other bills) to pay them what they want each month, write my story down, and send it to the papers anyway. I mean this is the hospital that paralyzed my vocal cord and permanently changed my theatrical life. I should have sued their fucking asses off when I had the chance. So anyway, this is why I need to seek legal advice. I need to find out if I have any options of telling them to go fuck themselves. I will still pay the bill, I'm just tired of being called 3 or 4 times a month, harrassed, and treated like some low-life that is dripping heroin from her veins, and not paying her bills.

So that's the story in a nutshell. Anyway, I truly apologize for not being the best blog friend that I can, I'm just swamped out of my mind. I hope you are all well, and I hope to find some time to catch up soon.

So busy

2006-02-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

Just a quickie to drop by and say, I've been SO busy. I'd been chanting for massage to pick up, and lo and behold I have 12 massages this week. 15 hours is considered full-time. When you take into account approximately 1/2 of paperwork for each massage, the hours start to pile up. But yay, more money - eventually.

Doing a reading tonight at the Schmee (a local fringe theater). It was a last minute gig, and any chance to get seen is good. Plus I get to do the reading with Fuquad Rob, and The Beige is directing. By the way guys, I had a kick ass time last night. Beige, how exactly do you spell "fur net"? For those of you who don't know, it's a foreign liquer of some sort that has many opiate qualities. I haven't been drinking that much since my surgery, and last night, this was not the case. Stine got silly. And then I came home and got more silly.

There is some major financial shit going down with the hospital that all my doctors are at, and where I had my surgery. It's too long a story to go into right now, but suffice it to say Ly and I are writing editorials to all the papers, I'm trying to seek whatever legal advice I can, and it may turn into something much bigger - it may not. All I can say is I'm so sick and fucking tired of big multi-million dollar corporations going after, and harassing self-employed, lower middle class folks who are only trying to pay their bills, and keep their heads above water.

Ok, must go now. I hope to catch up with everyone's blogs soon.

Because I am completely and utterly

2006-02-15T19:40:00.000-08:00

Avoiding work right now...

And no one fookin' tagged me, but I'm gonna tell you anyway, so sit down.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Janitor in a junior high school (1st job ever)
2. Massage Therapist
3. Key Maker and Engraver
4. Actress

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. The Incredibles
2. Truly, Madly, Deeply
3. Secretary
4. Murderball

Four places I've lived:
1. Ogden, UT
2. Chicago, IL
3. Dale, IN
4. Seattle, WA

Four TV shows I love:
1. 24
2. LOST
3. Amazing Race (when it's in season)
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (since it doesn't say "current" TV shows...)

Four places I've vacationed (this category I'm gonna suck in):
1. New York, NY
2. Boise friggin, ID
3. Lake Powell, UT
4. Mystic, CT

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Lobster
2. Biscuits & Gravy
3. White Trash Taco Salad
4. Green Tea Ice Cream squooshed between Ginger Snaps

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Blogverse
2. Livejournal
3. Topica
4. Google News

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Getting a Massage
2. Talking to Mandy (she TOTALLY just called - weird)
3. Sleeping
4. Having Sex

Four bloggers I am tagging:
1.

My Bitch

The Beige

My Hound Dog

4. and YOU!

Happy "V" Day

2006-02-14T12:46:00.000-08:00

Notice I didn't say Valentine's Day. I have now heretofore dubbed this Happy "Insert your own V Word" Day. So all of yous, feel free to add as many V words as you'd like (your favorite, your least favorite, the name of your old pet, the name of your current pet)...

Here is my list (No looking in the dictionary_:

vagina (Of course the most obvious, and Stine-ly choice)
verisimilitude
voice
vulture
vernacular
vegan
vegetable
Vic's Vapo Rub
varnish

K, more?

Picture this...

2006-02-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

Last night, my friend S and I went to Banya A Russian Bath House near the massage school I used to work at.We enter the front door, and to the right is two feathery looking soft leather chairs - done in subtle earth tones to create a feeling of serenity and peace. To the right, a fridge full of yummy drinky healthy goodness such as, "Kombucha Joy", "Odwalla - Find Your Inner Yin", and my favorite, "Your Minty Muscles". Actually that last one was a goo, but I digress.

We walk up to the front desk, and a lovely delicate gay boy gives us paperwork to fill out. We sign our forms, yadda, yadda...go back up to the desk, get our locker keys, sandals, and robes. In the women's locker room there are stacks of neatly folded plush towels, fake pussy willows coming out of a vase sporting the aforementioned "soothing earth tones", bottles of womanly fresh goo, and a smattering of lockers. I must admit, it's smaller than I thought it would be. S and I lose our clothing, take the obligatory "clean your dirty selves before entering the oasis" shower, don our robes, and enter the main room.

The main room consists of a brilliantly blue-lit hot tub, a bathwater tepid pool, a steam room complete with fresh eucalyptus plants (yummy!), shit-ass hot sauna, and a cold plunge. S and I start out in the steam room...and from there do various combinations of the tepid pool, cold plunge and sauna. I wasn't a big fan of the sauna (which was at, I think, 220 degrees). It was too hot, I'm still fresh enough out of surgery that my body was just overwhelmed, plus the floor was scalding hot. S liked it though because she had to go into the sauna to get her body hot enough to do the cold plunge.

Pause for geeky massage moment: Revulsive hydrotherapy is the shit.

During the next hour, discussions of boys and the massage school take place, there is much giggling and laughing about the 50-something "ladies who lunch" sitting in the pool next to us, and many more water sports ensue.

We finally start to start to leave. We decide to do the cold plunge one more time. S has to go into the sauna to get hot enough to do it, and in her excitement to get there, notices a basin of "herb water" with a large frond of large leafy herbs bundled into a fan floating on the surface of the water. So S gets all excited, beckons me to bring the herb water dripping frond into the sauna. She then procedes to show me what is "suppose" to be done with frond. Apparently one is suppose to beat oneself about the body with the frond, thus baptizing oneself in the herby goodness. So as I prance wildly up and down due to the smoldering heat that has started to occur in my feet, S is giggling wildy and beating my naked body with this herb frond. She then jumps up and down like a little 12-year old about to have a tea party and with a big shit-eating grin on her face, hands me the frond and says, "Do me too please...". I beat her a few times, and then as I'm starting to smell smoke I say, "DOOD, burning!" and point to my feet. It would have made a really good comedy porn.

The cold plunge was a like a warm downy comforter compared to the hades I'd just come from. So then S gets hot enough, does the cold plunge, we take a shower, encounter a really obnoxious east-side "type" in the dressing room, pay our bill, and then leave.

We then went to have a drinky, some Thai food, and a really damn fine conversation for the rest of the evening.

I have welts this morning...

Just Kidding...

those were from Ly, not S.

It's gotten out of control

2006-02-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

"Danish Cartoons cause Global Crisis"

This is just crazy. I mean if cartoons can cause a "global crisis", we really have hit an all time low in religious zealotry. Fundamentalist Christians/Radical Muslims = No difference.

Boo Ya!

2006-02-06T16:05:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what that means.

Hello, hi, high, how are ya? Ok, feeling a little amped/wacked/energetic/silly today - just warning ya.

Man let's see, what do I want to talk about. Oh yeah, I'll start off with Sunday. Ly and I had a lovely day on Sunday. We got up at an much earlier hour than we normally do on Sunday (when Ly doesn't have to work), and went to KRG. It's Kosen Rufu Gongyo, a large monthly SGI/Buddhist gathering. It was held at the Culture Center in Tukwila. A really kick ass chick was getting her Gohonzon Sunday. A Go Ho What? We then helped her enshrine it in her apartment. It was a lovely sunny day, and the first one in a long while here in Seattle. We went to a little Greek place in Fremont for some lunch. We then jumped on a bus headed for the student clinic. We both had massages, which were lovely. Then it was on to downtown to pick up a script, and then home to finish watching the rest of the SuperBowl (yes folks, it DID happen, Ly and I watched sports, and drank beer). Bless our hearts, they did real gud, our boys. All I can say, it is very funny to watch and listen to two people watch football who normally, don't know shit about sports really. I tend to know more than the Hound does. Anyway, I got real pissed when the Steelers intercepted the ball and turned it around to shortly thereafter, make a touchdown. I assume these emotions I was feeling are normal, they are just new and frightening to me, if you know what I mean. After we watched the game, there was movie watching, barely able to catch your breath pre-Olympic sex, and some cards - not necessarily in that order. It was a good day.

In other news, I got a mesage from the director of the play I just auditioned for, and didn't get in. Turns out that the woman who she cast as the mother, got cast in another show at a larger theater here in town. Long story short, I'm playing the mother. Her name is Ruth. A synopsis can be read: Heyah... Funny that we've been watching Six Feet Under (thank you Netflix), and I've really been relating lately to Ruth, the mother character. Anyway, I'm excited about that. Hopefully the schedule won't be that hard to work out.

Oh yeah, I remember the football question I was going to ask the blogverse, so when it's 4 & 2, why do they always punt? I mean couldn't they feasibly get 2 yards easily in one down?

Referral vs. Diagnosis Codes (Two different things)

2006-02-01T13:54:00.000-08:00

I am SO tired of people calling me asking for massage by way of their insurance, and giving me grief over telling them they need to get diagnosis codes from their doc or chiro. It doesn't help that there are a smattering of massage therapists in this city, who make up their own diagnosis codes and bill the insurance for them. It is NOT within the scope of our practice OR license to diagnose people. You can get SUED for fraud people. Not to mention the fact that if you tell a client they have some sort of "condition", they seek treatment for that condition, the treatment fucks them up - you are BOTH shit outta luck.

And insurance companies don't make it any easier. They tell the clients that they don't need referrals to see me, and this is true. However, a referral and a diagnosis code proving massage is medically necessary, are two completely different things. Do people honestly think that an insurance company is going to pay for any Tom, Dick or Harry to go get a massage a week, and NOT have it be medically necessary? They would go broke.

Ok, end rant. That said, I am VERY thankful for the lovely client who just called me to schedule. After much explanation, and clarification of the LAW, I will be massaging her tomorrow through her insurance.

What did you want to be?

2006-01-31T10:29:00.000-08:00

When you grew up? I was thinking about this question the other day. My "ideal" occupation has shifted over the last 25 or so years I've been thinking about this question.

My first recollection of wanting to pursue a career was the obligatory "doctor", "fireman" and/or "ballerina" answer we all gave when we were six. On second thought, nix that last one, I've never wanted to be a ballerina proper because I'm one big-boned Bessy, and somehow, I just knew it would never work out. Thank God I had the ballet classes I did though, or my mother's nom du jour of "my little bull in a China shop", would have really stuck for good. I remember being 9 or 10, it was summer,and I was laying outside looking up at the stars with my best friend J. I remember thinking that the stars were so cool. I remember wanting to be able to explore the vastness of the space I saw in front of me. It was my first inkling of wanting to be an astronomer. Of course continued science classes only fed that desire, and by 8th grade, I really wanted to study astronomy. This would later morph into a desire to study astrophysics, but I get ahead of myself. I did my science project in the 8th grade on black holes. The project itself sucked, but I learned a lot. I partially blame the woefully inadequate math teachers I had growing up.

Then came high school. I remember being a sophomore - we didn't have freshman at my high school because 9th grade was part of junior high. It was the last day we could change our classes before they stuck. I had a PE class I was dreading attending. I just wasn't ready to launch into PE my first semester at high school. I needed to get acclimated to the surroundings first. So the night before class change day my mother took me to see Real Genius. Yes, this is the Real Genius with Val Kilmer, and the cute little boy who was androgynous, circa 1985. I sat and watched that movie in awe. Keep in mind, I was a very niave 15-year old Mormon. I was hooked, I came home telling my mother that I was going to pursue acting. I mean how unfair is that? You hear all these stories of actors seeing Citizen Kane, or some brilliant Jack Nicholson performance back in '84, and these movies, the moments are what spurned them on to study the great skill of acting. Me, I see some half-rate teeny bopper flick, and I think I'm Laurence fucking Olivier.

The rest, they say, is history. This acting bug carried me through the remainder of high school, two stints at two different colleges - Roosevelt University, in Chicago, where I studied musical theater, and Southern Utah University, where I got my BA in psychology and theater.

Cut to 1999 in Seattle. Ly and I had lived here for 4 years at that point. I had my second thyroidectomy, my vocal cord got paralyzed, and in the midst of healing, and seeing different alternative healthcare practitioners, one of them introduces me to the Brian Utting school. I had found the bases of my life passion - bodywork. This is truly the reason I think I am here. I want to always act, and will do so when possible. My bodywork might morph into something else, but for now, it's a very nice friend to have.

One-liners for today

2006-01-26T09:52:00.001-08:00

"Her legs were locked so tight I couldn't even get a whiff of spring roll." Pierce Brosnan The Matador

"I look like a Bangkok hooker on a Sunday morning, after the navy's left town." Pierce Brosnan The Matador

Interesting tidbit (Mo polygamy)

2006-01-21T14:26:00.000-08:00

On Mormon polygamy...

"It was never legal"

Bat-shit crazy

2006-01-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

So those of you who know me, know that I like rain, I like rain a lot. That said, I am about to go 100% batshit crazy if this rain keeps up. We are setting records up here in Seattle. I have never been one to suffer from seasonal affective disorder (many other disorders, yes), but couple all this rain with being stuck in the apartment recouperating, and it's all taking it's toll.

A sidebar to all of this, is that I'm not sure where I learned this, but somewhere in my past I have had it drilled into my head that if I'm not doing something, being productive, being needed by someone or something, I have no use for all practical purposes. I just feel like a big tub o' lard that hasn't done shit for 2 weeks now. I mean thank God I'm taking this herbalife and it's cleaning me out like it is (oh nelly, and I do mean CLEAN), or I would really feel like a big lump of whale blubber. Come on ladies, you know those days. And I am reminded of P's blog post about hating knowing when one's reactions are due to hormones, and having someone point that out, and them being right. Only difference now, I'm pointing my own hormonal issues out.

Thus, the recipe I've come up with to explain my current dark malaise is:

8 parts surgery (number 11 and counting)
2 parts general anesthetic (past and present) running havoc in my system
5 parts record rainfall in Seattle
3 parts "time factor" in healing after surgery
2 parts hormones
60 parts boredom
5 parts inability to exercise like I had been (oh give me a home where the endorphins roam...)
2 parts inability to move energy through my body via the bodywork I give to other people
20 parts I'm just farking OVER. IT.

The recipe I've been trying to follow to counteract the dark malaise:

200 parts chanting
10 parts reading
5 parts telling myself and my overactive brain to shut the fuck up
3 parts scheduling at least one or two activities a day in which I get out of the apartment
3 parts insurance billing and paperwork to keep busy

Mostly, it's a good counter spell, I just happen to be in a downswing right now.

Wee.....wee..............ahhhhhh......

wee........

The Happiest of Birthdays

2006-01-17T11:03:00.000-08:00

to my darling Mandy. You just get better with every year. I am truly grateful to have you in my life, and don't know where I'd be without you. Please make this whole day entirely about you. Do something special for yourself, and treat yourself well - on the inside and outside. Now off to make a birthday phone call.

Love Always,

Stine

A baked potato in my neck?

2006-01-16T12:27:00.000-08:00

So I just got back from my post-op follow-up with my surgeon. For those of you that get queasy, I'm going to talk some medical stuff for a sec, so close your eyes. So the doc was reading me the pathology report, and said my goiter was as big as a baked friggin potato. WTF? I can't believe I've been carrying that around in my neck. No wonder swallowing was a bit difficult. He said the operation was really bloody and it took them a long time to cut through the scar tissue to even get to the muscles he cut underneath the scar tissue. He said they did something different than what they normally do, in that they cut into the goiter, and remove the goiter from the inside out. Apparently this is most effective in protecting the larygeal nerve. He did say they left a small portion that attaches to the nerve - which is fine by me. I'm damned if that is going to grow into another goiter in my lifetime. Anyway, the pathology of it all fascinates me. I almost asked them to save my goiter and give it to me, but then I wonder exactly how sick that would make me. I know some people at the massage school who would be very interested in seeing something like that.

My doc also wouldn't let me out of jury duty next week? How lame is that? He said sitting around in a jury room all day seems like the perfect rest and relaxation. He's a hard-ass, but I like him a lot and he makes me laugh.

Anyway, just found all the medical mumbo jumbo interesting - especially hearing him compare it to a baked potato. Who knows maybe at some point, they will find some grilled salmon in my liver, or a nice head of broccolli in my ass.

24 & Capote

2006-01-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

Dudes, just saw Capote - Heath Ledger was good in Brokeback Mountain, but fucking Phillip Seymour Hoffman kicked my ass in Capote. I think he should win the Oscar.

Must post review about it soon (eat your heart out Ly), but for now, must go get ready for the season premier of 24.

Can we say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, HELL YEAH!

Rice pudding is the shit

2006-01-13T13:23:00.000-08:00

I have become addicted to this shit in the last five days. I hadn't had any for 20 years, and then one of my nurses brought over a container, and I ate the whole damn thing that day. The next day, someone else brought some over - gone. Yesterday, a six-pack - demolished. Why is my body SO enamoured of this manna from heaven? I love it, I want to bathe in it, I want it to shoot gloriously out of Clive Owen's dick all over my body.

I gotta get out of the house today. I've been here for six days straight now and it's starting to wear on my psyche. I'm feeling like a lurp. I mean I know I just had surgery a week ago, but I need to move about. I should go mail my nieces and nephews Christmas presents (yes, I suck and am late with everything). Speaking of, Beck and Mandy, be on the lookout for a pressie coming your way. Beck, you must let Katy partake ok?

I've been trying to do at least one or two business things each day. I have this innate need to always be doing something "productive". Thank you very much mother. I mean, it's so hard for me to just chill. I'm trying though. I find when I try to push it, my throat hurts more, and it ends up pissing off the back of my head and my jaw for some reason. Must talk to the doc about that. I need to find a digital camara to take a picture of my scar. It's knarly. I look like the Corpse Bride. Which I guess has it's goth appeal. That's a good question, can one be a goth well into one's 30's? I'm not a real goth, but I do so love some of the esthetic.

Now I'm just rambling. I have decided I am not going to do up the living room pod today. I have this pod I have constructed, because we have no real couch and our love seat sucks for comfort. I take our pappa san chair, bolster the hell outta it, put a foot stool beneath it with some pillows on it, put a sheet over it all, some blankets over that, my piano bench with all my meds, phones, books, and medical knick knacks by my side. This has been my home for the past six days. I need to branch out I tell ya, need to branch out. It's always so hard for me to find the line between healing, and driving myself crazy.

Yeah, what the fuck else is new?